Great Relationships Are Built on Good Communication

Happy Sunday. Happy Sunday. I think. Yeah, it’s almost football season. Oh, bear with me a minute.

Thankfully. So if you have volunteered on Sunday mornings. Now, this is for only those that have volunteered specifically on Sunday mornings for any type of ministry or whatever. So you are invited to an MVP Most Valuable Player at Fountain of Life in Elizabeth City on September 4th. I believe it’s at 7 o’.

Clock. I’m sorry, the 4th at 6pm and that is down in Elizabeth City. We will be gathering with our other two campuses and we will be doing a night of games and food and fun and fellowship. If you do plan on coming out, wear a jersey representing your favorite team. Mine will be the Baltimore Ravens.

Sorry, I know. You know, sometimes. Then there’s the Detroit Lions. But if you have volunteered for any type of ministry on a Sunday morning, we would love to have you come down and join with us. Have a good time.

That’s our plan. Amen. Amen. All right, how many are ready for summer to be over? I am.

I am done with the heat. Absolutely done with the heat. All right, so let’s go ahead and we’re going to get into our sermon series today. We’re going to continue with this. Matt, you can kill the music if you want.

Perfect. I appreciate. I want to tell you guys how much I appreciate you guys being here. We are at the tail end of summer and, you know, we’re coming down. All the vacationers get to go home.

It’s left up to us locals. But I just thank God what he’s doing in our church, in Salt church and what he is going to do. We have a very important meeting coming up this week for our parent church and we are praying that God will do some great and mighty things. We are so happy with the team that we have with Sean and Tammy and Alex and my wife and Mikayla and the rest. I’m probably forgetting somebody.

T.J. and who? Casey. Yes.

Sorry about that, Casey. But we, we love you guys. We love all the volunteers. We love you guys taking the time to come out and be a part of this family. We love you, love you, love you.

You guys, again, if I’m missing somebody, please forgive me. But we do cherish you. We cherish you coming out and hanging out with us on Sunday. So today we’re going to continue on with part three of our relationship series. Now to kind of recap, our main text that we’ll be taking from is Proverbs 18:24 and it says, a man who finds man who friend.

Let me back up Sorry about that. A man who has friends must himself be friendly. But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. The idea behind this is that healthy relationships just don’t happen by accident. They are built by people who intentionally choose to communicate and love and forgive and speak life.

If you want a little bit more simpler term, if you want a better relationship, you have to become a better person in that relationship. So if you haven’t been here over the past couple weeks, just as a recap, our first week we talked about the importance of a good marriage. What does a good marriage look like? Okay. Because we understand that even in marriages as well as other relationships.

Because once last week we talked about the value that I add. And part of the reason why we’re focusing on relationships this time is because relationships are important, just as TJ indicated, too. That’s the whole point of Sunday service. Having a Sunday morning service is not being online. You don’t fellowship.

The whole point of this is iron sharpens iron. We meet together, we cry over each other’s problems. We share each other’s burdens. We love on each other. We hold each other accountable.

That’s what this is. Relationships are important. Some of the greatest moments you will ever have in your life happen because of relationships. I know when Colleen and I first moved here and the family moved here from Maryland down to Virginia, over the next 10 years, 12 years, some of our greatest relationships happened in church. We got to know great people.

We got to know what it was like to really value relationships. So why? Because ultimately what it is is that we were created for relationships. We were never created to be alone. God didn’t create us to be islands in of ourselves, to live isolated lives.

See, in Genesis said God even said, it’s not good for man to be alone. We were created to know God. We were created to know one another. So as we discussed, we discussed marriage, we discussed the value. So we’re going to go a little bit further in this and we’re going to expand this a little bit more.

Because it isn’t just about marriage or valuing somebody. Because what we’re going to talk about today applies to all aspects of our friendship. Applies to husbands and wives, parents and children, friends, church relationships, co workers, leaders, followers, et cetera. But here’s something that I’ve discovered. You can love somebody and still not know how to relate to them.

You can have good intentions but still hurt people. And you can love God and still struggle with people. But today we’re going to go a little bit deeper into Proverbs. And we’re going to ask ourselves, what does a wise person look like in relationship? And there’s a couple different things we’re going to attack on this.

So pull your pencils out, you know, take some notes. You could go on the Bible app. We have that on. If you go to the Bible app, click that up. The notes are there.

Also at the end of the sermon, you can go in and hit the QR code and there will be a six day devotional as we’ve been doing. We’ve gotten a lot of good feedback about that. So the basics of foundation of relationships. Proverbs teaches us that wisdom begins with the fear of the Lord. Proverbs 1, 7 says, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.

This means something very, very important. Our relationship with God is directly proportionate in the quality of our horizontal relationship with people. Now what does that mean? If your relationship with God is that important and you’re putting that time and that effort into your relationship with God, it’s directly, it shows directly with your relationship to other people. And I can typically tell when I meet somebody what their relationship with God may be just by how they interact with me.

Are they abrupt? Okay, you look at this and go, how I treat people is often reflection of how, of what’s happening between me and God. How do I talk to other people, Do I listen? Do I forgive? How do I respond?

How do I handle conflict? How do I treat people who can’t do anything for me? Because Christianity isn’t about how we behave in church. Because it just so happens that when we walk through the doors of church, it’s almost like we put on this different personification and go, I’m going to be this way. But when we walk out of church, we’re completely different.

And we’re going to deal with that today. Because what it is, it’s not about how you are in church. It’s about consistency. It’s about how you are in God’s house as well as outside of God’s house. So number one, and we’re going to begin to talk about things like character and communication and conflict.

And we’re going to touch on some pretty significant areas that even I myself have had to deal with. So one of those things is great relationships are built on character. Proverbs 3, 3 and 4 says, Let not mercy and truth forsake you. Bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. And then it goes further and says, so find favor, high esteem in the sight of God and man.

Most relationships start with communication techniques. But Proverbs goes a little bit deeper. It starts with character because eventually every relationship problem becomes a character problem. You can learn to communicate excellent communication techniques. You can learn about conflict resolution.

You can even learn how to say the right words. But if your character is wrong, eventually the relationships what’s going to be, it’s going to suffer because character is who you are when nobody is looking. Character is who you are at home, at church, at work, online, in public and in private. A lot of us switch. I may have the Carl at home, I may have the Carl at church, or I may have the Carl in my car, which loses it every time.

People drive like idiots, which is, quite frankly, often. But integrity of that character says that I am the same person everywhere. See, character creates consistency. In Proverbs 26 it says, Many will say there are loyal friends, but who can find one that is truly reliable? People don’t trust you simply because you’re trustworthy.

They trust because you have demonstrated consistency. Character makes relationships predictable. People know that when they get around you, they don’t have to wonder, which version of you am I going to get today? Faithfulness makes people emotionally safe. Let me give you this statement.

Talent may get people’s attention, but character determines what Whether people can trust you or not. You can have all the talent in the world, but if your character, if you have a character flaw and people can’t trust you. I’ve seen some very talented people in the business world and they can be very successful, but they have a character issue, and that’s a problem. Talent is common. Faithfulness is rare.

People don’t just admire faithful people, they depend on them. I will depend on somebody who’s faithful. I can teach you, especially in my industry, I can teach you things to make you good. If you’re not dependable and your character has flaws, it does me no good. I can’t trust you.

Another one is so the fear of God is what produces character fear. This is where Proverbs really starts to hit the nail on the head. See, the book doesn’t begin with relationships. It begins with God. Because when I get my relationship with God right, it begins to change how I relate to everybody else.

If I truly, truly fear God, it’s going to. I’m going to tell the truth. I’m going to honor people. I’m going to control my tongue. I’m going to forgive easier, I’m going to be more generous.

I’m going to avoid things like pride and I’M going to be a little bit more receptive to correction. Why? Because right relationships are the fruit of a right character, and the right character is the fruit of walking with God. So, number two, we deal with the character now we get into great relationships are built on communication. And this is kind of where our heart of our message is going to be today.

So you can have good character and still need to learn on how to communicate. Because communication can do one of two things. It can either build a bridge or you can burn it real quickly just by coming what comes out of your mouth. So we’re going to go through a couple of the areas, and I want you to pay attention to these, because these are things I’ve had to learn over my 58 years of life. Number one is, my mother used to tell me all this time, you need to listen before you speak.

Proverbs 18:3 says, he who answers a matter before he hears it is folly and shame to him. The new living translation says it this way, spouting off before you listen to the facts is both shameful and foolish. How many have done that? See, here’s the issue. See, most of us don’t listen to understand.

I know when I first got married, I never listened to understand. I would just say, yeah, I’m listening, I’m listening. But what it was, it was going in one ear and out the other. Why is that? Because we listen to respond.

We’re already preparing our answer when, while the other person is still talking, we’re not listening. What we’re doing is we’re loading ammunition. How can I respond to them? The difference is hearing someone and understanding someone. You can hear somebody all day long.

I know my wife would go, I would go, I heard you, I heard you. And she’d go, tell me what I just said. And there are times I’d look at her and I’d write off, verbatim, I heard her. But what I missed was I didn’t understand what she was trying to say to me. In James, it says, be swift to hear and slow to speak.

Sometimes the greatest gift that you can ever give somebody isn’t an answer. It’s just giving them your attention. It’s not just shutting of the mouth. It’s. It’s shutting down your head and shutting your head down and listening and paying attention to them and saying, I get this.

And guys, I know we fail at this sometimes. And guys, but sometimes it’s just like, look, even if you didn’t quite get just, maybe just a response going, I’m Trying to hear you. I’m trying to grab. Could you just repeat that to me? Because I want to make sure that I get this right.

Because if I’m going to take a beating, I want to make sure that I get it right. Let’s be honest. Just kidding. Number two, don’t treat people like objects. See, there’s a powerful concept from a philosopher named Martin buber in his 1923 book I and Thou.

And this concept is called the I it and the I thou. Now I’m going a little bit deeper. I know Pastor TJ loves this kind of stuff, but in an I it relationship, it treats people as objects or tools to be used or experienced or analyzed. It says, what can this person do for me? Or how can they help me?

Or what can I get from them? But an I thou relationship sees the other person as a person, complete, mutual, with openness. Instead of asking, what are you? You’re asking, who are you? The importance in this relationship is that people aren’t products.

They’re not meant to be platforms, stepping stones. And they’re not products. People are souls created in the image of God. And when we begin treating people as objects, relationships now then become transactional. Trust me, I know exactly what that’s like.

It’s called a performance based relationship. If you give me this and do me that, okay, then our relationship means something. But the moment that I dip out of that relationship because of either something that I need to do or God’s telling me to do, I no longer become valuable to you and I’m dismissed. Been there, done that, got the T shirt, and you know what? And it hurts.

Because there are people, let’s be honest, there are people who’ve been in our lives for years, years. We’ve trusted, we walked through the fire with them, we’ve done everything with them. And then all of a sudden we find out, we realize that our relationship has been nothing more than a transaction. But see, our example is that Jesus never treated people that way. Jesus saw people, he stopped, he listened, he touched, and he valued people.

And I’m just going to be honest here, and I’m probably online or whatever, I’m probably going to step on toes. The greatest sometimes the people that do this most is pastors. Because what it is is that we’re looking going, well, how do I grow my church if I use, if I can get this person to do it and I can get this person, look at the example. What did Jesus do? Jesus didn’t look at the disciples and go, I need them.

I need Matthew, Mark, Luke and John because they’re going to help me with this. And Peter’s going to grow the church and this and that and it’s going to make money. He never looked at it that way because Jesus didn’t see what people could become. He valued. He saw their value before they ever became what he called them to be.

And that’s where we, as pastors, we need to be different. This is why I get, I get a lot of comments and people go, you know, we get people that come in from other churches and they’re, you know, or they’re looking for other churches and they’ll tell me and they’ll go, well, you know, we’re just looking great. How can we help you? How can we help you, Brother Alex and pastor Alex and T.J.

and Colleen. And we’re all the same way. We’re like, look, you know, hey, look, if this doesn’t fit, we can fit you somewhere. Why? Because we’re kingdom minded.

Because what we do is we look at the value of the person. Would I like you to fill a seat in my church? Absolutely. And it’s not my church, it’s God’s church. Would I like you to fill a seat in my church?

Absolutely. But you know what? If this isn’t the right fit for you, then you need to be somewhere else. Because I value you because what God sees in you. And because as a shepherd, what I’m supposed to do is maybe as a shepherd I’m supposed to sit here and go, you know what, you’re a sheep, but you’re not supposed to be in this flock because this flock needs you over here.

And see, I learned that the hard way. Would we all like to, you know, we show up and we pack the house out and the church is full? Absolutely. I’d be a fool if I didn’t say I wanted that. But what I want really is I want God.

I want the Holy Spirit here because I want people that God says they’re supposed to be here, because these are the seats that I have left for them, for them to fill. Because that’s what relationship’s all about. Number three is know when to speak and know when not to speak. The old Kenny Rogers song was it, Know when to hold them, know when to fold them. Proverbs 15:23 says a word spoken in due season how good it is.

In Proverbs 25:11 it says, A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. Right words at the wrong time can still be the wrong words. Think about that. Let that sink in. I have people in my life and just, you know, they sit there and they get into an argument over.

Over whatever, and they’re going to, you know, well, I’m right or he or she should have done that or that would have been. And I’m going, I get it. And I’m not saying that you’re wrong, but do me a favor, shut up. Because it’s not. You could be right, but is it worth it tearing this person down just so you can be right?

You know, it’s. His wisdom just says not everything needs to be said immediately and not everything needs to be said publicly. Sometimes you just, you know, just keep your mouth shut. You know, zip it. You don’t necessarily know everything.

Not everything needs to be said by you. You really, you know, let the Holy Spirit, maybe God’s got somebody over here that’s supposed to deliver that news you ain’t it? You know, wisdom sometimes says, wait. It’ll sometimes say, hey, pray about this. And it may even tell you, hey, dude, let it go.

Let it go. Let that train leave out of the station. You don’t need to get on it. But also too, wisdom will say, now’s the time to speak. See, the way this works is truth.

Everything, everything about speaking is. It’s all about time. Timing. It’s all about timing. Number four.

Speak life. Proverbs 12:18 says, There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword. But the tongue of the wise promotes health. Some people leave wounds wherever they go. Doesn’t make a difference.

And they have no clue. They walk into a room and the atmosphere just changes. They speak and people shrink. The Bible says that the tongue of the wise brings healing. We see this in Proverbs 16:24.

Pleasant words are like a honeycomb. Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. So maybe this is a good question that you could ask yourself. Do people leave stronger after talking with me? When your spouse talks to you, do they leave stronger?

When your children talk to you, do they leave stronger? When your friend talks to you, do they leave stronger? When somebody in church talks to you, do they leave stronger? Every conversation does one of two things. It either heals or it wounds.

You don’t have to flatter people. You don’t have to lie to people to make them feel good. But you can still speak truth with grace. Don’t just speak truth. Speak truth in a way that gives life, that lifts people up.

Number five, and this is a tough one. Don’t gossip. Proverbs 11:13 says, A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence in Proverbs 6:20. It says it this way. Fire goes out without wood and quarrels disappear when gossip stops.

Understand this. Gossip needs fuel and somebody has to supply it. I’m just being. I’m just being honest. How many times have we gone into a conversation, go, well, you really didn’t hear this from me, or I’m not gossiping, I’m just sharing.

I’m loving this. Yeah, you walk into somebody and you go, hey, I have a prayer request, Pastor. Okay, Mrs. So and so is just. And you’re just like, Be the person who refuses to supply the fuel.

You don’t have to repeat everything you hear. You don’t have to give your opinion about everything you know. You could be a scholar on any particular subject. You can have three doctorate degrees in counseling. Not everybody needs to know.

They just don’t. You don’t have to become the messenger of everybody’s failure. They do pretty good. I do pretty good failing on my own. When you gossip about somebody, you’re talking about somebody who was created in the image of God.

But when you love people as Christ loved the church, you protect their dignity. Matthew 23:29 says, Thou shall love your neighbor as yourself. Every conversation about a person should leave their dignity intact, even if they aren’t in the room. That’s wisdom, character, but most importantly, that’s Christ. So think about that the next time you feel what would Christ do?

Number three. Great relationships are built on humility. So we’ve talked about character, communication, humility. Proverbs 13:10 says, but pride comes nothing but strife. But with the well advised is wisdom.

The new living translation says it this way. Pride leads to conflicts. Nine times out of 10 when you’re having a conflict is because it has nothing to do about the the topic that you were talking about. It’s about defending your own position. That’s really what it is.

You don’t care one iota what the other person is talking about. You haven’t listened to understand them. You’re too busy trying to load ammunition to defend yourself. Pride. Not misunderstanding, not personality, not circumstances, but pride.

Most conflict eventually comes down to these things. I’m right, it’s my way, it’s my preference, it’s my reputation, and it’s my opinion. I won’t tell you what my grandfather used to say about opinions. Proverbs says that pride produces strife, but humility changes the equation. Humility doesn’t mean that you’re worthless.

It’s not saying that I’m worthless that I become a welcome mat and you get to walk all over me. Humility is just strength under control. When you can control this, you gain control. It says, excuse me, I may not know everything, and I may not be right. I may need correction, and I may.

I can listen. I was wrong. I may need to apologize. I can prefer someone else. That’s why Proverbs 15:33 says, before honor is humility.

God promotes humble people, and people trust humble people. Have somebody come in and they’re all about themselves. The conversation. They immediately get into a conversation, and it’s about them. Everything is about them.

What they did, how they’re doing it. I know this, I know that. And it’s just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. Number four is great relationships require healthy conflict. They do.

Healthy relationships don’t avoid conflict. They just learn how to handle it a whole lot better. Because I can guarantee you, every marriage is going to have a conflict. Every family is going to have a conflict. Every friendship eventually is going to have a conflict.

And trust me, churches have conflicts all the time. The question isn’t about whether or not we’re going to have a conflict. The question is, what will we do when the conflict comes? Proverbs gives us four examples and four principles on this matter, and I want to quickly run through them. Number one is overlook minor offenses.

Proverbs 19:11 says this. A discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is overlook at transgressions. Not every offense deserves a confrontation. Yes, some things do need to be addressed, but some things just need to. Quite frankly, they just need to be released.

Why is that? Because mature people, wise people, don’t make mountains out of molehills. Sometimes love says, I’m just gonna let this go. Sometimes mature people just say, you know what? I’m gonna let them unload.

I know I’m right. I know that I didn’t do anything wrong. I know that I didn’t do this. But a mature person comes in and says, I’m just gonna let them unload. Going to let them get them off a chest.

And I’m just going to let this one slide because I’m going to walk away with my integrity and my character intact. Number one or number two, you confront when necessary. There are times when you cannot simply overlook it. Proverbs 27, verses 5 and 6 says, Open rebuke is better than love carefully conceived. And it goes on further to say that faithful are the wounds of a friend.

This is powerful because love sometimes has to tell the truth. This is why you need to be very careful. Who is your core? If you let every Tom Smith and Granny come into your core, you’re going to get a lot of different opinions. But when you learn to tighten up the cord of those that you trust and they trust you, they help you build character.

When that person comes in and says, hey, I need to talk to you, this is why, like when Pastor Alex can come to me and he could say, hey, brother, I need to talk to you about something, and he’s coming to me in love first, but he’s coming to me in correction. Why? Because he’s not pointing out a fault with what he’s doing is he sees something better in me. He sees what God sees and says, hey, you’re kind of getting off the track here, but here’s what I want to do as a brother in the Lord, I need to get you back on the track. Silence isn’t always kindness.

Silence is sometimes just being flat out selfish. I don’t want conflict. Nobody likes conflict. Nobody does. I don’t want to offend that person.

I just. I really don’t want to. I got enough going on in my life. I really don’t want to offend that person. But if the Holy Spirit has talked to you and said to you, you need to go to that person, why do you think the Bible says, look, number one, if you have an offense against somebody or you know that somebody did something wrong, you go to them one on one.

Then if they don’t, and if they don’t respond, then you grab a brother or sister in the Lord and then you go and, and you talk to them. Then the reality is what happens next. It’s up to them. You did your biblical due diligence. You did what you had to do.

Then simply just pray for them. Pray for them. A true friend loves you enough to tell you what you need to hear. Number three, don’t escalate the argument. Proverbs 17:14 says, the beginning of strife is the release of releasing water.

Therefore, stop contention before the quarrel starts. You don’t have to win every argument. You don’t have to answer every accusation, and you don’t have to have the last word. How many. Hey, look, husbands.

I’ve done this. But, but wait, no. And all the time what’s happening is, is that your, your temperature is going like this. Click, click, click, click. Why?

Pride’s getting in and you don’t like being poked. So what’s happening in. And then what inevitably happens because this is done. I’m speaking from. I’m speaking from experience.

All of a sudden it’s like your brain leaves your body and your mouth assumes the position and you let it fly. And then when it’s done, what happens is you’re left with the aftermath of a bomb and you’re going, what did I just do? What did I just do? Learn to control the fire. You know, fires are great.

We can keep them in a nice little fire pit, cook some dogs, some marshmallows, s’, mores, you know, they warm you up. We could sit around and have conversations. But you cannot sit around a forest fire because what happens is if you let it get out of control, it will eventually control you. Stop the floodgates before it opens. This is really easy.

Fight the problem, not the person. Look at why. What’s the argument about? Stop looking at the person, stop attacking the person and deal with the issue. Don’t add gasoline to the fire.

Here’s a good one. Probably step on some toes. Stop bringing up 10 years of history because of one disagreement Today. Forgiveness is a fire. If they hurt you, they’re probably not going to forget it, which I get that.

But if you openly forgave them, let it go. Let it go. And here’s what I would say to that. If we committed a sin and we did something wrong, and yet we go to God and go, God, I plead the blood, I need you to forgive me. And God says, I forgive you.

You, your sin is covered from the east is to the west. But yet then when we go, somebody wrongs us, then what happens is we kind of take that, we go, I’m going to put it back here, I’m going to hold on to it. And then when you get into an argument and all of a sudden it’s like you’re reaching back into your equiver and you’re getting ready to load that bow and go, well, you did this ten years ago. Sometimes we just need to go, God, it’s you deal with the issue. What is the issue at hand?

Deal with the problem. When you’re dealing with the problem and you’re trying to get that, figure it out. Two adults can figure a lot of stuff out. They really can. When you control your tongue, you control your attitude, you work in and amongst character and you’re working in amongst good communication.

What happens? We’re here to solve this problem. Here’s the problem. This is the problem right here. We’re going to deal with this.

We’re not going outside that. I’m not here trying to hurt you. But we need. We’ve got it. We’re doing life together.

Let’s figure this out. Don’t attack their character because you disagree with their position. Everybody has a position. They do. Doesn’t mean you got to attack them on it.

You did not corner you or I did not corner the market on truth. If they hurt you, deal with the hurt. What’s the reason why? Man up, woman up. Because there’s a lot of hate out there and we just need to figure out so we can move on and so we can get past.

And God would love. These are foxes. These are little foxes that, you know, the enemy just kind of lets him run loose and go, well, if I could tie him up in this, I could tie him up in that. And, you know, pretty soon I’m going to drive a wedge between them and their marriage or their friendship or this or that. And what I, you know, I’ve successfully destroyed another one.

That’s not what God wants. We’re stronger when we’re together. Number four, soft answer changes everything. Proverbs 15. One says a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Notice this, though, it doesn’t say that a soft answer turns away the truth or avoids the truth. You can tell the truth without being cruel. You can disagree without being disrespectful. And you can confront without destroying. You can be strong without being harsh.

Sometimes the difference between a conversation that heals and a conversation that explodes is simply the tone. Now, I’m really bad at this. I’m very. Understand this. I’m just a country boy, okay?

I am sensitive. I married a queen’s girl, okay? And even though we’ve been married for 30 some years, I still get the tone messed up because she’s telling me something. And I get my feelings hurt because I’m not taking that tone. And I’m like, well, wait a minute, she’s attacking me.

And she’s like, I’m not. And then she’s got to remind me. She goes, this is how I raise. She goes, you need to just grow a little bit of skin. And I’m like, well, that hurt my feelings.

But here’s the key. And this is what she said to me. And it’s true. She said, I love you so much. And if you know that I love you, then why would you even think that I’m out to hurt you?

So if I say something a Different way that you may not. I’m just giving it to you. This is just me. This is who I am. And immediately what I’m going is.

She’s attacking me. The reality is, is. No, what it is, is I’m just an idiot. Because what I’m doing is I’m. I’m like.

I’m. You know, let’s be honest. I’m like. I’m soft, I’m squishy. I’m like, man, you know, I’m.

She hurt my feelings. And my wife’s looking at me going, get over it. I’m not here to hurt your feelings. She does. But that’s just.

But that’s just it, because what we’re doing is we pay attention to the tone. It’s like we forget about the context of the conversation. We’re too busy looking at the content, and we’re trying to go on, well, did the content come in as a softball? Did it come in as a fastball? Did it come up over the top and kind of hit me, you know, in the squishies?

And it’s just like, you know, it’s like, come on, you know, it’s like, look, if you know that the person loves you and the person is just trying to have a conversation with you, then just work through that and quite honestly, and go, well, you know, this is what I heard. You know, her and I, we do this. We’ll do sometimes. Like, we’ll go. And she says, well, I didn’t mean it that way.

And she goes, how did you hear it? And I said, well, I heard it this way. And she may look at it. She goes, well, I can see where you might think that she goes, but that’s not exactly the way that. That’s not how I meant it.

And what that is, what are we doing? We’re conversing. So the real question that we have here as we finish this up is we have to take a step back. We’ve talked about character, communication, humility and conflict. All these things revert back to the same place, and that is Jesus.

Because Jesus didn’t just teach us how to have better relationships. He showed us what a good relationships looked like. Why? Because what did he do? He valued people.

He listened to them, he spoke to them, he showed them compassion. He confronted the sin, he forgave them, he served him, but he all did it humbly. Philippians 2 tells us that he humbled himself and became obedient, even to the point of death, even the death of the cross. See, that’s just it right there. A lot of us are too busy trying to protect us and try to protect what we have instead of realizing, look, let me just fall on my sword here because I love you, the one who had every right to demand everything, to choose, forgive, and that is truly humility, love.

And quite honestly, that’s just the relationship. So in conclusion, what kind of person are you in the relationship? Let me bring it back to where we started. How many relationships have you wrecked? How many things have you said that you could go back and go, ooh, I wish I had taken that back?

How have you allowed pride to destroy something that God gave you? How about when maybe instead of talking, you should have listened. Okay? Or maybe when you’ve listened, maybe you should have spoken. Or how about in a conversation, did you wound somebody?

Or somebody wounded you? Maybe today you’re looking at this going, well. Can this relationship be restored? The answer is yes. Because quite frankly, with Jesus, everything can be restored.

He specialized in it. Jesus was the restoration specialist. He restores broken hearts. He restores broken relationships and people. But here’s where it begins.

Everything begins with your relationship with God. Because the healthiest relationship you will ever have is not with your spouse. It’s not with your children, it’s not with your friends. It’s with God. That’s where it all starts.

And I know we’ve kind of been jumping all over the page, but I want to leave you with this, and I want you to get it down, tattoo it on your brain. Get this. God changes our character. Our character changes our communication. Our communication changes our relationship.

Where does it all go back to God? Where’s your relationship at with the Lord? Am I the kind of person that I would want to be in a relationship with? Because understand this. Healthy relationships don’t begin with finding better people.

They begin with becoming a better person. So why don’t we stand? We’re going to close with this. Stop looking at the person that hurt you. Stop looking at the person and go, that person needs to change.

Stop looking at the person and go, that person doesn’t communicate well. Instead, let God change you. Maybe what you need to do is we go before God in prayer and we say, God, instead of saying, lord, change my husband, change my wife, change my children, or change my friend, what we need to do sometimes is we need to just sit here and go, God, change me. Change me. Change the way I speak, change the way I listen, Change the way that I respond.

God, change my pride, change my attitude, change my heart. Because here’s the truth of the matter. You may not ever be able to change the people in your relationship, but you can decide what kind of person you’re going to be in that relationship. And when Jesus gets a hold of your heart, he changes the way you love, you listen, you forgive, you confront, you communicate. And most importantly, he changes the way that you see people, even the person that has hurt you the deepest or the most.

When you begin to get your relationship where God needs it to be, God will begin to show you. He’ll show you what he sees in that person. And then what that does is that gives you the ability to begin to attack that through prayer. So what can God do through me for them? Well, that’s when relationships change, marriage changes, family changes, everything changes.

God doesn’t transform relationships by changing everyone around you. He begins by transforming the very person that’s in that relationship, and that’s you. So here’s my challenge for you today, and we’re going to end with this. Be the person who brings peace into the room. Be the person who speaks life.

Be the person who keeps the confidence. Be the person who knows when to speak and when to be silent. Be the person who can maturely say, you know what, I was wrong. Be that person who can be the first to forgive. Be the person that can tell the truth in love.

And be the person who adds value wherever God sends you. The goal isn’t to simply have better relationships. The goal is to become more like Jesus in every relationship we have. So when you walk out of this place today, ask this Lord, what do you want to do to change in me? Because when Jesus changes a heart and heart changes the relationship, and when the relationships change, the world gets a glimpse of Jesus.

They see Jesus in you 20 with every head bowed and every eye closed. Heavenly Father, I know that just in talking with people around here, we’ve had some difficult relationships. And we’ve got things that we’re working through. Heavenly Father, I just pray right now. Lord God, change us.

Change me. Change Carl today. Father, help me listen more. Help me understand more. Help me love more.

Help me not to be maybe so sensitive. Father, I pray, Lord God, let me be the friend that I would want to be in a relationship. Help all of us, Lord God, let. When we walk out of here today, let us be the salt. Let us be the flavor that you send out into the community, that people look at us and go, man, there’s something different about that person.

I want that person in my life. Father, I pray right now through situations that are going on that, Father, where somebody may be saying, this is beyond me, and I’m over this. I just can’t deal with this. Father God, I pray that miraculously you would intervene in that relationship. Change that person, touch that person.

Help them see the person that they’re in conflict with. Help them to see that person through your eyes. Speak to them. Father, we pray. Help us to be who we need to be in the relationships that you have set us in.

Father, we love you and we praise you. We give you glory and we give you honor for everything that you’re going to do today. In your name, Amen. And amen.