Signs they Might be the One

So today, we are in part three of our series on Ruth. On Ruth. How many of you have enjoyed Ruth so far? It's been really good. Taking a different perspective on Ruth, but for sure.

This is an incredible, incredible... I'm having an incredible time studying it and taking it from this direction. And we've been talking about these characters in Ruth, but we've been mentioning relationships. We've just come out of Valentine's Day, and we're still kind of in that season of trying to figure it out. Some of you are single here today.

Many of you are married here today. Many of you are single, actually. Many of you. We have a very large single population in our church of all ages. And what a great opportunity.

I just love talking about relationships. I love talking about marriages. And in part three, we're going to talk about how hard it is, okay? We're getting a little deeper from last week. I kind of introduced you to some qualities of what it means to have a Boaz and have a Ruth.

But this week, I want to talk about some other things. How do you even date? How do you even date these days? It's hard, right? It really is hard.

What do you do? It's like a job interview. You've got to dress, right? You've got to dress the part. You show up.

You've got to say certain things. How do you end the date? Where do you stop? Do you take them to the door? Is there a kiss on the first day?

Is there a shake? It's just really, really weird. Dating can be awkward. Back in the day, back when I was dating, you just talked, right? You got together and you talked.

But now we have online dating and people don't talk as much. They already are putting their profile together. And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with online dating. For sure it works. I've got a really good friend who actually planted a church in Raleigh, North Carolina in that area.

And he was one of the guys on TV in eHarmony. He met his wife on eHarmony. And they actually were a picture-perfect couple on a commercial. And every time that commercial came on, I said, there's Nate. There's Nate, man.

I grew up with that guy. And it was really, really cool. But they're actually ministering together, have a wonderful family, doing a great job. So I'm not pushing away online dating. But on the flip side, it can make people into a commodity.

Like I can choose my profile, like a game or something like that. Oh, I can put, you know, they can be handsome and humble here. Or they need to look like this, attractive and strong. Or they got to like the same desserts. They got to like the same music.

And you already have this person picked out before you even meet this person. And then we look at the profile. And they got the filters because they always use their best picture in a profile. So you're looking at that profile and you're trying to determine what they like. Do they like dancing in the rain?

Do they like the notebook? There you go. There you go. Got all these different qualities, which we think are qualities, that we are trying to find for someone, find the someone, but the One. The One is what we're looking for, and what is the One?

How do we find the One? What does that look like? Is there even a One? In Frozen, any Disney fans in here? Frozen, I love how Disney actually got it right this time in Frozen, because life isn't necessarily a Cinderella story, is it, that you just find somebody and fall in love, and Anna meets Han, and they have this beautiful music moment.

It takes forever for them to get through one song. They're just dancing all over town, singing the song, because they found the One. But later on, she meets this other guy named Kristoff, and accidentally she meets him, but he's asking about her, and she's like, I'm in love, and she says, love with who? And she says, this guy says, you know, I met him the other day. You just met the guy?

You can't fall in love with someone you just met. And the whole show comes back, the whole movie comes back to that point. How do you fall in love with someone you just met? It's called true love, you know, and that's how she answers it. But what we find out is Disney actually gets it right, and it ended up horribly, because Han ended up double-stabbing her.

He was trying to go out after the kingdom. He was duplicitous. So whether it's the One or not, how do we find the One? Because obviously life isn't Cinderella. There's a lot of different nuances, and it's very hard.

Most often it's a process to find a One. So let's go to the book of Ruth. Let's go back and let's continue the book of Ruth. And to give you some context, get you caught up if you've missed the other weeks, Ruth was a Moabite woman. She left Moab for Bethlehem, and she committed her life to the God of Israel rather than the God of the Moabites, which were a heathen nation who sacrificed children.

It was not a good place to be. And this week we watch Ruth, a widow, get to know this man named Boaz that she ran into last week. And we will see principles that will help us date wisely. It will also be principles that will help us enjoy our marriages better, to figure out our marriages better. So this is kind of a...

I'm mostly dealing with single people, but this is definitely marriage material. So take notes. Pull out your notes. You've got your flimsy note page right in there. Pull that out.

You've got a table near you. Get to a table and take some notes today. And if you have questions, come back with questions. I love questions, okay? I get questions all the time, and it's great to answer those questions.

So the main principle I want to get to today is that instead of just looking for what you want to get from someone, what if, or I would suggest you look for what you want to give to someone. Instead of wanting to get what you want from someone, rather start thinking... Thinking about, what am I going to give to someone? Because you tend to attract what you are rather than what you want. You tend to attract what you are rather than what you want.

Do you attract the right people? Look at your friends and your dates. How are they going? If they're constantly bad luck, which is that's what we're calling, I just have bad luck. I don't know why I keep attracting these kind of people.

Perhaps you should look at yourself. Perhaps you're not where you need to be so you tend to attract who you are rather than what you want. And married people, if you aren't liking what you're seeing in your marriage and you're constantly trying to get your spouse to be somebody or do something better, perhaps take a look at yourself. Maybe there's some things that you could change about yourself. You can't change them, but you can certainly change you.

You can be a better you. And sometimes that's all it takes. When two people are in a relationship and they're just constantly pointing the finger at the other person, how can you get better? You can only fix you. You can't fix the other person.

Yeah, you can have counseling. That's great. Yeah, you can have talks about how to do better. But if it's constantly back and forth about how you need to be better, how you need to get better, then it just doesn't work. In fact, Andy Stanley says it like this, become the person you are looking for is looking for.

We need to be becoming the person that we're looking for is looking for. In our marriages, we need to be becoming. We need to be becoming the person we are looking for in our spouse is looking for. So we're continuing in Ruth chapter two. And what we see is Boaz gets to know Ruth.

What do we see? We see four signs that you might have found the one. Four signs that you might have found the one. You want to know the one? Here's some good indications that they might be the one.

So in context, Boaz is a man of standing. We talked about that last week. He's this man of standing. He's very impressive. And they just so happen to run into each other, Ruth and Boaz.

He's kind and he's generous to her. He treats her well. And here's her response, beginning with verse 10 of chapter 2. He says, She may have not had high self-esteem. It seems to indicate that she may not have had high self-esteem.

But we don't know. There's nothing for sure there. She may have been attractive. She may not have been attractive. We don't have any indication of that.

There's a lot of things there that we have no idea of. But what we do know is that Boaz was not looking on the outside. He was looking at the inside. What we know, a man of standing looks on the inside rather than the outside. He's not looking at her looks necessarily.

He's not looking at her. On the inside of my head. I don't know. Her qualities on the outside necessarily, he's looking at the qualities on the inside. So point one, character.

Seeking character. Character. That should be the first thing we lean into. Look what happens here in verse 11. Boaz replied, I've been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband.

How you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with the people you did not know before. So he's like, you know, I've been hearing about you, Ruth. I've heard about you. I heard that you pursued the one and only true God. I see that you're loyal to your mother-in-law.

You're loyal to God. You're not a victim. You're a hard worker because you're out here in the fields working. You didn't compromise your body to other men because you're a widow as was the regular thing in that day for those who couldn't make a living because they were widowed. Boaz said, I noticed some godly characters in you.

You have some godly characters that I'm attracted to. So let me ask you this, going back to you, becoming the person you're looking for or looking for. Are you a person of character? Are you a spiritual? Do you have spiritual character?

Do you have character? Not just Christian by name. It's easy to say we're Christians. It's easy to wear the name of Christian, but a serious disciple of Christ. Meaning what you do the other six days of the week is full of integrity.

It's full of righteousness. It treats people well. It's not partying on Saturday night and showing up on Sunday holy and righteous on Sunday morning. Right? It's living out and going from bed to bed all during the week.

And then you come here, I want a holy, righteous woman. Right? Or a holy, righteous man. It's not that. What is your spiritual character?

Let me just give you a little bit of a funny side point here, but probably serious. If you're going to party on the weekend and you're on the volunteer team at church, it's probably wise not to put it on Facebook and then call in the next day and say you're sick. At the beginning of the church, we have a situation like that. You know, I'm partying at the bar, but I have a stomach ache in the morning and not showing up. But, you know, it might be good to practice some integrity there.

Right? Just be honest with us. Okay? This is an honest church. It's an honest environment.

Because you can't build your life or you can't build a life of righteousness on a foundation of sin. You cannot build a life of righteousness, being right with God on a foundation of sin. We all want a righteous life. We all want to live healthy and holy marriages. But if you want something different, you must do something different.

As I talked about last week, if you want something different, you've got to do something different. Because the way everybody else is doing it isn't working. Something's wrong. Something's not working when half of marriages are ending in divorce. And most of the other half are really, really struggling.

There's something in different divorce are not possible. And the same thing is. There's something. Going right. So if we want something different, we've got to look for something different.

Are we growing in God's Word? Are they growing in God's Word? You don't just go to church. Are you involved in church? Are you serving?

Do you tell the truth? Do they tell the truth? Are you conforming to the image of Christ? Are they conforming to the image of Christ? It may not be perfect.

We're not perfect, but we're trying to be perfected daily. We're being perfected daily in Jesus Christ, conforming to His image. So we want to see character. So when you meet somebody, let me say this, pay attention. Pay attention.

How do they treat others? How do they treat your family? How do they treat the waiter or the waitress? How do they serve other people? What is their work ethic?

Do they work hard? Do they have a job? Do they not care? Who do they hang around? You can kind of see what a person's like by who they hang around.

Who they surround themselves with. Because again, we attract who we are. If we're hanging around questionable people, we have to ask ourselves, if they're a jerk, if they're critical, if they're pushing you sexually, if they're distracting you from God, your church, your small group, directing you into a place you normally wouldn't go, then it may be a sign that this is not a godly character. There's a lot of indications there. And when a person shows you who they are, believe them.

And they're like, hey, here I am. This is who I am. Believe it. Believe them. They're being honest.

And if you're dating and they are not helping you grow closer to Christ, then get out of Moab. Leave Moab. Don't stay in Moab. Boaz was a man of character. He noticed Ruth's character and he began to explore the next point, connection.

We step into connection. How do we connect with people? How do we how do we talk? How do we get to know each other? It's not slipping a DM to somebody and say, come on over to my house, girl.

You know, we'll watch some Netflix, chill. I got some grub, you know, and we can, you know, we'll see what happens after that. You know, it's it's not that you don't you don't work. He polite. If you look at Boaz, he politely invites her over to have a meal, a nice meal.

And he connects with her and gets to know her. Look at verse 14 at mealtime. At mealtime, Boaz said to her, come over here, have some bread and dip it in a wine and the wine vinegar. And when she sat down with the harvesters, he offered her some roasted grain and she ate all she wanted and had some leftover. So what you notice here is is Ruth doesn't move too fast.

Don't move too fast. Ruth's in here. Don't move too fast. Don't move too fast. Don't don't be don't don't overwhelm him.

OK, with with do you want to get married? How many kids do you want? What are we? And then you text them all hours of the night. What you doing?

Hey, I miss you. It's like, whoa, it's too much. It's too much. If you notice, she she moves slowly. She it's OK.

It's like, it's a great business. I could make an investment in the house. It's too much. Pay to have conversation, but when you come to the table with a list of questions, I mean, it's just too much. Don't smother the other person.

Just connect. Just slow down, connect, get to know the person. Be friends at first. Just get to know the person. And ladies, here's what you want.

You want a guy who initiates conversation. You don't want a guy who's just sitting there staring at your body the whole time. Okay? You want somebody who actually wants to get to know you. Thank you for that uh-oh, that feels good when you give me that feedback.

You gotta put... Those of you online, y'all probably didn't hear that. You need to be at church on Sunday, you're gonna mess out. You gotta put effort into it. They need to be putting effort into this.

He pursues you and not your body. He wants you. He wants to figure out you. He's discovering character. Exploring connection.

We're discovering character. We're exploring connection. And then thirdly, we're showing consideration. We're showing consideration. Man, I love that word consideration.

That's like my love language. Consideration. Consider other people. We live in a world that doesn't consider other people. I told you my donut story a few weeks ago, right?

I go to Dunkin' Donuts and I feel like I'm just... Duck Donuts, rather. Duck Donuts, okay? Let me get that right. Duck Donuts.

Not Dunkin' Donuts. Duck Donuts. My wife is correcting me. Here. Duck Donuts, okay?

These are good donuts. They're not Dunkin' Donuts. You can have your Dunkin' Donuts. I love Duck Donuts. And I was really wanting some Duck Donuts that night when I walked in and I felt like I was an inconvenience to the people working there when I showed up 45 minutes early to get me some donuts and they said, we're out, sorry.

I said, go back there and make me some donuts, man. You're not closed. And I was considerate and I let the other person go before me and they got six donuts. And when I got up there, they only had like one or two left. And I'm like, hello?

I mean, it just kills me. That hurt. I just get so infuriated when there's a lack of respect and consideration for others. And you see it all the time. It's a commodity, I think, that we've lost.

It's an attribute that's been lost. But look how it happens in Scripture. She got up to glean in verse 15. And Boaz gave orders to his men, let her gather among the sheaves and don't reprimand her. Even pull out some stocks for her from the bundle and leave them for her to pick up.

And don't rebuke her. Don't rebuke her. So he's regarding her with dignity. He's letting her work, okay? He's not necessarily giving a handout.

But he's making it easy for her. He's considering her. Giving her extra. She's a woman in the field. She's been working all day.

Take care of her. Consider her. And in chapter 17, it talks about this ephah, that she collected an ephah. An ephah just means a lot, a lot. It's equal to two weeks wages.

She did it in one day. She got two weeks wages because He blessed her. He blessed her with more than she even needed. Now, if you're dating, that's a good thing. If your person is blessing you more than you even deserve, that's a keeper.

Don't settle. If they're not going out of their way for you, don't settle. If they're not doing things that are important to you and going above and beyond things that are important for you, spiritual life included, if they're not coming to church with you, if they're not interested, if they're not... Hello. You don't have to settle.

You don't have to settle. I know some of you are like, well, I can't find anybody else. That's them. That's the only person that's interested in me. Don't settle.

You don't have to settle. God has so much more for you, and He wants to do exceedingly and abundantly above all you can ask or think. That's what the Apostle Paul says in the Spirit. And the Spirit of God wants you to do exceedingly and abundantly. And God wants you to do exceedingly and abundantly.

He wants to give you so much more abundant than what you have right now. And ladies, listen, when you're dating, put some thought into your dating experience. Don't just go on a date and say, ah, that was miserable, but I'll give him a break. No, no, no. It's important.

You can see a lot about a person. You can see a lot about a guy. How he cleans his car. Is his car cleaned? Does he open the door in the car for you?

Is he nicely dressed? Is he presentable? Because if he's not dressing for you, he doesn't find you important, right? I'm not saying he has to be in a suit and tie. I'm just saying, you know, does he smell good?

He doesn't stink, you know. Has he washed his hair lately? Does he do thoughtful things? Does he put thought into gifts? Does he think about you?

Does he carry you to a nice restaurant? His idea of a royal evening isn't Burger King and Dairy Queen. It's something nice. Some of you said, wait, we went to Burger King last night. Nudging your husband.

He values you. He walks you through the door. He protects you. He prays for you. He's spiritually looking after you.

He honors you. And guys, if you want a roof, you need to become some of these things. In fact, you need to become all these things. You need to be a giver. Boaz was a giver.

You need to be considerate of her. Practice consideration. The person you are looking for, right? Be that. Be the person you are looking for, is looking for.

Because you don't just attract what you want. You tend to attract what you are. Become who you are looking for. Character, connection, consideration, and then receiving confirmation. We need confirmation.

Confirmation. Confirmation. Confirmation. Confirmation. We need confirmation.

It's important to listen to the people that we surround ourselves with, especially those who we need to listen to. Ruth takes home the ethos with that ridiculous amount of grain and shows Naomi. She's like, Naomi, look what I got. Look at all this. And here's Naomi's reaction.

I love this. Her mother-in-law asked her, where did you glean today? Where did you work? And let me just put this in the proper context, because we can read it and make it boring. But here's what she said.

Blessed be the man who took notice of you. Imagine that. Blessed be that man. I like this guy. You need to be digging a little deeper about this guy.

Who did this? He's good. He's honorable. He's a godly man. He's all those things.

So Naomi loved Ruth. Naomi loved Ruth. Ruth came with her. There's a reason that Ruth came with her. Partly, yes, she wanted to leave Moab, but there was something about Naomi.

Naomi, they had a great connection. She wanted to serve Naomi. And Naomi loved Ruth. She prayed that she would find a good husband. And it's always a sign when those that love you the most like who you like.

It's a good sign. How do we know that? Well, there's a few tests you can take. You can take the family test. If you've got a good family, you know, your family knows you really well.

Invite them over to dinner for your family. I've heard, you know, people have a family. The family kind of feels out the guy or the girl, you know. Do they mix well? Are they engaged?

Do they contribute? Are they polite? Are they respectful? Do they have potential? You know, do they have a game plan?

There's collective confirmation there that you can consider. If they are none of those things, then you'll know. Your family will tell you. Your family will let you know if they're not feeling right about it because they probably know you better than anyone. Or maybe it's your friends.

Hopefully you have a good community of Christian friends. Christian friends who will look at it from a spiritual perspective. Your family and friends you trust. If they don't like the person you're dating, maybe it's wise to listen to them. Listen to what they have to say.

But we like the buts, right? We like the buts. Some of you are like, oh gosh, where's he going with this? But I love him. He has so much potential.

You don't know her like I know her. But you don't know her like I know her. I'm with her all the time. You may disagree, but you don't know her. Be careful.

Be careful. Be careful to not let your emotions. Be careful not to let lust. Be careful not to let, especially if you're engaged in premarital sex. Let's just talk about that for a second.

The Bible teaches us that sex is a gift. A gift from God between a man and a woman. A special thing for the covenant of marriage. Something we are to be able to enjoy together. And the Bible also teaches that.

that says Sex is intoxicating. Proverbs 5 says sex is intoxicating, meaning you are drunk, and when you are drunk, you don't think clearly. When you are drunk, you don't see clearly. And when you're drunk, people look better than they really are. And in a sexual lifestyle, a premarital lifestyle, you can't see.

You're not making good decisions, okay? I love how Robert Morris put it. He was using an example, Pastor Robert Morris in Gateway in Texas, a mega church there. He was sharing a story about he and his son being out in the field at this land they owned, and they were walking around exploring, trying to figure out their hunting. They like to hunt, so they're trying to figure out their spots and stuff.

And these does, and it was mating season, these two does just came running by him, like really close. We're like, wow, we've never seen a deer come that close to us, especially the way they did. And just a few seconds later, this big, massive buck comes through, and he comes running through right after them. And he catches up with them, not too far from this wall to over here, and they're, you know, it's mating season. So things are happening, right?

And they're watching that, and he thought in his mind, you know, if he only knew, that buck only knew how dangerous it was that I was right here, and I could just pick up a gun and shoot them right now. But he can't because he's focused on something else. Same thing in our lives. When we're focused on something else, we don't focus on the right things. We don't see ahead.

So if your mom doesn't like him, your dad doesn't like him, your sister, your brother doesn't like him, your friend doesn't like him, your best friend doesn't like him, your best friend's friend doesn't like him, and your dog probably doesn't like him, I think there's a good chance that that's probably not the one. Don't be intoxicated, okay? Confirmation. Confirmation. And what's interesting is Ruth shows up.

She's sweaty, she's dirty, she probably has no makeup on, obviously. She's been working all day. She's not the best looking. She's not the best looking. And Boaz sees something different.

He sees character. He notices he can connect with her. They're connecting. She shows consideration to him, he shows consideration to her, and there's confirmation in the process because Ruth sees that this guy is more, and Naomi's backing her up. Hey, if you don't see these qualities, chances are you're in Moab, and you need to return to the bread of life, which is Bethlehem.

If you're married and your relationship isn't where you should be, check yourself. Be patient. Because let me get to this. Let me get to this. And in closing, Ruth told Naomi this man is what they call...

A kinsman redeemer, or a man who, what is a kinsman redeemer, or other words, a guardian redeemer? Ruth 2.20 it says, he is one of our guardian redeemers. That is a person who, say a widow loses her husband, and that day there was nobody to protect her. So the next kin in the family, the next of kin would take her in, take care of her, protect her, give her a life.

Because she had lost her husband, she had lost everything. And that day women depended on their husband. Everything that they had was their husband's. And when their husband was gone, everything went to the next of kin. And they were responsible, responsible to take them in and bless them, take care of them, nurture them.

And he was a redeemer. And Naomi notices that. This is a redeemer. This is a kinsman redeemer. This is a guardian redeemer.

Protects, pays the debt, provides for the family. See, legally Boaz isn't, if you go on in the story, isn't obligated to take her in because he is not the next of kin. Yes, he's a kin, but there was another person. There was a closer kin. Again, he was not obligated to take her in.

He was not Elimelech's brother. And Ruth certainly wasn't an Israelite. Why in the world would I want to take a Moabite in? Why? Boaz doesn't owe Ruth anything, but chooses to give her everything.

He doesn't owe her anything, but he chooses to bring her in and bless her with everything. He's not obligated by law. This is grace. And this is what we see in Jesus Christ. This is a type of Jesus Christ.

We see in the Old Testament Jesus Christ bleeding through the Scripture. He protects us. He pays for our sins. He meets all our needs. All things are good in him.

He takes what's broken and makes it new. He puts it back together. If anyone is in Christ, they are a new creation in Jesus name. A new life is given to us. A new place is given to us.

A new future is given to us. No matter where you've been, no matter what you've done, no matter what you're going through, you're living with someone now, you're struggling in marriage. He wants to heal your divorce. If you've been through divorce and you're broken, he wants to heal you from that. He wants to heal your struggling marriage.

And he wants to bring your relationships back into the redeeming nature of God. No sin is too great for his grace. No marriage is too broken for God to heal. And no relationship is beyond God's redemption. God is available to us.

Jesus is our guardian redeemer. And he is available for you today. And if you would open up... Your hearts and your lives. As we pray, as we bow our heads, we close our eyes today and we ask God to speak to us in this room.

God, we just invite your spirit here. As you speak to us through your message, as you speak to us through the word, Jesus, our guardian redeemer, we realize that you love us, Lord. Some of us today have experienced something different just by the words of this message, experienced something different by worshiping and being a part of this whole environment, Lord. Maybe you've been triggered today that something in you knows that there's more under the lordship of Jesus than what you're currently experiencing. Today, you're ready to give your life to Jesus Christ.

If that's you today, would you make that decision? I plead with you to make that decision today that God has the best for you. He wants everything for you. He is not obligated to do it for you, but by grace he has made everything available for you. The grains of the field are fully available in the name of Jesus.

Would you make that decision today in Jesus' name by praying this with me and all the church together pray, Jesus, I believe that you are the Son of God, that you died on the cross for my sin, that I turn away from my sin, and I turn towards Bethlehem, the redeeming grace that you give. I surrender my life to you. Come into my heart, God. Redeem me. Change me.

Make me new today. I give you the praise and I give you the glory for changing my life. Thank you, my guardian redeemer. Amen. I give you the praise and I give you the glory for changing my life.

Amen. We'll be right back.