The Integrity Question

So, we are in week two of the series, Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets, and let me start off by just making this statement. The easiest person to deceive is the person in the mirror. The easiest person to deceive is the person in the mirror. It shouldn't be this way, but it is. But for a moment, just let that sink in.

In fact, let me rub it in a little bit, okay? You have talked yourself into, deceived yourself into, and sold yourself on every bad decision that you've ever made. Worse, you were the mastermind behind most of the bad decision, if not all the bad decisions, irregrettable decisions that you made, whether they were financially, relationally, spiritually, academically. Why? Because you were there, right?

You were there for all those decisions, and you've probably done more to undermine, you've probably done more to undermine your success and progress than any other individual on the planet. Granted, there were outside pressures and people that were speaking into you, but ultimately, you made the decision. You made the decision, you undermined your progress and your success. And the reason I know so much about this, because I'm in the same boat. I've made decisions, I've made decisions, and irregrettable decisions, and I am my own worse enemy.

I deceive myself. And if you're like me, there's this sales associate in your head. And it sounds a lot like me. And it tries to convince me to do things. It convinces me and tries to throw logic, even though the logic's flawed.

And the sales pitch is amateur at best. I fall into it anyway. I make decisions that aren't really that good. Why is that? Why are we like this?

And what's wrong with us, okay? And that's the point of this message this week and the point of this series. And the big idea of this series, just to kind of recap on what we talked about last week, is the big idea of this series is the often overlooked relationship between good questions and good decisions, okay? Good questions and good decisions. Good questions set us up for good decisions, and our decisions are no better than the questions we ask or we don't think to ask.

So I'm convinced that if you ask a certain amount of questions, that if you ask, ask honestly, and act on those decisions, that you can have a better future. You can have a preferred future ahead of you if you answer these five questions that we're going to be hitting on over the next five weeks. And your life will be better, and the people around you will be better, the people that you connect with will be better, because here's the deal. We aren't the only people that are affected by our decisions, right? We aren't the only people impacted by our decisions.

Other people are impacted by your decisions. And if you're a mother or a father or a grandmother or a grandfather, you want to teach your kids, you want to teach your grandchildren how to make better decisions. You can pass this on from generation to generation, because we aren't the only people that are affected by our decisions. Last time I suggested you memorize a verse of Scripture. We ended with a verse of Scripture.

And the reason for this assignment is that this simple saying reminds us to consider what's coming, not just what's in front of us, okay? The ultimate, not just the immediate. And it says this in Proverbs 27, 12, The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty. Some versions say they suffer for it. The prudent are those who are wise and look ahead and connect the dots and they see the future before they make decisions.

What is this decision now going to mean for the future? But the simple, although they may be smart people, they just don't listen to themselves and they act right away. And they face the consequences of the decisions, the abrupt decisions, the reactive decisions that they make at the immediate time. So these five questions we're discussing in this series will bring you in the conflict with that sales person, that person that speaks to you, that sales person in your head. And rather than going with the immediate, you're going to look at the ultimate, the end goal, way ahead.

You want a preferred future. So this verse reminds us of that. The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty. So I want to introduce question one for you, and I want to go back to that very first statement that I just made. The easiest person to deceive is the person in the mirror, which means the most difficult person to lead is the person in the mirror.

The most difficult person to lead is you because you're the most deceiving. You lie the most about yourself and to yourself. And you ever tried to lead a liar? It doesn't work. It's impossible.

In fact, you fire the liar, right? If you're in a corporation, you're going to fire somebody that lies all the time. So I'm asking you today to fire the liar, okay? You're going to fire the liar and hire the honest you, okay? And I want you to hire the honest you, and we're going to make a change and put ourselves in a direction we want to go.

So today I'm challenging you to do that. Now you know from experience that dishonesty erodes credibility, right? And similarly, when we're dishonest with ourself, it erodes credibility within ourselves, okay? We actually erode the credibility within ourselves. And I know that sounds strange, but think about it.

When we lie out loud, what do we do? What do we immediately do inside ourselves and in our heads? We justify the reason we are lying to ourselves. We justify it. And it's something sane people can't maintain for very long, this lie about themselves.

So what do we do? We create a narrative that justifies what we feel about ourselves or what we're doing, the choices we make. So we create a narrative that justifies a lie. It gives it half-truths and the skin of the truth, and we put together this narrative that really isn't real. It's crazy, but we do it all the time.

But why do we believe a narrative we basically just made up? And here's the reason, and this is the non-clinical, non-technical answer for this. You're a sucker for you. You're a sucker for you. You are really a sucker for you.

You can convince yourself of most anything, right? And as our AA friends would say and our our NA friends would say, rigorous honesty is the first rule of recovery. You've got to be honest with yourself. Rigorous honesty is the first rule of recovery. Rigorous means extremely thorough, exhaustive, sometimes exhausting, and meticulous.

Rigorous honesty with ourselves and others is the first step to getting better, is the first step to aiming in the right direction. The first step to making progress in our lives and to make better decisions and avoid unnecessary regrets, you are going to have to tell yourself the truth. Tell yourself the truth even, let me just tell yourself the truth even if the truth makes you feel bad about yourself, okay? Now that doesn't, now what I'm saying next doesn't run in the grain of culture very well, okay? But I'm not here to be liked.

I'm here to speak truth, okay? And that's why I'm here. There are worse things than feeling bad about yourself. Did you know that? There are worse things than feeling bad about yourself.

Cultures say you should not feel bad about yourself, but sometimes you need to feel bad about yourself because there are worse things. Denying that something is bad about yourself or refusing to acknowledge is bad about yourself is even worse. Lying to yourself is worse than actually feeling bad about yourself, and you'll never get to where you need until you acknowledge where you are. You never will get to where you need to be until you acknowledge where you actually are. Besides, it doesn't, if you aren't honest about why you're choosing what you're choosing, you'll have a difficult time taking responsibility.

And you know what? When we don't take responsibility, we have a word for that. It's called irresponsible, right? We're irresponsible. Do you want to be irresponsible?

Because if you're dishonest with yourself when making decisions, we will be dishonest with ourselves about where we lay the blame for our decisions. Irresponsibility. Now the fact that everything I've said so far is pretty much obvious to many of you, it's not easy. It's not easy to make the right decisions. In fact, the first step may be to be honest with yourself about the fact that you're not honest with yourself, right?

That might be the hardest part, to convince yourself that you're not honest with yourself. And you have to develop the habit, develop the habit of telling the truth. You got to tell the truth to yourself. Specifically, you have to tell yourself the uncomfortable truth, the truth that might make you feel a little bit bad about yourself, which leads us to the first question of the five questions that we need to pause and ask ourselves when we make decisions. The integrity question.

We call this the integrity question. Am I being honest with myself because here's the deal. You may not owe it to anybody else to be honest with them, but you owe it to yourself to be honest with yourself about the decisions, the choices you make, and why you do those things that you don't really mean to do. If you want to justify your decisions or you don't want to justify your decisions to someone else, then fine. That's okay, I guess, but you owe it to yourself to be honest with yourself.

Because justifying, as I've heard it said, is just a lying. You're just a lying to yourself. Justifying is just a lying to yourself. So just tell yourself the truth, okay? It helps to ask questions out, ask the question out loud.

Am I honest with myself? And it helps to ask it twice, but on the second time around, you need to add this word at the end. Am I being honest with myself? Really? Am I being honest with myself?

Really? Let me just give you some examples. Why am I doing this? Really? Why am I avoiding him?

Really? Why am I postponing that? Really? Why do I keep making excuses? Really?

Why do I say yes? Really? Why do I choose to wear this? Really? Why do I choose to purchase or lease this?

Really? Why did I move in? Really? Why did I move out? Really?

Why won't I get help? Really? And you may not be a good salesperson in anything else, but you are a class A salesperson when it comes to you because you can convince yourself of anything. And our greatest regret are associated with things, opportunities, and people we've sold ourselves on, okay? For instance, think back to the last bad relationship you had.

You knew it wasn't right. You were in love, you were in lust, pastor. You were in. some. Right?

But you made a decision. Your mom told you, your best friend told you, everybody told you, this is not a good idea, but you assured them you knew what you were doing, right? And then when the relationship failed, you were like, what was I thinking? Right? What was I thinking?

What did I do? What was I thinking? The fact is you weren't thinking. You were selling. You were selling yourself.

You convinced yourself that you needed this. And the same is true for bad purchase decisions. You know, you see something and the salesman in your head begins to make, oh, you can get this right now. You can do this. And if you don't want to keep it, you can always donate it or whatever.

And you wouldn't make a purchase like that if you walked into a car showroom and somebody told you, well, your wife doesn't have to know. Your husband doesn't have to know. You don't have the money for it, but that's okay. What would you do if the salesperson, you would walk out, right? We do that.

Why do we sell ourselves? Why do we do that? As soon as you start selling you on anything, you should hit pause for a minute. You should hit pause. And we rarely have to sell ourselves to a good idea, right?

When an idea is good, we rarely have to sell ourselves. And when it comes to good ideas, we usually just know, don't we? I mean, we know that they're good ideas. So let's stop all of that and just tell yourself the unfiltered truth. Be honest with yourself, really.

Okay? Be honest with yourself, really. It won't hurt. Well, it might hurt your feelings a little bit, but it won't hurt you. In fact, a light will come on if you begin to tell yourself the truth.

And light can be terrifying, right? Ask rats and cockroaches, you know? That's a natural disinfectant. And in the same way, light is a disinfectant. Truth is as well.

And they go hand in hand. So truth illuminates light and helps you make better decisions. So bring your narrative, your justifications, your excuse to the light, and you'll be better because of it. You will make better decisions and perhaps have fewer regrets. Now, if all things were equal and if we were wired to decide what's right, you know, we are wired to make good decisions based on a good investment or whatever it might be, then that's easy.

Okay, we're ready to go home right now, right? I mean, this makes sense, pastor. We're wired to do that. But all things aren't equal, okay? And as it turns out, choosing what's best isn't what's natural.

It isn't natural. You're built to be able to decide what's best, but it's not natural for us. In fact, naturalists and materialists have an explanation of why this is the case. And Christians have another explanation of why this is the case. But pretty much everybody agrees we come into this world with the natural propensity of selling ourselves on what we want to do rather than what we ought to do.

What we want to do rather than what we ought to do. This isn't a recent observation. If you're familiar with a 17th century philosopher, Francis Bacon, he says it like this. And if you'll follow along with me, the human understanding, when it has once adopted an opinion, draws all things else to support and agree with it. And though there are a greater number and weight of instances to be found on the other side, right, that it makes more sense to make the right decision because all that lines against the decision that you really want to make or you want to make.

He says this, yet these it either neglects or despises or else by some distinction sets aside and rejects. Now, this is just a classical 17th century philosophy way of saying or calling this confirmation bias, okay? Confirmation bias, we naturally open ourselves up to anything that confirms that we already think or desire, to what we already think or desire, and we instinctively set aside or reject anything to the contrary. So we confirm what we already have decided in our hearts to do, right? We just naturally do that.

Think back to your last bad relationship, kind of going back to that point. It wasn't that you wouldn't listen. You just couldn't listen. You couldn't listen. And you think back to that recent bad person.

It's so clear now, you know, that I'm affirming and confirming based on what my heart and what I already had decided to do, although maybe on the other side of it, it makes more sense. And the best decision is not to go that direction. But in the moment, Francis Bacon's right, right? The human understanding, when it has adopted an opinion, draws all things to support and agree with it. Just anything it possibly can, although there's a greater number on the other side of weight of instance to be found on the other side, yet we either neglect or despise or else by some distinction set aside and reject.

Almost 2,500 years before Francis Bacon, a Judean court advisor in the Old Testament made a similar observation, but actually offered an explanation. Francis gave us an observation, it's a nice observation, but gave us no explanation for it. But this guy named Jeremiah gave us an explanation for it. Here's the back story. Around 600 B.

C., Jeremiah, author of the Old Testament book of Jeremiah, served as a professional coach or advisor to the courts during that day, to kings in Judah that day. And of course, things would have gone a lot smoother for these kings. If they had just listened to the wise advice of Jeremiah, of course, the advantage of being a king is that you don't have to listen to wise advice. And Jeremiah began coaching at a very young age, and the first king he began to advise was King Jehoiakim.

King Jehoiakim, at the time, Judah was paying an annual financial tribute to Babylon, to King Nebuchadnezzar. And one day, King Jehoiakim decides, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm not going to pay this tribute anymore to Nebuchadnezzar. I don't want to do this anymore. So he quits paying, he changes his banks, and he begins to work with Egypt.

And this was probably a no-no, because they had just gotten out of a war, a battle with Egypt. And Egypt won that battle. So Nebuchadnezzar was already a little beefed with Egypt. Okay? And Jeremiah heard about this decision.

He began to advise King Jehoiakim about this and said, this is a bad idea. This is actually an idea that may be dangerous as well. But the mighty king Nebuchadnezzar was already in a foul mood, you know, so why would you want to do this? Why would you want to begin to stir up trouble? But not only did Jehoiakim's decision become foolish and dangerous, Jeremiah assured him that this decision was in direct opposition to God's will as well.

Because Jeremiah was a prophet, he heard the will of God, and that didn't mean a lot to Jehoiakim. It didn't mean a lot to him, because besides, he had long abandoned the laws of Judaism. He was a tyrant. His sexual appetite led him to things far outside the moral prohibition outlined by the Jewish law. So he ignored Jeremiah.

And sure enough, King Nebuchadnezzar did exactly what Jeremiah predicted he would do. He came looking for his tribute. He seized the city of Jerusalem for three months. Then his armies entered the city, and he came in, took Jehoiakim in chains, and marched him back to Jerusalem and added him to his king collection. Yes, Nebuchadnezzar had a king collection.

He collected kings. Some people collect coins, but Nebuchadnezzar collected what? Kings. He came. And on special occasions, what he would do is he would proudly show off his kings by having them walk out single file in a line with their hands on the shoulders of the king in front of them and parade them through rooms and parade them through streets just to show how powerful he was.

And the reason they had to put their hands on the front on the shoulder of the king in front of them because not only did he collect kings, he plucked out their eyes. So back to the story. Before leaving Jerusalem, King Nebuchadnezzar crowned Jehoiakim son, Jehoiachin. Yeah, I know it's Jehoiakim, Jehoiachin king. He was 18 years old.

And after three months, Nebuchadnezzar decided, you know what, I'm going to make him a part of my king collection too. Goes back to Jerusalem, takes him in, puts him in his king collection. And then Nebuchadnezzar appoints Zedekiah, King Zedekiah, the uncle of Jehoiachin, as king. After all, every kingdom needs a king. And Nebuchadnezzar put it in place to be king.

And he was 21 years old. 21 years old, okay? Very, very young king. Young king. What young king Hezekiah, or Zedekiah rather, didn't know is what, and what nobody knew in that time, he would be the last king of Judah.

He would be the last king of Judah. Because like the kings before him, he wanted to do what he wanted to do. What he felt like his heart was drawing him to do. And he decided not to pay tribute to Nebuchadnezzar as well. In fact, 2 Chronicles 36, 12 says, he did evil in the eyes of the Lord his God, and did not humble himself before Jeremiah the prophet.

He didn't listen to the advice of Jeremiah. He did exactly what the other kings did. He refused to pay tribute. And Jeremiah pleaded with him, do not do this. Change your mind.

I'm telling you, this is not a good thing. You've seen the kings beforehand. Please. But kings will be kings. They will do what they want to do.

And if you're your own king, you will make decisions to be on your own. When Jeremiah realized that he was going to make this choice, he began to parade the streets and preach and tell people, beware, beware. And Zedekiah, when he heard about this, he had Jeremiah captured, put in a dry cistern, and he's scaring the kids. He's scaring the people, but rightfully so, because sure enough, here comes Nebuchadnezzar. He comes and he surrounds the city.

And when Zedekiah senses this and sees this happening, he becomes fearful. And he runs and he takes Jeremiah and says, hey, ask God, ask God to forgive us. Get us out of here. Get us away. I've made a mistake in the eyes of the Lord.

And Jeremiah's response, it's too late. God's will is done. He's already solidified what is to happen. The best thing for you to do is run to the gates, open up the doors of the gate, and just beg and plead that Nebuchadnezzar will spare your life. So instead of doing that, Zedekiah decides that's not going to happen anyway.

This is King Nebuchadnezzar we're talking about. I'm getting ready to be out. So he decides to sneak off in the night with his children and bodyguards. Yet another bad decision. And sure enough, King Nebuchadnezzar and his army catches him.

And right there, Zedekiah had to watch every one of his children butchered before his eyes were plucked out. The last thing he saw was that very visual. All because he did what was right in his heart. And Jeremiah gives us a little explanation for this. He says this in Jeremiah 17 9, the heart is deceitful above all things.

The heart, many of you use the statement, my heart feels, my heart wants, my heart needs. But here's what Jeremiah learned as he watched this whole thing unfold before his eyes. The heart is deceitful above all things. Your heart, my heart, his heart, her heart, our hearts are deceitful. And Jeremiah chose this adjective carefully because there's a difference between being dishonest and being deceitful.

Because dishonest, you're just dishonest. It's out there. You know it. They're dishonest. But deceitful, deceitful usually includes a mix of truths and half-truths and skins of the truth.

And deceitful is difficult to detect. Deceitful is difficult to detect. You've met dishonest people before that were just dishonest, right? And it was easy. They weren't shrewd.

They just were dishonest. And you could write them off easy. It was too obvious. But deceitful people, they're the dangerous ones. And our hearts are deceitful and dangerous.

It's why we're so convinced, at times so convincing, we don't merely lie to ourselves. We deceive ourselves, right? And here's how it works. Our hearts get wrapped around something, you know, or a response to something or someone. And our hearts send this message to our brains that says, hey, brain, I want this.

Right? Go figure out how to get that for me. But our brains are smart. That's why they're called brains. They're smart.

And our brains know that whereas it's difficult to justify a want, it's not so difficult to justify a need. So it upgrades that response. It upgrades that idea from a want to a need. And once you're convinced you need something, it's easy to sell yourself on it. Before long, you have this list of justifications of why I should buy it, drink it, staying or leaving or lying or asking it out or inviting it in.

It's a justification. But the reason we use to sell ourselves aren't really reasons. They're justifications. And we're so easily deceived by our hearts. But Jeremiah doesn't stop there.

He says, the heart is deceitful above all things. And then he adds this statement, and beyond cure. And that's a powerful statement there, because what he's saying is that there is no cure. That this is a permanent condition. Our heart is in a permanent condition.

And it's a condition that we won't outgrow. We won't mature into. It's something that we, it's a permanent condition that we always have to watch. We have to always guard our hearts and put parameters in place. We need constant supervision and proactive response.

Then Jeremiah wraps up the statement like this. The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? Who can understand the heart? That's a good question.

I certainly can't. I can't understand my own heart. I'm studying this, and I still can't figure out why I do the things that I don't want to do. Why I make the decisions that I don't really want to make, or I know better to make. I don't understand why I decide what I decide.

Or I don't understand why I choose what I choose. It's why the person in the mirror is so hard to lead. And so, so they won't tell you the truth unless you force them to. So here's what you got to do. You've got to look yourself in the eye.

You've got to pin yourself down. You've got to talk to yourself. And you've got to say this, are you being honest with yourself really? Are you being honest with yourself really? And the sooner you embrace this fact about yourself, the sooner you'll be open to information, advice that conflicts with what your heart, or where your heart is taking you, and the suspicion and cautious you'll be when the salesperson in your head starts convincing you.

So this week, I want to encourage you to have a heart to heart with yourself. Have a heart to heart with yourself and look at yourself in the mirror and ask, say, say, Leon, are you being honest with yourself really? Are you being honest with yourself really? Then tell yourself the truth, even if you don't have plan, a plan of what to do from there and how to act on it. Even if you don't have that, your first goal is just to be honest with yourself when you're making a decision because you owe it to yourself to be honest with yourself.

And you owe it to yourself, which can ultimately point you in the direction. You need to go so that you can have a preferred future. Begin with being honest. It won't hurt you to know, okay? But it will hurt you if you lie to yourself.

It will hurt you if you live in a lie. So be honest with yourself because most people aren't. Don't be most people. Be different people. Be better people.

Be life-changing, culture-shifting people. Because the decisions you make today affect tomorrow. They affect the people around you. And it's not all about you. So I would love to challenge you to decide today, I will not lie to myself even when the truth makes me feel bad about myself.

Am I telling myself the truth or selling myself a regret? Am I telling myself the truth or am I selling myself what will eventually be a regret? Am I being honest with myself really? So as we wrap it up, let me just give you some practical things. These are just some questions and maybe these apply to you.

Maybe they don't apply to you. Maybe you can take the time to ask your own questions. But here's just a few. Why do you continue to go out with him or her? Really?

Why did you file for divorce? Really? Why are you taking that job? Really? Why are you taking or quitting your job?

Really? Why did you move in? Really? Why did you wear that or do that? Really?

Really? What's the real reason you don't call your mom or your dad? What's the real reason you don't call your brother or sister? Really? Really?

Why won't you tell her or tell him the truth about what's going on? Really? Really? Really? It's brutal, isn't it?

When you start asking that really question, it's tough because it's unnatural and it's terrifying, but it's clarifying and ultimately it's liberating and it's empowering. It empowers you. So be honest with yourself. It doesn't come natural as Jeremiah says. And most things that are good in life, most things that are good don't come easy.

They're tough. They're hard. And Jeremiah was right when he said the heart is deceitful beyond all things and beyond cure who can understand it. But now you know and you can do something about it, right? Now you know.

And when the prudency danger and see something coming, they take refuge, they put up a question, they take a pause, they think about it, and they really ask the really question, am I being honest with myself if I make this decision? I will not lie to myself even when the truth makes me feel bad about myself. And I will tell myself the truth, really. I will tell myself the truth, really. I want to leave you with a few questions as we continue this discussion.

There's a few discussion questions. We'll have this up on our website that you can dig in with your small groups and the people around you or just on your quiet time or as you're praying and fasting. Just go through these questions so that we can continue to interact with this series. If a salesperson in a retail store establishment said to you the kinds of things you say to yourself when selling yourself, how would you respond? Okay?

Number two, where do you struggle the most telling yourself the truth? And what are your go-to justifications? And then thirdly, Jesus said, knowing the truth will set you free, as John 8, 32 says. But acknowledging what's true can be terrifying. It is possible that fear of what you discover about yourself by being honest with yourself is an obstacle to the freedom you desire and the freedom your Heavenly Father wants for you.

All legitimate questions. Ask yourself those questions as you go about your week. Let's pray. Father, thank you for your word that it's so practical and that the questions we ask in everyday life, the decisions we make, it's right there in your word. It tells us what we should do and what we shouldn't do.

It gives us understanding of our hearts. It gives us understanding of our minds. And you give us a game plan. So today we can do something. We don't just have to accept that this is the way we're just always going to be and we're always going to make wrong decisions because there is a way out.

So today, God, thank you for your word. I pray that everybody here would experience your life-giving purpose and your life-giving touch in their life as they make decisions to prepare them for the future. I pray that we have amazing stories come out of this church, come out of this place, come out of this people by virtue of making good decisions and having fewer regrets. And God's in the same thought as the Holy Spirit is here working. Some people, the greatest decision and the greatest regret we can make, the greatest decision, which will ultimately be no regret, actually, is knowing Jesus Christ as our Savior.

And maybe somebody here today, you realize that it's time. God's been speaking to your heart, speaking to you, God. God's been speaking to you, God. The Holy Spirit has just been pulling you towards Him. So today, if you would make a confession to Him, this Bible says, He who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.

Jesus says, I knock on the door of your heart and anyone hears my voice and opens their heart up to Him. The heart is deceitful, but Jesus comes in and makes us new creatures. That's the greatest decision you'll ever make. No regrets. So if you'll just say this with me, speak this with me, believe it in your heart and confess it with your mouth today.

Just pray this with me all over church. Let's just pray together. Father, I'm a sinner. I've fallen short of your glory, but I believe that you sent your Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for my sin and I receive your blood today. God, I invite you into my heart.

Jesus, I invite you in my heart. Cover me with your blood. Make me new today. I am changed forever. I surrender my life to you.

I no longer walk away from you and I'm walking with you and I'm walking towards you and I'm walking into new life today. In your name.