Why God Made Marriage

There you go. So good to be with you today. By the way, those of you who are online with us today, we're so glad you're here with us. So sad you can't be with us today. I'm sure you're preparing for your Super Bowl parties and stuff like that, but glad you're able to be with us.

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So football and Valentine's. Football and Valentine's. What did those have to do with each other? Absolutely nothing, probably. Right.

When we think of Valentine's, we think of romance and candlelights and things like that, you know. And then when you think of football, what do you think of? Like, allow people. Traumatic brain injury? Yeah.

Hitting each other, guys hitting each other out on the field, beer and pretzels and chips and burping and all that other stuff. That's not Valentine's and it couldn't be any different. And so I thought I would be creative and football and Valentine's, just kind of put those together because it's kind of like men and women. We're just completely, completely different, but we're made for each other as well. And, and it's always interesting how Super Bowl and Valentine's are so close together.

It's like, did, did, did God do that on purpose with us, you know, so that we can, we can, yeah, yeah. By the way, we have, as you leave today, grab yourself a donut, grab yourself some wings. We got some wings and donuts today. We thought that would kind of, you know, that donuts and wings, did they go together? Absolutely.

Okay. Absolutely. I was about to say wings and donuts. My life is complete. Savory and sweet together.

That's what I'm talking about. Okay. But we are, we are talking about, we want to take an opportunity, step away from our current series, Planted, and talk a little bit about marriage today and how, how we need each other and how God created us, you know, why, why did he create marriage in the first place? I mean, he could have done any other thing with us, right? He could have used something else, some other form.

I mean, he is God, right? But for some reason, he decided that marriage was it. Marriage was, was what is, is important. And what we know about marriage, the institution of marriage is more important than any church institution. Did you know that?

Because like, I'm sorry, I love the Esp Espiritu. But it has been extraordinary. And we understand all of that. So we got to call it. So we are not gonna tell you why.

We don't know what Because if there's not healthy families, you don't have a healthy church. It's more important than a government institution because if you don't have healthy families, you don't have good government. It's more important than finance. You don't have a good financial structure if you don't have healthy families and healthy marriages. And we can go on and on and on, and what we find is that goes marriage, goes the family, goes society.

And we see that over and over again throughout history, God shows us marriage. Throughout the Bible, God shows us that marriage is important. In fact, He saw His relationship with Israel like marriage. He saw, Jesus saw His bride, the church, as a marriage. It's a marriage with Him.

In fact, you know, us gathering today, we are His bride. He is here. He is the groom. We are the bride. And there's a marriage relationship happening.

So throughout the Bible, we cannot escape marriage. Marriage is super important. God loves marriage. And marriage is for Him. Did you know that?

It's more for Him than it is for you. I mean, well, marriage is about me and what I get and God created it for me. No, no. He actually created it for Him. We've just made it about us.

And that's why marriage don't work because we've made it all about us. In fact, did you know that God created sexuality for Him? Oh, no. That was for us. Well, it's a good thing that He made it enjoyable.

I mean, He did do that. But God made sexuality for Him because the only thing God gets out of creation is a family. That's right. When He created sexuality, He created the opportunity to have a family. So family, we have family through sexuality.

And if you love marriage, if God loves marriage, okay, just straight up, God absolutely adores and loves marriage. And we should love marriage, too, because I want to love the things that God loves. That's right. Amen. Are you with me here?

We need to be people who just love marriage, who love this idea of marriage. And I want the things of God. And here's the thing. If you love marriage, God will bless your marriage. If you love marriage, if you love doing it God's way, God will bless your future relationships if you're single today.

God does that. And you have a 100% chance of being successful in your marriage when you do it God's way. Did you know that? You have a 100% success rate. 100%.

It can work if you put it within God's terms and God's way. So we're going to look at a scripture here. If you're with us, if you've got your Bibles, Genesis 1, beginning with verse 26, 26 through 28. Most of us are familiar with this passage. Would you like to read this for us, Miranda?

I can actually read it from where it was. Okay. I have my contacts in. Okay. It was very kind of you, though, to want to help out your bride.

That was on purpose. Maybe. Maybe. Thank you. Just a little bit closer.

Just like a couple. Okay, now I can see it. Then God said, Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals and over all the creatures that move along the ground. So God created mankind in His own image. In the image of God, He created them, male and female, so He created them.

Then God blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful and increase in number. Fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground. So there we have it. And notice how over and over again He says, Let us make mankind in our image, our image, significant.

That's significant there. So here He gives an overview of creation. In chapter 2, some of you probably read Genesis and you're like, Why is it repeating itself in chapter 2 and chapter 1? What's going on here? So chapter 1 is an overview.

It's a quick kind of outline of what God did. And then chapter 2 is a detailed look how He did it, how He did it, how He made man, why He made woman, and Adam putting all the animals' names together and doing all of that. So we have that going on. So we can look at these scriptures and learn a lot about marriage, what marriage really is. If I could just butt in for two seconds, I always like to just think about this point in the creation narrative too, that until He creates man and woman, God speaks everything into existence by saying, Just let there be.

Let there be X, Y, and Z. And He pronounces that it was good. And it's not until He gets to the creation of men and women that He stops and He confers with the full Trinity. All before that, it was just God, you know, speaking things into creation. But it's not until He gets to man and woman where He sits down with the full triune, you know, the Trinity, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Jesus was there too, and gets together and says, Let's stop and let's make this something special.

I just feel like that's a really beautiful and unique aspect of the creation story. Absolutely. And let us make man in our image. Our is a very important word there because here, Elohim, which is the Hebrew word, Him is the masculine plural, which means that it was us. It wasn't I.

It was us. A few weeks ago, we talked about the nature of God, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We see in God's very nature this relationship, this family. And what He wants to do, number one, here's a point, He desires to replicate God's nature and image on earth through marriage. Why did He create marriage?

Why did He create marriage? To replicate God's nature and image on earth through marriage. Pop that up, Lydia. And so, God's nature and image on earth. Here's how it looks.

We understand, you know, the Godhead. We got the Godhead. Three in one. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Three in one.

But if it's just me, okay, so we have the three persons over here, right? And if we just have one man over here, it doesn't look anything like God, does it? But then you add the woman in, and then it's almost there, but it's not quite there. But you add God in the middle of that, what do you see? You see the husband who is to represent Christ, to be Christ.

In fact, the Bible even calls us to love our wives as Christ loved the church, right? We are to love our families as Christ loved the church. And then you have the woman who represents the Holy Spirit. And then you have the Father who is in the middle of that. So what does it do?

It basically replicates, he's reflecting his image on this earth. He's bringing his image to this earth. And when we see marriage, we see God. And guess what? When God sees marriage, he sees himself in us.

But also Satan sees God as well, and he doesn't like it. And that's why marriage is always under attack. Satan, God sees marriage this way, and Satan sees marriage this way too, and he didn't like it. And before, the first time he begins to lay his paws on Adam and Eve is in the marriage situation, right? When God created Eve, and they were together in the garden, what happens?

Satan enters the picture. In Genesis 3, we see him try to destroy marriage, because Satan hates it. Marriage is a threat to the kingdom of Satan. It's a threat to the kingdom of darkness. If there are healthy marriages, if we have healthy, conservative, biblical marriages that we stand upon, it will ruin the plan, because he's strategic.

Satan's strategic. He knows where to hit us. He knows where to cause trouble. And he'll do it. And he chose marriage.

And everything good is built on the foundation of a healthy marriage. So this is one of my favorite things to do in life, is to dispel the myth that God, or the Bible, or just Christianity in general, denigrates women, or puts women down, or we're somehow less, or we're somehow inferior. Because I love how God, from the very first, from right at the beginning of Genesis, he creates such a powerful, powerful thing by making women the image bearers of the Holy Spirit in particular. Because he says, I'm going to send to Adam, what? What does he say?

A helper. A helper to compliment him. That is an absolute mirror of what Jesus says in John 14, when he says, I'm going to leave, but I'm going to send my helper. I'm going to send the helper, the advocate, to be with you. You have to have that help.

Helper, you have to have that advocate or you are not complete. And that is absolutely what God was putting and clothing women with from the beginning of time. And he repeats it multiple times throughout the Bible. And what's more, he says, I'm going to send that helper, that advocate, to be the bringer of truth. The person who will call to mind to your husband and to your entire family the true things in the Word of God.

That is such a powerful, powerful mission. We are not just, we're not trophies. We're not just there to cook the food or to do the laundry. We're there to call to mind the things of God, to be a divining rod, to be a helper and an advocate on the part of our husbands, the image bearers of Christ before God the Father. And so you tell me that God does not think highly of ladies, right?

That's right. He does. He does. He does. In fact, that leads us to our second point, which is kind of a sub point to the first point to complete men and women by experiencing companionship.

I mean, he completes us. We're lost without the other. Women can't do it alone. Men can't do it alone. We are put together.

It was God's plan to eliminate loneliness. That we would be lonely people without each other, right? So he created a relationship. As he is a relational God, he created relationships. In fact, in Genesis 2.

18, it says the Lord God said, it is not good for man to be alone. It's not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. So it's not good for man to be alone. But let me backtrack for a second because we have people that are single here.

And perhaps you're wondering whether you're called to be single because there are people called to be single, correct? I mean, I think people who are called to be single have a very special dispensation from the Lord. And I think that we need to be very careful as the church and as Christians not to idolize marriage just in and of itself as a thing, not just marriage for the sake of being married, because God actually, uniquely equips and gifts people all throughout scripture to be single, to be single, to do great things, to do mighty things of God. In fact, I mean, we have some of the apostles and the disciples basically saying, look, I can do more when I'm single. There's more stuff I can even do here.

And that's big. That's big. But I do think he specifically calls you to that. And I would just say that this, it's a little bit difficult because I think in our culture today, we've got, because of, you know, all of the digital literacy that we have in the globalization and we're connected, quote unquote, can you see my scare quotes? You know, through social media, you know, through social media, but we're actually more divided than ever.

And we're actually enabled to be more isolated than ever. So I would just, you know, advise against almost kind of leaning into that isolation and thinking, oh, just, you know, just me and sitting in my house and I never have to leave. Because even if you're single, God absolutely called you to be in community. And he called you to be with other people and to give your gifts and your talents of companionship to other people in the body of Christ. So I would say, you know, don't just get alone in your own thoughts.

You know, even if you are single, as God has called you. To singleness, get out there and still be part of the family of God. Yeah, yeah. So that's why it's so important even to gather here today as we spoke. Like the church is a representation or a replicate even of just as marriage is a replicate, the church is a replicate of God's nature.

So when we gather together, you can't do Christianity alone. You know, you go out and I promise you, you will not make it. You have to be in community with people. So if you're single, if you're married, it doesn't matter. You've got to be in community with people.

That's the way God designed us. And that's the way God designed marriage as well. Now, as far as whether you're called to be single or not, I heard Rick Warren share one time, how do you know that you're called to be single? Although it's, you know, for a lot of people it might be a rare thing, but for some of you, you're called to be single. He said, well, those who are called to be married, you have a longing in your heart to be married.

Right. Because we're naturally, we have a longing in our heart not to be alone. But for some of you, maybe that's not an issue. You know, you just feel very content in yourself. That's right.

And maybe there is somebody for you in the future, but you just don't feel like it's a need. Maybe, perhaps, you are called to be single. And for those of you who do long to be with somebody in the future, your singlehood, enjoy the season you're in to be single because God has called you in this season to be single. That's right. Whether you're young and single, whether you're older and single, whether maybe you went through a tremendous divorce in your life or went through some relationship situations and you just chose to be single for a little while, or you're taking pause and taking a few years, this is a season that you're called to be single.

So be single and enjoy your singlehood. Enjoy Jesus in this time because there's things that you can do in your singlehood that you can't do in your marriagehood. And God has you there in this particular season. There's things I think about even when I was single that I missed out on being able to do that was probably good for God and His church and stuff. And sometimes I think about that, you know.

Wow, I missed out on that. But you are there. So, you know, hold on to that. That's something good. That's something good that God has for you.

We all have seasons in life. But God did not call us to be alone. We all have a desire in our hearts to be with somebody. In fact, there's a sociologist that from 1947 there was a report done. And it was the signs of an atomistic state, the downfall of a state.

There are seven things that happen that break a state within. So he's done lots of studies, like seven major empires. He studied their fall and over 5,000 different secondary empires and secondary societies or whatever. And he did a study on this. And every nation becomes great on conservative biblical values is what he comes to the conclusion of.

A strong point. A strong point. Families and strong marriages are built. Institutions are built. Strong institutions, strong governments, strong societies are built on those.

But what he noticed as he studied that all of them went through these seven things. These seven things happened in order to corrupt or corrode or disintegrate a society, a healthy society. These seven things happened. Miranda, why don't you read some of those things for us? So the first is that marriage loses its sacredness as it is frequently broken by divorce.

I think that one's big because we've kind of changed how we look at marriage and we look at it more as a contract. And because there are provisions in which you can kind of break a contract, it becomes more disposable instead of looking at it as a covenant. Because if you look at it like the relationship between Christ and his church and between God and his people, that was something that was definitely meant to be permanent. God is not a man that he should change, right? He's not going to leave us or forsake us or abandon us or break that salvation experience.

So when we stop looking at it that way and it loses the sacredness and it just becomes this what's in it for me kind of contract between two people instead of what's in it for God. It loses its sacredness and then divorce just becomes more common and just kind of accepted. So then it's just, you know, marriage becomes disposable. Right. I would say also then the traditional meaning of marriage is lost.

That's number two. Yeah, I kind of included that in number one. And then number three, this one definitely speaks to my heart. The feminist movement abounds and women lose their inclination for childbearing. Now, there's a lot to unpack here and we could not possibly unpack it all in just a few minutes on a Sunday.

However, I would say I love my female relationships. I love all my female friends. They're so, so important, especially in a culture that kind of over idolizes sexual relationships and romantic ones. Having strong friendships man to man and woman to woman are so, so important. But I do think we have to be careful about falling into that, that kind of almost like worship of the feminine or of, you know, almost like goddess worship.

I think what you've got is a lot of women who have been hurt and don't feel secure and don't feel like they can rely on the men the way they should be able to. Right. And you've got a lot of women who have been forced to do it on their own. And instead of saying, okay, this is not God's ideal, but I know that he's going to come in and help me in this, they kind of decide, well, I'm just going to rely on myself. And then I'm going to kind of worship myself.

And then you start to worship the creation, the feminine, instead of the creator, who created that femininity in you. And marriage, yeah. You know, and so it's love being a woman, and I love being feminine. I don't worship the feminine. I worship God the Father, and that's it.

So women can have careers, women have identities, you know, things like that. But really, God created marriage to make women feel secure so that they can have children because that's what increases the population. I mean, you know there's a decrease in populations in places like Japan, Italy, Germany, the Netherlands because people are not having children anymore because the families are being disintegrated like the traditional family. And marriage makes women feel secure and men support the woman and they raise the child together so it's really important. Marriage gives security to the woman.

Number four, there is an increased public disrespect for parents. We see that, right? Number five, there's an increase in juvenile delinquency, promiscuity and rebellion. Number six, there's a hostility of pseudo-intellectuals to the traditional family soon spreads to the common people sealing the doom of society. Pseudo-intellectuals being those that are enlightened and think they're smart, but they're not really.

There's a lot of people out there like that. And number seven, there is an increased acceptance of adultery and sexual perversion. So in every society, what he noticed in every society, Zimmerman noticed, is that these seven things are components to a deteriorating society. How many would you say we're kind of there? We're dealing with every one of these things.

But America's not doomed because we have God. And if we as a church stand up for traditional marriage, we have hope. We have hope, right? That's why we do things like this to help us understand, yeah, you can clap. We need to believe in marriage.

We need to support marriage. We need to back up traditional family marriage values, family values, biblical marriage. Number two, the second thing about marriage that we see from Scripture, or number three, my bad, number three. Well, one and two are one. Number three is to generationally perpetuate the nature of God and His kingdom.

So generationally to perpetuate His kingdom. His kingdom is being advanced by us having children and having a family value that shows these two things, sacrifice and commitment. Sacrifice. What is sacrifice? It means to cut a sacrificial permanent relationship that we don't just have a contract, we have a covenant.

There's a sacrifice that's being made. And unfortunately today, we are very selfish people. Human nature is very selfish. Marriage is not selfish. Marriage is sacrificial.

It has to be sacrificial. But unfortunately, we've made marriage about what I get out of it, not what the other person gets out of it. So when that sacrifice doesn't happen, then the commitment is broken. And commitment's another part of it. That we commit.

That the selflessness, service, cooperation, faithfulness, and generosity that we should have for the other person should be there. But what happens when something doesn't go our way or we're not getting what we want and we're not sacrificing? That's a good thing. So what do we do? Oh, let's just break it up.

Instead of a covenant, it's a contract. It's a contract. Well, I can be married for a month, I can be married for a year, I can be married for two years, maybe 20 years, but I'm done. Instead of just getting the proper help, I mean, we all go through stuff. Well, I think that the really hard truth that we have to get to and be willing to say and not have that just knee-jerk, you know, kind of tighten up and be like, no, I don't want to hear that, is that marriage is not meant to make us happy.

That's not its purpose. Its purpose is not our happiness. Its purpose is our holiness. It's to sanctify you and it's to make you holy because if we're supposed to be reflecting the image of God, God the Father gave his only son who was sinless to die on a cross for all of humanity. That's what we're trying to reflect here.

And, you know, it's not just a white picket fence and 2.5 kids and, you know, a husband has a great job and buys you lots of cars and, you know, big house and clothes and shoes, that stuff's nice. Not me. I praise the Lord. I have a man of integrity.

And I'm sure he'll get me a cool car one day, too. But marriage is designed to make you holy. And I think we can find so much joy in it and there's so much excitement. But if we, if we are not very realistic about that and if we are not very realistic about those just kind of, Tammy and I were chatting about this, just kind of the cushy, you know, emotional, hormonally driven, surface level stuff that's most of all, that's what the world thinks they're going to get out of it and you don't get into the real meat of it. First and foremost, all that just surface level romance is so shallow and what you get out of it is equally shallow.

And if you can get past that and dig into the stuff that's hard and then get out of that, you'll go, wow, the return on this investment is so much better than the return on the shallow surface stuff that Satan wanted me to think is all that that was there for. But you've got to push past that first and you've got to do the hard things first. You get married, you're basically saying, I'm ready to do hard things. But you're doing hard things together. You're holding hands.

You're doing it together. You're never alone. And here's the deal, too, guys. When children see the image of God on their parents, the parents love each other and love God, they'll love God, too. But if they see selfishness and lack of commitment, guess what?

They'll grow up to have that, too. They'll rebel. They won't respect authority because healthy children need parents who are willing to sacrifice. And what's happening today is children are being sacrificed on the altar of what parents want and what parents need. And I'm going to not, you know, this is more important than the child.

So it's very, very important for us to express to our children, not just express to our children, but through our very, the way we live, the way we interact, the way we love each other, the way we respect each other. This will bring our children up in the ways of the Lord. So we're. Which is God's purpose, is that we will have godly offspring, which is the fourth point here, to multiply God's human family with righteous offspring. Righteous offspring, Malachi 2.

15 says, has not the one God made you, you belong to Him in God, in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. See, God designed marriage for the protection of children. Did you know that?

That godly marriages protect children. When I see a divorce or when I see a breakup, the first thing I think about, I look at those children and I'm like, they're really feeling it. Because they don't understand, they're innocent at earlier ages, and even older children, they feel it too. But they're going through stuff when they experience a divorce. Because marriage, healthy marriage, healthy families are good for kids.

Marriage is best for kids. And when we devalue marriage, then the children are hurt by it. And that's what Satan wants to do. He wants to harm our children, right? And if he can destroy marriage, he can hurt our children.

The Heritage Foundation report is a think tank. They said this about kids. Kids raised in an intact family have a higher academic achievement, emotional health, fewer behavioral problems. Fathers of intact families spend on average more time with their children. Teens who frequently have dinner with their families are at lower risk of substance abuse.

Adolescents from intact families are less likely to become sexually active. Kids or children raised in intact families by happily married parents tend to be more religious in adulthood. Children raised in intact families are more likely to have stable and healthy romantic relationships as adults. That's right. Intact families are more likely to provide a safer home for children.

Married mothers tend to create a better home environment for their infants and less likely to experience abuse and violence. And married fathers are more likely to have better psychological well-being. So children need their parents. That's right. I just think about growing up, and I don't know if my mom and dad are watching, but they might be.

But I can tell you, I had that, right? I was very blessed with two parents who were always there and were always invested and took me to play practice or, you know, whatever sporting event we were doing. They were always there. They didn't just drop us off and leave. They stayed and they were invested and they were interested in what we were doing.

And it did not, let me tell you, it doesn't smother a child. They don't feel smothered when you love and you're invested in them. I'll tell you what it does do is it creates such a sense of confidence and self-worth and security that you are not looking elsewhere for that. When you are getting it from those happily married parents, you don't want it or need it from anywhere else. And that is, you cannot bless your children more.

And I think you can also, it's just a good reminder to us that just like we are not the center of the marriage, God is, the children are also not the center of this family. They are not the center of... Have you seen those parents that make their kids gods? Well, I mean, I think we all struggle with it, especially as moms. Yeah, it's really hard because you do love your children.

You love your kids. You want to give them what you need. But what they need is the security in knowing that you and your husband are on the same page and that their parents are a solid unit who follow the Lord, even when that means they're getting punished or they don't get that thing that they want or they get told no and they have to go to their room. But the children are born into a fully formed universe that's still run by God. They're just a piece of it.

But this is absolutely right. You know, having just present parents, they will feel so secure and that is what marriage is for. Right, right. It protects your children in every way. So the reason Satan attacks marriage is just the brief overview of what we talked about today because it looks like God.

He hates that and makes people act like God and he wants to break the heart of your children. And we need to fight for marriage. That's right. We need to stand up for marriage. We need not to sit back.

We need not to say, oh, it's just a secondary issue. It is the foundation of society. Now hear me at this. And we've watched every culture, every society, and we're watching it today happen. Even in America, if we don't stand up for marriage, who will?

Who will? Because we have the very source of life, Jesus Christ, who built everything on... God himself built everything on families. And if we've made mistakes, if things happen, it's okay. I think, God, that God is committed to us even when we weren't committed to our spouses, right?

He's still committed to us and he can fix the broken things in your life. He can heal those wounds that you have and he can restore you. And maybe you've been through a divorce. Maybe you're going through that second stage of whatever. Maybe you've been divorced three times, whatever it might be.

You know what? Make the right decision this next time, right? Do it God's way because it's 100% accurate if you do it God's way. I know, I know, I know it seems very weird to do it the way that God does it. And sometimes it's very simplistic in some ways, but very hard on the other.

But I can tell you, I've seen it over and over again. You do it God's way 100% of the time, it will work. But marriage isn't just another relationship. Marriage is the foundation of society and the institution that God loves. He loves marriage.

I love marriage. My hope is that you love marriage too. Do whatever you need to get. Get counseling, get, you know, whatever it takes. Be willing to sacrifice and commit and God will meet you there.

I've seen marriages that were just so far gone that you thought they would never, never work out. God can bring that back to wholeness. Amen. Amen. Okay.

All right. All right. So a lot of you have been waiting for this part of the service. We're going to open it up for questions. If anybody has any questions, we're going to do a little open mic time here.

They gave me a microphone. Do we have anybody that has a question out there? Don't be kidding. You're afraid? Come on, make me walk around?

I'm trying to get my steps. Sally Jessie Raphael style. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. All the way over, okay.

Some of you are like, Sally Jessie who? I was about to say, it's probably... Big red glasses. It's probably going over this young crowd. Okay, this is a question that has nothing honestly.

I'm asking for a friend, for real, asking for a friend. Sure. So in the world and what the world's accepting now with transgender, with every different type of lifestyle other than what God has set forth as a man, a woman, and a family. Where do you draw the line in a marriage when your spouse, whether male or female, has decided that they want to possibly move on and become something other than what they are as far as their sexuality? Where do you draw the line and how do you know when the Lord says you are released from this marriage?

It's specific as far as adultery and things like that, but when it comes to sexual orientation, where do you draw the line? Wow. I was hoping someone would ask if I was a natural blonde, but this is also, this is fine. Would you want to go first? Well, I think I can just kick things off.

I would say first and foremost, you know, people in those situations, I actually cannot imagine the pain that that would cause to somebody. I have just incredible, incredible sympathy. What that would feel like, I think, to the other person, the other spouse, to feel as if, you know, that your spouse no longer loves you or wants to be with you. I can't imagine the pain that that would create. I would say things are kind of different depending on whether you're in a relationship with a believing spouse or not.

That's probably the first thing that needs to come into play here because first and foremost, you should know that just because you're in a relationship with an unbeliever, God specifically says he will sanctify you and your family through your believing state and that you are still set apart and holy because of that. So I think the first thing we need to ask. In other words, you know, being, your spouse being an unbeliever is not a reason to divorce. Right. If you're already married and you come to faith in Christ, that part, yeah.

So I think that that's kind of an important, you know, thing here because you're going to deal with that situation, I think, differently. Right. But this is. But, you know, I think that, especially if you're the believer, I think God would have to very specifically call you to leave that marriage, you know. Well, I would say, are you referring to the person leaving the marriage?

Oh, maybe I should have asked that. Or the person wanting to leave the marriage because they feel they're something else, maybe they're, they feel more. When the marriage began, they were both believers. Okay. I don't know their hearts.

Right. But now it's to the point where the one person who is not trying to change themselves. Yeah, it's a transgender type of thing. So the person who's not trying, the one who is remaining as the Lord has made that person, and walking strong. So they're choosing to leave.

You're saying that the person that is a believer... They don't know if they are free to go. Are they free to go? Yes. Well, is the other person walking away from it?

The other person is the one thinking of changing their sexuality. So they don't know if they are free to say, Okay, I need to move on to find what the Lord has for me. I would say that you're still married and you made that commitment, even though you're not knowing this would be something in the future. It's definitely something that you do not... I don't think it's permissible to leave the person unless there's infidelity involved.

Now, you can't control that other person, what they do now, if they choose to go. If they choose to go, you can't do anything about that, what they're choosing. But I think it is an unbelieving situation more than it is... It does get pretty heavy, but you want to do everything you can. But I think there is a point where if that person says, I'm this...

And honestly, if they're dealing with transgender issues and stuff like that, they're probably not invested in the marriage anyway. They may not even have an attraction to the person anymore. And if they go so far to that side and they decide to leave or split apart or whatever, then the... And, you know, infidelity and all those things can come into play too in some of those relationships, you know. Which would be, you know, maybe there's emotional infidelity that's taking place over and over and over again to the point where you have to say, Okay, this isn't working.

But I would say it's still pretty early if I'm hearing this properly. I wouldn't make that decision right away. I don't think... I think you have to really... I think like therapy, counseling, talking to some people, if they're both believers, that is.

If the person who's dealing with the transgender issues, you know, wants a sex change or whatever, if they're still a believer and they're just trying to figure this thing out, then they're still going to honor this Word of God because that's what we do as Christ followers. And we go to the proper people to get proper counseling and get help and do everything because it's sacrifice. Again, it's sacrifice. It's commitment. You're committed to the marriage.

When you put that ring on that finger, when you say, Until death do us part, it even means that stuff. That's what I was going to say. You know, in sickness and in health, I mean, we say these vows, but then they're hard to... It's hard to call them to our mind when things are really, really bad. And like we're in the depths.

But that's what we were saying before. God has called us to do hard things. God called his apostles to all be martyred in, you know, one by one. God has called us to do hard things. And sometimes, you know, working out our salvation and going through this life, it's not going to be easy.

And it's not always going to be fun. And it may not even always be enjoyable. But I'm just thinking about just the powerful testimony that that believing spouse would have in staying and praying and getting on their knees and saying, this is the covenant. Absolutely. I made, and this is this person's soul, and I love this person, and I believe that this is the person God knit me to.

And, you know, instead of just, you know, yes, it might dissolve, that other person might leave, and God might release this person from the marriage by having the other person walk away, but I'd say if we can attack it first as, I'm getting on my knees right now, and I'm going to pray for a miracle right now, that I believe God has something that's bigger and better for me. And I think if we turn to that first, you turn to prayer first, you know, instead of just, you know, instead of that knee-jerk reaction, well, let me, let me kind of run away, which is what we usually want to do, but, but leaning in, digging in, getting into the Word, and, and praying for God to work a miracle in that marriage, what a testimony they would have on the other side of it. Amen. That was a good one, a big one, a long answer, a long, deep question. They can't possibly be harder than that.

Yeah, yeah, any, okay, next. Any more questions, questions, questions? How long have you guys been married? I got a, I got a question over here. It'll take you a minute.

How long have you been married? As she's going over there, this May will be 16 years. Hand clap, 16 years. May 19th, it'll be 16 years. It took me a second to call that number to mind, just makes you feel better.

I was like, okay, literally this isn't a question for me as well. It's my friend, she, her husband has divorced her, and if there was like infidelity and everything, and she's a believer, and he says he's a believer, but he doesn't live that life, and so she's on the fence of like, could she remarry because he deserted her? Is she, is she able to remarry without it being like adultery? Yes, 100%. Okay.

Pretty, pretty simple answer to that question. Yeah, that's the only actual black and white thing that Jesus gives us in scripture, infidelity is, gives us the ability to, to move on. And honestly, in all these conversations, and there, there's lots of ins and outs, there's lots of things that go into it, and they're not black and white, as I'm sure as most people know, they're not. And remarriage is usually, I think your friend's hit it on the head. That's the really, that's the hard one to, to look into, which I think is a really astute question.

Because divorce, you know, it happens, it unfortunately happens. So many people have had that happen in their lives, and the remarriage question is a hard one. So I, I commend your friend for even trying to think about those things, because that is important. Who's next? Come on.

You're gonna make me, come on, I was just over there. Get your steps in. Oh my gosh. I know, I should have shut my mouth. Did you cut on your Apple watch?

No, I didn't. I should. Well, it doesn't count. It'd be going off my activity bells. How much time a week do you guys take to prioritize strengthening your marriage?

And, and also, what types of things do you guys do to strengthen your relationship with Christ and your marriage? Oh man. That's a great one. That was a really good one. I can tell you probably not nearly as much as we should.

There's always more you can do in, in. But while he was asking, in case y'all didn't hear, how do we strengthen our marriage? How do we prioritize certain things in our marriage to make our marriage stronger? It's different for everybody. Some of you, you set aside time and things like that, but for us, it's kind of an ongoing process in our everydays, everyday.

If there are issues, we probably bring them up right away. We don't let them sit. Earlier in our marriage, what we learn not to do is sit on things until one night when you're going to bed. Okay, we need to talk. We need to talk.

It usually comes right away if we have anything we need to talk about. So we get those things out of the way. I would say, I think sometimes for some people, some couples, maybe it's like a specific date night or do this, that and the other, and we find those really enjoyable when we get to do them. I would say, number one, we actually do, I'm sure you probably would agree, we actually do like our kids and like to spend time together with our family and our kids, so that's good for us. But I would say probably the best way I see Leon make, you know, the way he shows me that he's prioritizing our marriage, is an ongoing personality and behavior of total integrity in everything that he does.

I, as a wife, feel very treasured and cherished and protected because of how my husband treats situations with the opposite sex, the way he interacts with other women, the shows he chooses not to watch, the things he chooses not to listen to, the way he chooses not to behave, and the way that I feel 100% secure in our marriage. I've never had one moment of jealousy because I have a husband who has demonstrated from day one and before day one that I am it, that his entire energy is on me, and even if he has things he would be at liberty to do or say or to watch, he does not do them if there's a hint that I might feel insecure in that. So I'd say that's something that's a very ongoing daily thing that shows a huge commitment to our marriage and makes it feel stronger and stronger every day. And the feeling is mutual because I could, you know, we just have complete trust in each other. We tell each other everything.

If something odd happens and I make sure I tell her, she makes sure if something with the opposite sex happens, like I just didn't, you know, I just want to tell you that this happened or whatever. We're very, very honest about those things, and we always pretty much know what we're doing, where we're going. Another thing, a very, very practical thing, we don't hide anything even as far as spending and stuff too, and that's kind of a big deal I think today. This is probably one of the most common conversations I have with, so you're one flesh, right? And people tend to not only, there was a couple that actually separated their food.

Like, yeah, yeah, like they buy their groceries, and he buys his groceries, she buys his groceries, and they put them in different parts. And I will say this, they're not together. Today, okay, the mayor's didn't make it after I told them they needed to make this work and put things together, like spending here and spending there, doing this, doing that, and it... I might hide, like, key lime pipes. I mean, like, if somebody brings me that, I might put it, like, in the back of the fridge.

No, I'm not saying that you need to lord over the person spending all the time. If they're going to spend $10 here, $10 there, $20. Now, big purchases is what I'm talking about. They're not spending it on TVs and cars and stuff like that. You know, you talk about those things, and you love each other, and you want each other to have what they want or need.

I would also just, like, this is probably off topic, but I would like to say that Leon shows one of the ways he, like, prioritizes and strengthens our marriage is by bringing me town center cold pressed. I just want him to know how much I love that and appreciate that, and he can continue doing it as much as he would like. Little acts of kindness are always good, and knowing each other's little things, you know, that they like. It might not be a big deal to you, but it may be a big deal to them, so those are some things. Yeah, I would say the small things for us may be bigger than, like, the grand gestures.

The constant dedication every day to showing me that he sees me in particular, like, as a person, and the things that make me tick, and the things that I enjoy. And also, we're just, we're together a lot. And stop, and you don't have to, there's little things that you just don't fuss about. In the beginning of our marriage, we'd blow up about stupid little things, and you just got to let those things go. Some things you're just not going to fix in your spouse, okay, if they're awkward or weird or whatever.

You get used to it after a while. I'm speaking for myself, but, and, you know. I mean, I still believe that there will come a day when all the utensils and my tool turnaround are organized by type. And I believe in the name of Jesus that he will achieve that one day. I wasn't going to call out anything, but, you know.

I just feel like all the spoons should go together and all the spatulas should go together. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm just going to throw this in there.

All right. I'm going to say the number one thing I know you guys do together is you pray together. Yeah. We do pray together. Yeah.

So we're, we're. A lot of prayer happening in our house, you know, whether it's like just us or whether it's our kids or whether it's small groups. And that's actually a very important thing, too. As a couple, that as a couple, you're part of community groups as your church, that you do things together with your church family, not just all separate. Um, because at being together with other couples or single people, whatever it is, and having opportunities to just be yourself and be real together with other people is super important.

Yeah. Um, another question. Do we have any single questions? Ooh. Sorry.

Single questions. Single people. All you single ladies. Where am I? All the single ladies.

Just want to give them an opportunity because. Kelly. Because it's for them as well. Woo. Those lights are bright.

Woo. Hi. Um, my question is, um, what would. What you suggest or thinks that if I'm a believer and then of course I've been divorced and I've had relationships where we're not godly and now that I'm starting to get convicted more and more how do we how do people like me or people that can proceed practically speaking and how do we say no from this point on but we do care about this person and we feel like we're in love or heading so you already are in a relationship with somebody that that and you need to say no or okay it was started out godly but then you know well when the okay yeah yeah yeah I had actually somebody asked that you know how do you how do you deal with you know an unbelieving boyfriend or that that's easy you're not married so so that that's a pretty easy question it's hard you've already been emotionally attached maybe a little bit and it's going to be a little harder that's why it's so important like before you even go into a relationship make yourself a list it's not silly to make yourself a list you know of what you're looking for especially as a believer God's given us parameters for relationships and before we even go into a relationship for instance you need to ask questions like okay number one are they a believer right yes they could say yes but that anybody could say I'm a believer you know to go into a relationship okay do you attend church right okay do you are you committed to your church are you like you know involved in your church are you involved in a group or whatever I mean you can go on and on and on that list you know it's one thing to say I'm a Christian but are you living like a Christian and and that you know that's why you know getting to know somebody takes a little bit of time you know maybe a few dates or whatever but you're gonna know right away whether that person is uh if you're good to go that direction or not um I think Kelly too if I'm hearing you you know asking about some practical ways to actually if you know this isn't a godly relationship but you care about that person how how do you break it off is that okay I mean that one that's kind of the harder answer you just have to do it and you can't be around that person in any way shape or form anymore you can't be you can't just be friends um because I don't actually think we're built that way I think we're built to be more than friends um and um I think you have to get accountability around you and people who know um all about that relationship and find somebody that you trust to say I'd like to um you know you know maybe stop this relationship you're not married which is great so it's a lot easier um but I think you do have to find accountability and like confess um and make it very clear to people who love you and who will support you and who will support you and pray for you um and and put yourself in situations that won't tempt you to fall back into it you know just get yourself out of there don't you know get out of your own way you know be And be with people who are, you know, other believers who are going to support you and give you the relationships that you need and keep all that all in the open and just really get a good accountability partner, a person who is not going to shame you or make you feel bad, but is going to be there to say the hard stuff. That would be my suggestion.

All right. Unfortunately, we have time for one more question. Yeah, yeah. I was getting ready to say that. This is why we need a building.

We already have people slipping out. Yeah. Hold on. If you need to go, you're welcome to go. That's fine.

One more question and we'll end. We're going a little long today. Sorry about that. All right. Y'all know me.

I think my question is more for women. I guess it can be taken single. I think, like, how do you handle stepping out of the masculinity role? Like, for, I feel like I have a habit of, like, stepping out of my feminine role in order to be on the more masculine side, like, fight or flight, because that's what I was taught. Fire or flight.

But, you know, I really want to learn how to, like, how to be more submissive or, like, little tips to, you know, be more comfortable and not having to feel unsafe and stepping into those masculine roles or stuff like that. That's a super great question. I would just very quickly say I would be careful not to conflate, like, femininity or masculinity with personality traits or things you're good at or that you like to do. Because just because you're the wife, you could be the total administrator. You could be the person who's in charge of all the finances and there's nothing unbiblical about that at all.

Very frequently Hebrew women in the Old Testament had control of important family documents. Like, that was actually, we know that from, like, Jewish history. We know that, you know, the Proverbs 31 woman was very industrious. She took charge of a lot of things. And I think you can be the wife and totally feminine but, like, do most of the administrative functions.

You can be the one, maybe you're the mechanic and you fix the cars. I don't think that has anything to do with your femininity. And I don't think masculinity means you, like, shoot guns and drive fast cars. I mean, so what? Women can do that, too.

And he can be just as feminine. I think, and submission is really about trusting that your husband is getting in alignment with God to make decisions, you know, spiritual decisions for your household. You know, spiritual decisions are a totally different thing, too. Right. But I think that the two of you come together and you decide how to separate the stuff you want to do.

What am I good at? What brings me joy? What brings you joy? Yeah. And then trusting that your husband is getting with other godly men who are giving him wise counsel.

And then you can be free for your true feminine traits to come out, which have to do with nurturing and community. I don't think they're necessarily... Yeah, there's feminine traits that you have regardless. Right. It has nothing to do with makeup or the clothes you like to wear.

Because you're bold or strong or you have a fight or flight kind of situation doesn't mean you're not feminine. Absolutely. But yeah, you can be like a bold, assertive, maybe even a little bit, you know, aggressive woman and be totally feminine. I think the lie of the world is that if you feel that way, something's wrong with you. Thank you.

Without but And you're not feminine, but you are. And it is a big lie right now. I feel very strongly about that. Same for men. I think men should feel just because, you know, maybe they're, you know, a man who prefers, you know, the artistic, or they're the cook.

They make the good food. Or they're the homemaker. And I remember we had an incredible family at my church growing up. And my mom was probably watching and thinking, you're going to mess this up. I think the mom was, what was she?

She was an engineer. And she was like the breadwinner. And the husband, he had been a teacher. And so he decided to stay home and homeschool all of their many children, just because of the way their gifts divided. And they were a beautiful couple, submissive wife, strong spiritual leader, husband.

And that's just the way their roles divided. And I think that they were still totally feminine. You're a team. You're a team. You have gifts.

He has gifts. And you come together, or she has gifts. And you come together and you make it work. I think we identify feminine, masculine roles with what we do in a family situation. Like the man is supposed to take care of all the finances.

No, that's not necessarily the case. Because a man might not be administrative. In fact, most men aren't administratively gifted. Let's just be honest. We're big vision people for the most part.

But there's, you know, so we, you know, that's important. All right. Gosh, we need to like have just a service where we do nothing but answer questions. Because I even had a ton of them come in online to answer as well. But if you do have any questions, we'll be glad to answer those.

If you want to send them, submit them digitally, we'll be glad to answer those for you. And come to our house on Wednesday nights. Or come to our house on Wednesday nights and ask those questions. We do have a group on Wednesday night. But thank you guys for giving us.

Sorry to keep you. I know some of you are thinking about that cheeseburger you're getting ready to get. And those wings you have to pick up at the store for the big game tonight. But we're going to pray you out now. And then y'all are free to go.

Father, we just thank you, God, for marriages, God. We stand together. We stand together today. The things that we've received, Lord. We don't just take them as something we've listened to and go out and just do what we want to anyway, Lord.

But we believe that it is the very power of God unto salvation. And not only salvation of each individual soul, but society in general, Lord. So we're just believing God today. We are standing up for marriage. We are fighting for marriages.

We are praying for marriages. We are working on our marriages. And we're going to be a strong marriage church, a strong marriage foundation, which ultimately will be a foundation for our society. We're believing for that. We're going to teach and preach and show how good marriages work.

And we are committed, Lord. So let that be in every heart here. Let it begin with the seeds that were planted today. And we ask this in your name. Amen.

Amen. All right. Well, God bless you guys. Go grab some wings and whatever we got out there. Ready?

And donuts.