Becoming One

Well, hello Salt Church. How are you doing this morning? Glad to have you here on, I almost said Thanksgiving. Valentine's Day. Valentine's should be a day of Thanksgiving, right?

Amen. Amen for relationships. We are in a series called, it's complicated but it doesn't have to be a relationship series. And I'm excited to share with you the next installment of this series. But before I do, I just want to welcome you if you're new with us today.

Thank you so much for being with us. It is an honor and a privilege for you to be our guest. And if you would take a second, it would be our honor to be able to connect with you by filling out one of those connection cards. We don't have them in the seats right now, obviously, for certain reasons. But you can either go right online, you can go right to your phone, saltchurch.

org slash card. Or if you want to go to saltchurch.org, you'll find it right there on the website. Connect, hit that. Fill out that information.

We'd love to send something to you in the mail, a little gift from us. Or you can just go over to the next steps table right out on your way out and fill out a card there and we'll have a little gift for you. But we just thank you so much for being with us here today. And those of you who are regulars that are always braving and coming out, and even when there wasn't parking this morning, you made it, right? You decided to be here.

God's got something special for you. So let's roll into this. And I hope God has something powerful for you today. I know he's been really feeding me this week as I've been studying for this message. So we are in a series called It's Complicated.

And it will be. It will be if you do it the world's way, right? But if you do it God's way, it doesn't have to be. And that's what we're going through in this series. We want to talk about doing it God's way.

The one who defined it, the one who made it, the one who created relationships, created marriage, created the man and the woman should be the one who defines it, right? So that's what we're looking at. We're going to Scripture to look at it. And God doesn't just put us in survival mode with our relationships. And maybe some of you are going through that right now.

You're in a difficult place in your relationships, in your marriage. You're trying to figure things out. But God doesn't just want to put us in survival mode and just kind of fix the messiness and kind of put it back together. He actually wants to give you a fresh start. A fresh start today.

He is a God of fresh starts. And He wants to do that in your relationships. And whether you're married today or single, all of this is for you. God has a design for you. And if we follow it God's way, we can either go one way or the other.

But God's got the perfect way for us. And in Romans, kind of our theme verse here, Romans 1, 21 through 25, we look at the people in this day. And as Paul's preaching, he says, they knew God, but they wouldn't worship Him as God or even give Him thanks. So they knew God. They were people who knew about God.

But they wouldn't worship Him. They wouldn't give Him honor. They wouldn't look to Him when they needed advice. They wouldn't look to the way of the tree of life, right? That He has designed.

As we talked about last week, God has laid out a tree of life for us. But as a result, their minds became dark and confused. Let me back up there. I skipped over a verse there. And they began to think up foolish ideas of what God was like.

So that's what people do, right? They try to design their own God. They try to figure out who God is in their own terms, in their own way, in their own understanding. Because they don't necessarily agree with the way of God because they're not worshiping Him anyway, right? And as a result, their minds became dark and confused.

Claiming to be wise, they instead became utter fools. So they thought they were smart. They thought they were wise. But they were fools. And as a result, they did all kinds of things to each other.

Vile and degrading things to each other's bodies. And they traded the truth, the way of life, the way that God had for them, for the lie. It says a lie, but... The actual rendering of that scripture is the lie. They had a big fat lie.

So last week, we talked about five lies that Satan kind of puts us in. You know, he tells us things, he whispers things to us. Five lies. And it took us from just not believing that the Bible is completely true, all the way to this place of shame. You know, like, that's where he wants to carry us.

And you need to go back and listen to that message. I got a lot of good feedback from that one. I think it really touched a lot of hearts. So if you didn't get a chance to, you can go to our website and catch up there and look at that. But next week, this is really going to be good.

So I want every single, every married couple, all of you need to be here. But particularly, it's focused on singlehood next week. And I've got a guest speaker coming in that knows this subject really well. And I'm excited. God's got some really great stuff next week.

So if you're single, come on out. And we're going to look at the way God designed singlehood, single relationships, and being complete in God rather than be complete in someone else. So I think it's going to be awesome. And it's going to set you up for great things. But today, I want to talk about marriage.

I want to talk about becoming one. I want to talk about unity today. Really what that means, becoming one, is something being put together and not being able to be taken apart. A couple that comes together in marriage and nothing can separate it. But today, that's not necessarily what we see.

I mean, divorce is just a topic. Disposable relationships is what we see. Well, I can try it for a while. And I bet 90% of the people here who walk down the aisle that are married have probably said this statement, till death do us part, right? Right in front of God and everything.

But do we actually believe till death do us part? That statement that we make before God. Ruth Graham, Billy Graham's wife, years ago, somebody asked her if she ever got mad or just angry with Billy. She says, certainly all the time. You know, I mean, he was traveling all the time.

I had to take care of the kids myself. I mean, he would come in. I was angry with him quite often, you know. Yeah, yeah, I got mad with him. And then they asked, have you ever thought about divorcing him?

She said, absolutely not. Murdering him? Yes. But divorce never came to my mind. It is never a thought because once we make a commitment, we were together in it from that very beginning.

And so I don't advise murder either, okay? That's not a good thing either. But murder is not good. Neither is divorce. So divorce shouldn't be an option.

But we see, why do we have conflict in our marriages? Why is there all this friction that happens? Because the truth is, opposites do attract. We're different people. I mean, 90% of marriages are opposite.

I mean, there's a statistic out there. You are married to somebody completely different to you, completely opposite to you. My wife is saying amen to that because we are completely opposite. And there's this myth out there that this person that's going to be with me one day is going to complete me. That I'm going to be complete.

I'm going to be everything. They're going to make me who I am, that person. But that's not true. You need to be complete in yourself before you find that person. You have a mission and that person comes along and partners with you on that mission, on that, on that.

But let me just, let me just do just a real quick test here. How many of you in your marriages are punctual? And the other one is kind of a go with the flow guy. You know, I've got to be on time. I got to, you know, we got to be here.

I just take it easy. I mean, how many of your marriages are like that? Yeah, you're laughing because it's so true. How many of you are like the planned destination when you go on a trip? You, you, you, you, well, you want to get to the destination at a certain point.

At a certain point, at a certain time, you don't look where you're going, you don't look around you, right? But then the partner's like, well, let's just enjoy the journey. Let's stop and look at the largest ball of yarn, you know, in the world. Let's stop on the side of the road and look at this. Look at this rock and look at the trees.

But you're not a tree person. You're like, we got to get to that location. We got to get there at this time. Different people. How many of you are savers?

And how many of you are spenders? Right? Savers and spenders. Yeah. We're attracted to our opposites.

We're different. We really are. We're different people. We're totally opposite. But we look at it as these disposable relationships.

We just, you know, we can have them for a while and we can just throw them away, whether they're before God or whatever. But Jesus was dealing with this, actually. In fact, the Pharisees in his day, they would dispose of a spouse for no reason at all. It was no-fault divorce. You could divorce any, in fact, we have that today, you know.

In most states, it's legal to just divorce anybody for any reason whatsoever. No-fault divorce. And the Pharisees were well accustomed to this. In fact, they were asking Jesus and they were trying to put Jesus on the spot. And in that day, women were looked at as property.

You could tell them, you know. In fact, there's some cultures that actually have their marriage certificate in their pockets and they're like, you see that? You see that? You're going to talk to me like that? You're going to say, you know, that the men would just hold it there and just show you.

Yeah, some cultures are like that. That's how it was in this culture, particularly. They were very, you know, women were just property. They could just dispose of them whenever they wanted to. And then some of the Pharisees, if you want to follow along with me in Matthew 19, it says, and starting with verse 3, it says, some of the Pharisees came to him to test him and they asked, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all, for any and every reason?

And then Jesus responds. He always responds with Scripture, right? He knows what he's doing. He knew that they were, he was pulling them down because they were just doing it, you know. And they had laws set up where they could do that, right?

He says, haven't you read, he replied, that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female and said, for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become, what? One flesh? The two will become one flesh, not separated? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one, let no man, no thing separate.

I think of it like this. I've got this piece of paper right here, and this piece of paper is glued together. Nice, nice. I used the word paste the other day, and my wife was like, you use paste? I was like, what are you, British or something?

Where's the paste? You know, she said, where's the glue? But when we come together as one, two pieces of paper, you cannot separate it. After it's been together for a long time, you begin to separate that, what does it do? It rips.

It gets nasty. It gets complicated. It gets weird, right? Right? It's not easy to separate.

And in marriage, it's the same way. You know, divorce, if we go, we think that we could just, oh, we'll just divorce, we'll be okay. But it's going to tear. It's going to be ugly. There's going to be things that aren't right.

It isn't as easy as you think it is. And let me just say this. My heart goes out to you guys who have gone through relationships and divorces. I know that it's been, you know, there were challenges, and there were things that you couldn't help, and there's things. So, first of all, let me say this.

God's got something new for you this season, because God can create a, he can give you a fresh start. This is not a message of condemnation. I'm not trying to do this to say, and then others of you, you're going through relationships that are quite abusive. And I'm not telling you to be a punching bag. And sometimes we recommend separation for the purpose of healing.

You know, we do recommend that. So, we're not saying that at all. But God is saying that it's very complicated. Unwanting is very complicated. It's hard to un-one something.

And I like that word, un-one. That's my word there. And it's not easy doing it our way. So, we need to change our mindsets when we pick that person that we're supposed to be with. When God brings that person, we got to make, we got to have that mindset.

So, here's what I want to say. Here's the statement I want to bring us to. That marriage is a covenant. A covenant, not a contract. Marriage is a covenant, not a contract.

Thank you for that clap. Let me say that again. Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. And some of you are like, well, what's the difference? That's probably why you're not clapping.

Well, I'm glad you're asking that question because I'm going to share that with you today, okay? Think about a contract for a second. What do you do? You have lots of paperwork. A lot of you are in real estate.

I mean, this is a big real estate city. You understand what that means. You know, going through the contracts, making sure all the I's are dotted and the T's are crossed and making sure everything. And why do you do that? So, you can hold up your end of the deal if anything falls through, right?

Right. But in a covenant, it is a blood. In fact, covenant literally means to cut. To cut. It means blood.

Blood to cut. It means that it is a blood relationship. And in the Old Testament, we see covenant. We see when someone makes a promise to somebody, they do it in blood because it's something that is absolutely, no matter what side of the house, what's going on, it is a promise that is connected and will never be broken apart. In fact, in weddings, you see how people tie their hands together and demonstrate kind of the bond.

In the Old Testament or in other cultures even, there's cuts that are made on the hands where they pull them together and they rope them together in the ceremony showing that they are one and they cannot be separated because it is a blood covenant. In the Old Testament, there were occasions even when they would sacrifice a bull at the wedding feast and they would lay the pieces, and this is kind of gross, guys, but they would slice a bull up and lay it all out in the way they would come and they would walk through it hand in hand to remind them that what God puts together, it could never be separated. It symbolized a covenant relationship. So let me just explain that for a minute. What does covenant, in fact, Jesus even made a covenant.

Did you know that? Jesus made a covenant to us. In Luke 22, it says, in the same way, after the supper, he took the cup, right? What did he say when he took the cup? He said, this cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.

So Jesus made a covenant commitment, a promise that, you know what? I'm getting ready to demonstrate my love for you. A love that is never to be broken. A love that is a bond that will last the ages. A love that will, a love as we sing about today.

A love that goes over mountains and across seas and nothing can separate you. The chasm is not too far too wide, right? It isn't because God's love extends to everyone this covenant. And what's beautiful about it, he says, and when you were yet sinners, when you were yet sinners, when you were still in your sin, he loved you. As we were singing that song, when I was still a foe, you loved me.

You gave it for me. You thought of me. That's what the blood covenant is. It's a commitment that he made to us. And when we receive that, we have the ability to give it to others.

When we know what it's like to be loved when we're unloved, and to be rescued when we were unrescuable, when God came across that chasm to us in the darkness and brought light to us, even when we wanted to stay in darkness. It helped to pull some goodness out there. It helps us see that we have a love that we can give back to others, and that's what marriage represents. Throughout the Bible, we see this bride-and-groom relationship between Jesus and the church, God and Israel, and this covenant relationship. So, here's just a good definition of marriage.

Marriage is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. An unconditional commitment to an imperfect person, because we are very imperfect, and we make mistakes, and we will have fights. We will have arguments. We will have conflict, because we're opposite people. And on the worst day, we need to be able to say, I'm still in it.

When Miranda and I get in a fight, and we have fights, and we have disagreements, and we don't get along sometimes, but there's never that thought that, well, I'm just going to break this contract. I'm going to get out of this contract, because, no, that thought never crosses our mind. Yes, we get mad at each other, but we are committed to each other. We have security in that with each other. We are secure that neither one of us are going to break that covenant that we made before God, and before the fellowship we were with that day, when we walked across the altar, before the heavens, when we said, until death do us part.

Let me give you just three quick things about the difference between covenant and contract. Covenant is based on mutual commitment. That both people are committed. There's not a commitment. There's not a line drawn in the sand.

That's why I hate prenups, because it's setting you up for failure, right? Well, we've got to be careful, because if this marriage doesn't make it, no, we need to come in with the understanding that this marriage will make it. It's a commitment. It's a commitment on both parts. And it's not a commitment if you expect someone else to hold their end of the deal, right?

That, okay, let's pull out the paperwork, and I want to make sure that you're going to honor this, and honor that, and do this, and do that, or we're out, right? That's not what marriage is. Marriage is a commitment, a mutual commitment. And the reason there's a contract, right, is to protect the person. So when you're coming into a contract, you want to be protected from the very person you're giving your life to, right?

And it just doesn't make sense. Not God's way. Because commitment is being, here's what, I heard this really good definition of commitment. Commitment is being unhappy for a little while to work it out. So when you're going through issues, the commitment is, you're going to have to be unhappy sometimes.

You're going to be in a marriage. It's not going to always be flowers and candies and Valentine's Day. It's not going to be honeymoon. You know, that word honeymoon is sweet month. It literally means sweet month.

And you have a wonderful sweet month. You have a sweet month. But after that sweet month, things change, right? Things are different. You start learning things about the person.

Things come out. You know, when you're in that dating relationship, everything, you know, you got everything. Oh, he's just like me. She's just like me. We got so much in common.

But you find out later on that you have a lot. What did this come from? You didn't like that. You told me when we were dating that you were into this and you're not now. I mean, things, I mean, we act unintentionally lie, right?

When we're dating. So we want to make sure that the people that we're with in our relationships are God. Are God. A contract is based on mutual commitment. But, I mean, excuse me, covenant is based on mutual commitment.

But contract is based on mutual distrust. Distrust. So we come in with this distrust. I heard somebody use the vows recently. We make those vows at the wedding.

I saw this. It says, I promise to be faithful to you as long as I love you. They change their vows. And that's what we're getting in our culture. Like, we'll come into this marriage as long as I continue to love you or as long as I get those feelings.

But give that a few days, right? Give that a few weeks. Give that a few months. That marriage is destined to not make it. So covenant is based on mutual commitment.

I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say A contract is based on mutual distrust. The second thing is covenant surrenders rights and assumes responsibilities, while a contract protects rights and shirks responsibilities. Let me just say this. It goes against the whole entitlement mentality that is in our culture, right? That I deserve.

I deserve to be happy. I mean, I deserve to be treated this way, right? We think that we deserve the things that we don't deserve, right? I mean, we even got this statement. We like to use the pursuit of happiness.

You know, America is this pursuit of happiness. Yeah, the pursuit of happiness. It doesn't mean you're entitled to happiness. You're entitled to pursue happiness. But we have this happy idea.

If he makes me happy, then maybe I'll stay in it. If she makes me happy, because I deserve it. I can't believe he's treating me that way. I mean, I don't know why she did that, you know? I should be treated this way.

We have this entitlement mentality. And Christ, you know what? Christ didn't deserve the cross, a cross either. Christ gave his life for us, and he absolutely didn't serve him. A loving like Christ loved the church is a hard thing.

Christ loved the church so much that he gave his life for us. We didn't deserve it, because he surrendered his rights. He surrendered his kingship and lordship for us. Jesus laid down his rights for love. Love.

That's what true love is. Laying down our rights, not a contract that protects and shirks our responsibility, and we treat it a certain way. God wants us to surrender our rights. In marriage, in a good marriage, we learn how each mutual person surrenders their rights. It's an easy formula.

We just can't figure it out. When we sacrifice ourselves and our rights for each other, we find wholeness. We find health. And the third thing is a covenant has the interest of the other in mind. A contract has personal convenience in mind.

I'm not in this for what I can get, but what I get to give others. That's what it is. Covenant versus contract. Contract has personal convenience in mind. If I don't get what I need, as long as it's good for me, as long as I get what I can get out of it, I'm in it.

But as soon as I don't get that, I'm gone. Shirks it, pushes it aside. It's about convenience. I love how Robert Moore says this, and this really got me. I was listening to his message about a year ago on oneness and relationships, and I had to write this down.

It said, the covenant is not in full force until both die. A covenant is not in full force till both die. So as long as you are alive, your marriage won't work. And you're probably like, what are you talking about? Are we got to die?

I'm not talking about physical death. I'm talking about spiritual death here. And if one of you sits up in the casket, it won't work, right? You both need to be dead. That's how arguments start.

Arguments start when one person is not dead, is not surrendered to the other person. Now, I mean, you're probably like, well, that's silly, Pastor. Well, think about it this way. Maybe this is a little jokingly tongue-in-cheek when I say this, but go to a funeral and walk up to the casket, and I want you to look around, make sure nobody's looking, and I want you to just look down at that person and say, you were so bad. You're so wrong, right?

Maybe somebody, y'all aren't laughing. Okay. I'm not serious, by the way, but, you know, think about it. Is that person going to talk back to you? Nope.

Why? Because they're dead. And spirit Virtually, when we say the old self is dead, the old self has to be dead. In covenant relationships, both people have to die for the covenant to move forward and the covenant to move in power. Hebrews 9.

16 says it like this, and in the ASB, for where a covenant is, there must of necessity be the death of the one who made it. For a covenant is valid only when man are dead, for it is never in force while the one who made it lives. So what is that? Yeah, there's a law there, but there's a spiritual aspect of it there. A covenant was made, Jesus Christ gave his blood.

There was a covenant, it was a promise made by God when he turned his back on the sun and had to watch him die for our sins. A covenant relationship. So God is calling us back to blood relationship. God is calling you and me back to blood relationship. And blood is thicker than water.

We like to use that term, blood being thicker than water. And we are quick to help those who are blood over those who are not, right? A pastor was sharing with me one time about having this counseling session in his church and spent months and months with this couple. The man was unfaithful and they had been trying to work it out for a long time, a really long time. And he had done everything.

He says, you know, just stick it out, just work it out. The wife wasn't quite there and she never got there. And she decided one day, she came into his office and she sat down and she says, you know, pastor, I'm just done. I don't think this is going to work. It's just not going to work.

We've decided. I've tried it. We've been working on it. And he tried to tell it like, can you give it just one more shot? I mean, I really think this can work and you got to commit it.

You got to see it out and things. She says, no, this is where we are and this is just, we're just done. And he says, okay, you know, if that's your decision, that's, and as she's walking out, she turns around and looks at him and says, oh, by the way, do y'all have any drug recovery programs in the church? And he's like, oh yeah, yeah, we have, we have several groups and things like that you can be a part of or somebody can be a part of. And she says, because my brother, my brother is in drug, he's a drug addict and I help him.

I do everything I can. I give him $2,000 a month. I send things to him and I'm trying to, you know, trying to get people around him. And he says, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So you're willing to help your brother and do whatever it takes, sending him money and doing whatever and going out of your way, but you're not willing to heal your marriage.

Because for some reason we think, well, they're family. But marriage is a completely different category. In fact, marriage should be the closest thing that you should hold to your, that covenant that you made. Covenant is that important. In fact, Malachi said it like this.

He says, so be on your guard and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. The man who hates and divorces his wife says the Lord, the God of Israel, and he says this, does violence, does violence violence to the one he should protect, says the Lord Almighty. That was words straight from the prophet to the people that it does violence. Now, what does that mean? Does it mean it like beats them up or causes like violent things to happen?

Not necessarily. It's about meeting the need of that person. Even when the time is tough, when the times are hard, there was a story of a pastor. Pastor Chris Hodges was sharing this. He's a pastor of Church of the Highlands.

And he shared like his son had gotten into this really, really, really bad situation when he was a teenager. And he was at police station with a couple of people. A couple of his friends and his dad came and picked him up and, you know, he's pulling in, you know, what are your dads thinking if you caught your teenage son, if you have teenagers and caught your teenage son? What's the first thing you're thinking? What are you, what is, why would you make that?

You know, and he said the other dads were doing all that. They were like, what? Why? You know, you're grounded for this amount of time. How could you ever make that decision?

And Chris just walks up and he's just smiling. He's looking at it and says, son, you are so lucky that I'm your dad. Because, because I'm not going to be like these other dads. I want, I want, I'm here for you. I'm here, I'm here.

Yes, what you did was wrong, but, but I'm here because I want to help meet the need. You need a daddy right now. You need a dad right now. You need, you need that because, and what we do is when we usurp that, the need that someone, that that partner needs, we, we create this violence, this, this separation from, from you didn't protect me. You didn't love me.

He said years later, his son came in to his kitchen crying and bawling and says, you know, dad, remember that night that I was in the police station, you picked me up and you said that those things, you didn't get mad at me, but you, you just said, you know, I'm here for you, son. If you ever need me in any situation, I'll be there. That was a defining moment in my life. And he serves the Lord now with all of his heart. He's in ministry and things like that.

I mean, he just loves God with all of his heart. See, see, separation, divorce brings violence to the one. It doesn't bring protection to them. It brings enemy against them. But when we, we stick it out and we love them and we have that blood covenant that we made to them, it protects them.

It protects them because this is, this is the statement. If you, if you want to write this down, love doesn't give a person what they deserve. It gives them what they need. You deserve a lot of things, but your spouse may deserve a lot of things. They may be the meanest person in the world, right?

They might be really mean, but don't give them what they deserve. Well, he's a jerk, you know, but don't give them what he deserves. Give them what he needs. And it says, so be on your guard because you're going to feel like quitting sometimes. That's why it says be on your guard.

Don't, don't do violence to the person because you need to be on your guard. You need to be on your guard and do not be unfaithful. Do not break up that covenant that you made because you want to get out of it. So I'm going to give you just an application. I'm going to give you three things today.

Just three things as, as we begin to close, as we begin to land a plane in this. And, and, and these three things, I believe that are going to build your marriage. They're going to help you with your family. They're going to help you with your kids, your relationships. And I've made these to you.

I've made these commitments to you as a pastor that, that no matter what you do, no matter what you're going through, and because we're not always going to disagree and we're going to be misunderstood, right? There's just, just, just how human nature is. We, we're going to say things, we're going to do things, but, but I'm agreeing, I'm agreeing that it might be, I might not be happy for a little while, but I'm committed. That I put aside my happiness for a little while because I'm committed to, to making a choice to, to, to nurture you and, and, and for, and to help you and, and to, to encourage you even when it doesn't feel great, right? And we need to make these in our marriages.

And the first one is we will make the choice to love. And I love talking about choice. I talked about it last week. I'll probably talk about it again in a few weeks because I think it's so important to understand that choices are first and feelings follow. Love is not a feeling, okay?

Love has feelings, but love is not a feeling. We like to say, oh, I, I don't feel in love, so I must not be in love. No, love is a chore. And feelings follow. And when we prioritize that, when we learn to nurture, and we learn to serve them, and it ain't fun at times, guys.

It's not fun to love. When your child is sick and puking, you know, all over the place, what do you do? You run to that child, and you hold that bucket down there, and you rub their heads, and you say, I'm sorry, baby, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's a choice to do that, right? I mean, you don't want to be down there holding it.

When we're coming back from the Outer Banks, Miranda remembers this, and she's puking. I know she's, I didn't tell her I was going to share this, but I think she'll be okay with it. One of our first outings as a married couple, I think it was actually an anniversary we were having at the Outer Banks. We had a little camp out going on in the very first year. And she came, she was walking down there, we were riding down there, and she was talking about her belly hurting, and I thought she was just being a drama queen because, you know, we were newlyweds.

We're still in our honeymoon phase, and now we're figuring each other out. I said, oh, no, here she is. She's talking about being sick. I said, I'm sick. She was doing everything she could to, like, hide it.

You know, I want to make this work. And I felt so bad later on when she actually was walking out of the tent and going to the bathroom and puking her guts out in this little nasty stall at a campground. It was bad. It wasn't fun. And I wanted to go and go back to the tent.

I wanted to enjoy our rest of our vacation in the Outer Banks camping out. I wanted to do that. But I made a choice that I love this woman, and I'm going to help her, and I'm going to go, and I put her in that car that night, and all the way home, stopping every five minutes for her to get out of the car and do her thing. It was not fun. It was bad.

It's probably one of the worst situations that we've had since our marriage. All the way three hours. All the way home. And then she was completely fine the next day. I mean, she healed real quick.

Couldn't endure the night. But love is a choice. Colossians 3.14 says, and over all these virtues, put on love. I need to put it on.

That's a choice I make. Put it on. I've got to wear love. Put on love. Put on love, which binds them together in perfect unity.

Because this mess right here, it just gets all nasty. It gets all, no, no, no, no. No, it doesn't separate. It's together. It binds us.

It binds us together in unity. And then the second thing is we will prioritize our relationship. Okay? This is really, really important. You need to prioritize your relationship with your spouse.

Priorities are important. If you're going to have an uncomplicated relationship, you've got to put some maintenance in it, guys. I say guys because us guys are terrible at it. Men, we've got to maintain, and women, you've got to maintain that relationship. You've got to work on it.

You've got to get some tools out. You've got to fix it a little bit, you know? You've got to put her first. You've got to put him first. It goes before your kids.

It goes before all your plans and your commitments and things like that. There's time. You've got to set aside some time. You've got to work on that relationship. In fact, Galatians says it like this.

Do not be deceived. God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. If you sow things into a relationship, they will reap good things. And if you don't like what you have, then maybe you're not seeding what you need.

You're not giving her what you need. I speak that from a man. She's not giving you what you need. Well, what are you giving her? Vice versa.

If you probably don't have what you want because you're not doing something yourself, you need to sow, sow, sow into that relationship. And it says, let us not grow weary in doing good, right? We need to do good to our spouses. We need to do good to our relationships. For at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we want.

We do not. And I look, give up. He says, don't give up. Jesus said, don't give up. He's talking about ministry and things here, but this is marriage.

This is relationships. Don't give up. I know it's hard. Now, I'm not telling you to be a punching bag. I'm not telling you to suffer under verbal and physical abuse.

And again, there's times you have to separate for a while for the purpose of healing. But he's saying, you know, don't give up. Don't give up. Continue to seed that relationship. Continue to maintain that relationship.

Continue to pray for that spouse. Continue to cover them with prayer and love and going to God and just seeking him in this relationship. Do good. Do good to them even when they don't do good to you. Well, he's mean.

He's mean. He's awful. Just hold on. Just hold on. Keep seeding it.

Because there is fruit coming. There is fruit coming. It comes. So many people, they plant the seeds and they want fruit overnight. Because again, that mentality, instantaneous gratification mentality where I want it tomorrow.

I want it right now. Even in ministry, we're like that. Oh, I'm seeding. I'm seeding. But God, when are you going to bring the return?

When are you going to bring the return? Hold on. Do not give up. Because there's fruit coming. There's fruit coming.

Sometimes it feels like there's no fruit. And then lastly, we need to trust God. We will trust God. Not our feelings. Not what my girlfriend says.

Not what my boyfriend says. If you're a girl, boyfriends, that shouldn't be there anyway. Not what my friends say. Not what my family says. Well, my family says, you know, maybe I chose.

That's not your family's business. If your family was a godly family, what would they tell you? Go back to your husband. Go back to your wife. I remember hearing the story of my grandfather, or not my grandfather, but another grandfather of my cousin.

He was like a grandfather to me because I knew him like a grandfather on the other side of the family. And my aunt and uncle had a bad argument. My aunt left the house and went home. They were in first year of marriage, fussing. She said, well, I'm just going.

She brought her bags and she was moving back in, right? You know what her dad did? Sat her down and says, you are not going to do this. You married that man, you go home. Some of you are like, oh, it's okay, baby.

You know, you just made the wrong decision. Nope. Arguments happen. But you make a choice and feelings follow. Feelings, you need to throw those feelings aside and fix it.

Get back over there. They've been married for many, many, many years. Never divorced. I'm proud to say that I got a family that has three generations of people who are committed families, no divorces. Because you know why?

We followed God. We didn't follow the ways of men. And it ain't always been easy, guys. They'll tell you that. But we trusted God.

Here's what God says. Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. So is God the builder of your house? If you bow your heads and close your eyes. People are making decisions right now.

All over this place, people are making decisions. You're online today. Thank you for being with us today. You're right there. And you're on your computer and on your phone and in your living room.

And here in this place, people are making decisions right now because the Spirit's working. He's talking to you. Some of you have never trusted Jesus for that covenant relationship that he made to you when you were yet a sinner. Many different people walking in different places. In different places in their lives.

Today you can make a decision, you can trust in God, you know what trust means? You know what trust means? Not my feelings. It's trusting in a promise, a relationship that He made with you long before you wanted one with Him. That I can step out in faith and believe, and I know He's got me.

And maybe the Holy Spirit's leading you to Himself right now. Maybe today's today. That this God, this reckless, loving God, this love that just reaches over mountains and penetrates, you know, seas and valleys and goes places that nobody else can go to reach you. Maybe this is the opportunity. Maybe right here in Salt Church, Salt, making a difference in this way.

It brought you here today. I don't know where you've come from. I don't know where you're, where you're at in your spiritual walk. Maybe you've been a believer for a long time. Maybe you've never come to church before, but maybe today's today that says, oh God, it's not working.

A tree of the knowledge of good and evil in the garden that I make my own God and I make my own plant. Maybe that's not working for me. It's not working for me. I've tried it that way. But Lord, you say that you have a tree of life, that you have good fruit bearing from that tree.

So I want to give my life to you. If that's you today, and this is your opportunity as you're making it, if you'd say, Lord, I want that. I want that. I want to give my life to you today. I'm ready to walk the tree of life.

If that's you today, if you'd just quietly slip up your hand. I'm not going to embarrass you. I just want to know who you are so I can pray with you. Amen. I want to put those hands back.

Just pray this with me and believe it. Believe it right now. And if you didn't raise your hand, you can still make this commitment. There's nothing magic in the prayer. It's just surrender.

This is what trusting in Jesus. You're laying down your guard. You're opening up your heart. And you're allowing him to come in and change you. So just say, Lord, I want this covenant relationship that you've already made for me.

Today I receive the blood of you, Jesus. I believe that I'm far from you. I'm a sinner. And I don't have it all right, but you make it right, God. Online, online right now as you're praying, just confess to him.

Just say, Lord, I can't do it my way any longer. I need you. So come into my life and come into my heart and make me whole. Bring freedom to my life. I receive you today.

Hey, I'm yours. And I'm walking this day from here on out, surrendering my life to you. In Jesus' name, amen. Amen. Can y'all give God a shout of praise?

A shout of praise. Amen. Amen. Man, we're doing something a little different today. And you can keep playing, Dom.

You can think Dom, too, man. He filled in for us today. Maybe y'all could talk him into coming over to Salt Church and doing this permanent. I don't know if that. But as we said, how many couples do we have here today, married couples we have here today?

Give me a shout, all you married couples. Did everybody get a raffle? Did everybody fill out a ticket, get a ticket when they came in today? I just want to make sure all the married couples, if you got a ticket, pull out that ticket. And let me just explain what this is.

And all of you online, I just want to make y'all feel bad for not being at church today. No, I'm just playing. I'm so glad you're able to tune in today. But we've got an El Jardino's. A gift certificate, that's Miranda and I's favorite Italian place.

How much is that? $120, El Jardino's, not only that, and, and, and we have a gift certificate so that you can stay at a hotel overnight. So you can make it a whole, how much? $150, so that's $270, I'm not a mathematician, so $270. And a Ghirardelli chocolate, you can't forget that.

So we got two of these, not just one, but two of these today, because we love your marriage, okay? And we want to, we want to bless it, we want you to stick with it. And let me just say this too, can I just say this today? If you're ever having difficulties in your marriage, please reach out. We want to help you.

Don't, don't wait till it's too far gone and you're just completely, if you, if you need help, we don't, if we don't know, we can help you. And I know marriage is under attack. I know there's a lot of things going on in the marriage relationship. I just want to say, we'll do whatever we can. If we need to help pay for counseling for you to go to counseling, or if we need to, you know, get you a date night just to get away and talk about things or whatever.

I mean, we want to help. I mean, we got all kinds of options for you to be able to help your marriage. Because I think if the, if the family goes, the church goes, I think the church, the family is the foundation of church, good, healthy families. And I believe in good, healthy families. And it starts with a good, healthy marriage.

Amen. So, so let's, let's, uh, let's be intentional about that. That should have been a point in my message. Be intentional about fixing your marriage. Amen.

Amen. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So Christina is saying, okay, I'm still up here.

Okay, Christina, we're going to, we're going to, um, I'm, I'm preaching a second sermon here. Sorry, guys. All right. So here comes the first ticket. I'm just going to mix it up a little bit.

All right. We got a lot of them in here too. All right. Drum roll. Okay.

Do we, do we call out the full number, Christina? So, uh, zero, seven, five, three, seven, eight, seven, eight, seven. Who's, who's three, seven, eight, seven? We're on a damn. All right.

Wow. Y'all, y'all, yeah, I'll give it to you here. Here, here. I wanted to keep it. That's why.

Wow. What a great, great couple right there. They are solid, solid. Okay. So next one, let's do it.

Let's do it. All right. Yeah. I love the piano background music too. Okay.

All right. Here we go. Here we go. I love the first part of the numbers, always the same. So it always leaves like, okay, okay.

Ready? Ready? Zero, seven, five, three, seven, eight, three. Who's eight, three? Oh, David, Christina.

And by the way, I mean, well-deserved couples. I can tell you both of them are very solid couples, very solid marriage, good friends of ours. Both of them very solid in Jesus Christ. So, so praise God, praise God for that. And by the way, those, those gift certificates, uh, to the, to, to a hotel, um, they are like cash gift certificates.

So if you, if you say, I don't want a hotel and want to pay extra on your date, do something else. That's fine. Okay. So, but we didn't want to give you that opportunity. Oh, wow.

So God bless everybody. Just to stand, let's stand. Um, we're getting ready to take, take up offering here in a second. And like I said, Hey guys, can I just share something with you? Um, as I shared in our vision service, we do one on one on place, our own, on building and things like that.

And I was just so, so excited about, uh, our giving last year and what y'all were able to do. Um, January is usually a really low month in giving. Um, so last year, this time we're in February, I know, but in January we brought in $6,900. which was really low for us that year, and for that time of year, you know, it's just expected. Well, this year y'all brought in $16,500.

It's like way over what we had last year. So guys, I'm telling you what you do just helps so much. It helps us do stuff like this, give gifts to people. It helps us bless families, people that are in need in our church, outside our church. It helps us partner with the community.

I was meeting with a church planter yesterday up in Orange, Virginia. They're getting ready to plant a church. We're helping them plant a church. We get to do kingdom stuff, and also we want a building. So, you know, the more we're able to do, the more we're able to reach more people, amen?

And this is all about reaching more people. It's not about us. It's not about our church. It's about the bigger picture. It's about us and the bigger picture, right?

We want to do it all. And so continue to do what you're doing. I'm believing for 200,000 plus giving this year in 2021. No matter what the economy of the world says, God's going to bless us, and we're going to do some amazing things, and we're going to love people, and we're going to love God because God loves people, amen? Okay, so you can give online.

We have all electronic giving, but if you are a physical giver, you can give it in the buckets. As you go out the door to the right, you can drop it in there. We are not passing a bucket or anything, but if you feel led to give today, if you're a guest, don't feel obligated to give, please don't. We're just excited you're here. This was our gift to you today.

So, God, I just thank you, Lord, for your amazing, wonderful presence that was here with us today. Thank you so much that you are a faithful God. Thank you for marriages. Thank you for relationships, God. I pray for a powerful, powerful season in all these people's lives.

Amazing day to celebrate relationships, Lord. I pray for next week as we bring back a guest speaker and talk about singlehood and all those, even all the singles in here today who are probably struggling because they haven't found that person, Lord. We're just praying for them, God, that you, we know that you have that person for them, the perfect person to help them complete, not to complete them, but to complete the mission that you have given them. It's a different type of completion. So, we bless the offering, the giving today.

We thank you so much that, that you are, you're so, so, so faithful. And Lord, we will do your work. We will take on what you've given us and we will give it back. We will seed it and we will watch the fruit grow. And we just, we just want to see your kingdom come, your will be done.

And we will be salt because salt always makes a difference. And a little bit of salt goes a long way.