The Heart Of Being Single

Amen. Amen. The pastor said I had two hours, so I got to start my timer here. Hallelujah. Let's pray here.

Holy Spirit, we welcome your presence here, how you visited us this morning, Lord. I thank you for the declarations that were released through the songs of worship in this house today over this body right now. And I thank you, Holy Spirit, you come and touch my mouth, anoint the words you'd have to share from my heart. Lord, may they deliver and go to every heart that needs to hear this word of hope and restoration and healing. So just bless this time in Jesus' name.

Amen. Amen. Good to be in the house of the Lord here, Salt Church. I kind of snuck in here last Sunday and checked you out a little bit here. I was incognito just to get a feel for the feel for the land here of where I'm coming to speak.

Being single there, I'm just curious, how many singles do I have in here today? Just it came out for, all right, all right. How many of you are dating but not married? A couple with that? Okay.

And everybody else is married. Okay. Well, this is for everybody here. And when I talked to pastor about this whole talking about singles and things and like, Lord, what do you want me to share with that? I mean, I haven't been married.

I've come close a couple of times to marriage, but it never went to the altar. And I'll share some of that in my story. But it's been a journey for me on learning how to walk with God and being single. And especially in today's culture, there's such a need, you know, that you always get the questions. How many get the questions, you know, when they find out you're not single?

Well, are you looking for anybody? You know, or are you interested? Oh, I can fix you up with somebody. I have the perfect person, you know, or I'm going to pray that God sends you a mate or send you a spouse, you know? I mean, we've all encountered that need.

And I've gotten to the point now, I mean, I've always heard those questions. And now I get to the point when I have friends like, I want to fix you up with somebody. I'm going to pray. You know, I got the perfect person. I said, don't do that.

I said, because the person you pray for me, and I get in the relationship with, they're not going to like you. They said, you need to dump that idiot. I'm tired with it. And you're going to lose me as a friend. So you don't want to pray for that.

You know, and they kind of back off a little bit with that. And it's, and it's sad. Yeah. I want to say, what is it about being single that intimidates people that are married, you know? And it's like, what's intimidating about that?

And I just, I flip it back on that because there's no condemnation because I've gotten to a place to learn singles. You're not really single. You're complete in Christ Christ and you're betrothed to the Lord. You know, when we become Christians, when we confess with our mouth and believe in our hearts that Jesus died on the cross and we enter into that relationship, guess what? He gives you an engagement ring called the Holy Spirit of that promise.

So you're betrothed to the Lord as a single. Now, any of you that are married, when you were kind of in that dating and you went to the marriage phase, you know, how would you have liked it when you were engaged? If your fiance, you know, guy or girl was checking out the opposite sex, you're like, whoa, whoa, back up. What's up with this here? You know, ain't I enough for you?

You wouldn't appreciate it because you're supposed to be everything to that person. Well, Holy Spirit's no different. It's like, look, you know, Jesus, I want to send you another, a comforter, a helper, a counselor. You know, you're not alone, but I find in when I've talked with single is part of the problem is they don't know how to connect with God. It's like, I have a head relationship with the Lord, but I've never experienced him in my heart.

And so that's why I felt like the Lord just landed. It's like, let's look at the heart. You know, how many got a car in here? How many drivers do I have? You know, when you're driving along, you got the dashboard and it'll pop up, you know, tire pressure, go check your tire, oil light will come on.

You know, it's got that little warning signals that tell you different things in the car and you'll take it to the mechanic and he'll, you know, used to be in the days, some of you old enough to remember when you go pull into the gas station, you know, they'll pump the gas for you and then they'll check your oil for you and kind of like do a quick checkup, clean off the windows and down the road you go. You know, today we kind of self-serve. We have to do that. But you need to think of your heart like the engine of a car. And there's some of you in here, you haven't checked the oil in a long time.

Your tire pressure's low, your window's messed up, you have no vision, you know, and you're going to pull up in your clunker here that you haven't taken care of and get into a dating relationship and they have a beat up car, you know, but you're, oh, they're so perfect for me and everything. And then you enter that covenant and you get both names signed to the title of the car. And then when you get in, it's like this thing ain't got no heat. The windows don't roll down. You know, the headlights don't work, you know, I got me a Dutch, you know, I got me a lemon.

The Lord's like, no, let's work on our heart there and get healthy so that, you know, you move from a position of I need this person, which is a lie in the sense because you're looking for, they will complete me. How many of you ever heard that? She completes me, he completes me. No, you're completing Christ. You're completing the Lord first.

No one completes you except Christ. They might compliment you, but they don't complete you. So I just wanted to share some things I've had to walk through. I don't have it all together. I'm open for a relationship, but I'm not seeking it out.

There's a difference, you know, I believe God in your time and it'll bring, you're going to bring the right person here who has been working on their heart issues just as much as I, because I don't want to enter into a relationship with somebody I have to fix. You know, I want them to be healthy enough that we have some components to talk about because I have counseled individuals that have walked through marriage, divorce, right into remarriage again, or never been married and went into marriage to married, I'm now divorced, you know, all different aspects to singles looking. And sadly, and in my own journey of inner healing, I've seen a lot of different things that God has had to walk me through with phases. And so I kind of want to share some of that. And the first is about the family.

You know, everybody in this room has a different story where you came from. You know, some of you might have good parents, some of you might have had single parents, some might have had safe parents, some of you might, parents didn't go to church, maybe there was abuse in your home, maybe you're a single child, maybe there was multiple child, all different ingredients that taught you how to relate the way you do. Some of it healthy, some of it not healthy. But I found when I was in seminary, I had to do a, I had a prayer. Pre-marital counseling course, and my final project was, I had to create a eight-week curriculum of pre-marital counseling, and I had to do a PowerPoint presentation and then take some engaged couples through that.

So part of my project is I went out and interviewed couples that had been married for six months to been married for 50 years. And I said, what is it that you learned the hard way that you wish you would have known before you got married? And then I compiled all of that, and I developed this curriculum called The Journey of Romance. Two people walking with God together. And so I'm gonna pull some of that out that I think is gonna apply to us as singles, and also for you that are married or you that are dating.

And one of the aspects is the family. Now what do I mean by family? Well in the natural we have learned some things, and there's woundings. You know the Bible talks about the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. But Jesus says, I've come that you have life and have it more abundantly.

Paul also talks about these flaming arrows that come at us. These are the slings. The wounds are things that come and affect our heart that causes us to have a false belief and judgment against those that hurt us. What do I mean by that? Well I'll give you an example of me growing up, my own story.

My parents divorced when I was 10. My mother dated a man behind my father's back and told us kids, if you ever tell your father I'm seeing this man, you'll never come live with me. She also used to tell me repeatedly, your father doesn't love you. Your father doesn't love you. Your father doesn't love you.

You know, so I'm hearing this, and then with dad not being, you know, a huggy, lovey, touchy person, never verbalizing I love you, there were some beliefs that began to form in my heart. And one of the judgments was the woman's gonna cheat on you. She's gonna leave you. You know, I had some things about my mom, and my dad is like distant. He's not, he's not there.

He's unapproachable. I'm a little kid, but these are messages in my heart. And then I find the Lord at 14. He actually, he finds me. A little town called Swan Quarter, North Carolina.

There's a whole nother story about that. You know, the whole ugly duckling being born again into the beautiful swan. And so when I became a Christian, and I would hear people talk about, you know, Father God loves you. Father God loves you. Well, I hear that.

It goes down into my heart, but my heart belief is the Father is distant. So God seemed like he was in a galaxy far, far away. And in the natural, I felt like I had to earn Dad's approval because I wasn't comfortable at rest in his love. So I'm doing stuff, and then I come into the church, and I have to work. I feel like I have to work in order to earn God's favor and approval with that.

And it was a false belief because how we related to our parents filters how we relate to God the Father. Like, I can talk to somebody, and if you're talking to an individual, and we have the Trinity, Father, Son, Holy Spirit. If there's a father issue or wound, you're going to have a problem relating to Father God. If there's a problem connecting with Holy Spirit, there's probably an issue with your mom. If there's a problem believing or connecting with Jesus, he's my friend, then there's probably some sibling or friendship wounds.

I guarantee you one of those ties into how I relate to the whole Trinity with that. And so how this would play out coming into a marriage relationship, I think of an individual I talked to who, his story, he wasn't really close to his mom. There's some issues with that. He had a father who had anger issues, you know, but his spouse that he was married, her father had a drinking problem, and left. And so the two get married, and all of a sudden the drinking comes up on his issue.

They start drinking a lot, and I'm saying, you know, this is going to be an issue. But she's going to wake up three years from now and say, oh my gosh, I married an alcoholic. Because those wounds will trigger back in, and it reinforces. And there's a good ministry called Elijah House Prayer Ministry. It'll take you about, it's a very intense training that goes into that very aspect of the things of the heart and how to bring healing, him.

So, but I found with singles, we don't, most singles don't work on our heart issue until you get into the engagement. And you go, and you swap the rings, you, will you marry me? And now you meet with the pastor, and then we have premarital counseling. And I find most people, that's the first time you pop open the hood, check under the hood, look at the heart. How do you communicate?

What's your personality style? How's your finances? You know, what's your sexual expectations and all of that? And it's like, I'm hoping that, you know, they hope they put a bandaid on it, and they think, well, he's so great. She's so wonderful.

We just love each other. And pastor talked about that last week, you know, said you get the honeymoon phase. And then after about a month that wears off, reality sets in, it's like, oh my gosh, you know, I've, I've married a monster, you know. Because think about it, you know, singles don't think about it. Couples that have been married, you had a real harsh reality.

When you're single, you're thinking, oh my gosh, if I get married, I can have, you know, for the guys, like, I can have all the sex I want, you know, for the young guys and think that's great. Yeah, wait until kids come into the picture, you know, and you got bills to pay, you got to clean the house and things like that. It's like, it don't happen. I don't know how many guys that was a wide awakening delusionment because that was their perception, you know. Or this is my best friend, we do everything together.

And you get married and all of a sudden she's upset because he doesn't want to watch the cooking channel with, you know. He's disappointed because she doesn't want to go bass fishing with him. You know, because you put all your eggs in the one basket, this person completes me for everything. And you exclude your single friends. And they're disconnected with that.

And I see this as a really a slight to the singles in the church. In a sense because we're single here and then one of our friends get married and then there's a disconnect and you come into a church body and it's like there's a hierarchy. There's the singles group, you know, there's the kids ministry, there's the youth ministry, and then the singles is like the island of misfit toys. You know. And learning to integrate them.

I hear an amen back there. I see that. Because when we accepted Christ, I mean, Psalm 68, it says he sets the lonelies in families. We were put into a family of God. And, you know, as a single, I can look and say, you are my brothers and you're my sisters.

And how do I relate? And how do I relate? And I'm saying, you know, let's go and I can look and see, I'm a little bit ...to that. Your pastor and the pastor's wife, this is the spiritual parents, the spiritual dad, spiritual mom.

I've worked with many leaders who've had people come into the church and anybody who has a daddy issue and the natural is going to take it out on the pastor. Well, he didn't say hi to me. He didn't shake my hand today. He didn't take my phone call. He didn't text me.

You know, my dad doesn't text me. He doesn't take my phone call. You know, my dad, the pastor doesn't love me there and next thing they're fending out the door, you know, or you know, you have the spiritual mom, you know, well, I can't believe she wore that today. She didn't compliment my hair. She didn't talk about makeup tips with me and whatever issue you have with your mom, you take it out with her.

And that's a good sign like, wow, I got to check into the hood because whatever is not healed is getting triggered when I come into the body of Christ. And let me just say something right now, you will never find a perfect place. You'll never find a perfect church because we're imperfect. You know, and we get offended and we take our little, you know, fine. I just go down the street right now, you know, and well, guess what?

As soon as you get there, that house is imperfect because you ain't, you own a wreck. You need to get yourself healed up and get in check out the hood. Quit taking your baggage somewhere else. I mean, and I'm speaking, I'm not, I'm preaching to the choir because I've done that myself, but God had to walk me through that. And, and just what I didn't get in the natural, he's like, I'm going to send you spiritual dads.

The first time I was at one church and I'm just learning about the term inner healing. I'm just learning about things of the heart. You know, I always heard, okay, you got Jesus, you're saved. Everything's done. He's like, no, no, I don't microwave you.

A lot of Christians want to be microwaved, instant sanctification, instant healing. God's like, no, I'm a crock pot. I'm going to take a long time and I'm going to add a lot of ingredients into it. And you're going to have your own flavor, but it's going to be on my timetable, not yours. You know, because we try to lay hands on ourselves and pray for healing, you know, it ain't going to work.

And so he had a, there was a gentleman who's an elder and I'm never forget. He came up and gave me a big old hug, you know, and I'm like, why is he touching me? Why is this person hugging me? You know, but that was his heart. He was a father and God had a breakthrough.

It's like, your father never hugged you. I'm going to send spiritual dads into your life to learn how to receive it as a son, a father's embrace to learn, you know, and he sent spiritual mothers into my path to learn spiritual moms, you know, so that to break that filter that I had of my own upbringing that filtered how I've related to others. He brought spiritual brothers and sisters into my life to kind of teach me. This is how brothers and sisters are supposed to be. Singles, how many of you hate holidays, coming to church on holidays?

Anybody here? I used to hate coming to the holidays. Yeah, I see one or two, be honest. You know, Christmas, Thanksgiving, you're sitting there and you're looking at church and see everybody sitting together. I did that.

I judged like, oh man, I wish that my family was like that. Oh, I wish that, I bet they got their act together. Look how, man, that's awesome and everything. And I used to hate that because I was always, my filter, what I didn't have, I was projecting what I perceived other people had. And God had to take me through a journey with that when my own dad, this was years, my, before I had a disconnected relationship with him.

He was dating somebody and all we heard was his praising, you know, Donna's son and how great his son is and everything. And me and my older brother like, do you like us? What's wrong with us? I mean, you know, all we hear is praise, but we're never hearing that from you. And it was, uh, the Lord had a break down in my heart, said, look, your mom and dad, they need me just as bad as you do.

So you need to see through the lens that they are in need of my touch. And when you get that and allow my heart to come, it's going to switch. And he had to work that. And the first time I heard about my dad's alcoholism, I began to break down and cry and I'm wiping my teeth. God, what's, what's going on with that?

And I'm just bawling. And he's like, it's like, I had God's heart for my dad. And he's like, I couldn't show that to you early because you would have judged him. But now you have my heart for him, you know? So there's, so I would leave you forgiveness, working on forgiveness.

They're not perfect. Whatever it is, I would say, just work on forgiveness. Lord, I forgive my mom. I forgive my dad. And then make a list of things that you need to ask forgiveness.

Release that. Quit letting it rob your heart because that's filtering how you relate to others coming into the house, trying to, it's like that umbilical cord. Who can I plug into today? You know, will you feed me? Will you feed me?

Y'all know them. Y'all know you did something just like you're drained and you don't want to be around that person because you find them very draining because they're coming in with that need and they don't know how to get that need met from God. So let's bring them to the Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit. I'm good, Pastor.

We're good. Holy Spirit. Um, I got two hours left. Amen. I love that.

Holy Spirit's awesome. Now I heard about Holy Spirit, but I didn't know how to talk to Holy Spirit. I didn't know how to relate the Holy Spirit. I mean, I, I had to go from the Baptist days, mind you, you know, where we didn't raise our hands and that, you know, until I, I come to Pentecostal circles, you know, and then I, I kind of worked my way up from here to here, you know, to, you know, to kind of like that, you know, is that progressive praise with that and learning that baptism of, of that. And here's the cool thing.

God, I find Holy Spirit has the best sense of humor. He's, he's, I chuckled myself. I was like, you're so funny, Lord. I remember, um, you know, this is the Lord teaching me from needing to be around people because I didn't know how to be alone and I didn't know how to be alone with God. And so I would try to live my life with God through other people because I didn't believe he's going to speak to me.

So I, how that worked, I'd go up to others and, uh, could you pray for me about this? Could you pray for God about this? Could you ask the Lord about that? Cause I didn't believe he's going to speak to me, but yet the Bible tells us my sheep hear my voice. I had a head knowledge, but I hadn't had a heart encounter with that.

Yeah. And so the Lord had a breakthrough. It's like, I need to show you who you are and how I see you. And he, and, and I had someone to pray with me. He said, Lord, open his eyes and let him see how you seem in the spirit realm.

And I remembered I had spent a good time on the carpet that time there as the Lord began to do heart surgeries. This is how I see you. And this was back during the days where there was just a great outpouring of the presence of the Lord and people were flocking to Toronto, Canada. And, uh, I, I did up, I went up to Canada a couple of times and I'm sitting there looking at people getting touched by God, you know, and I'm like, you know, where, where's my touch? You know what I mean?

That one's laughing. And that one's having a good time, and that one's getting touched, and I'm kind of feeling like a second-rate citizen. And the Lord kind of broke, said, are you coming to me like a Santa Claus to get some gifts? Or are you coming just because you want to be with me? I said, ouch, Lord, stepping on my toes.

Okay, I repent, Lord. I want to be with you, not for what you give me, but just so I can spend time with you. And when I did, it flipped, and it's like the presence of the Lord came. He said, you come out with the right heart attitude. So this was a Labor Day weekend.

I was washing, waxing my car, and I'm burning up my phone. Hey, what you doing? Let's get together. Hey, what you doing? Let's get together.

Hey, what you doing? And I went through a whole list, and everybody had plans on Labor Day but me. And it's like about 2 o'clock in the afternoon, and I'm discouraged. Like, I need to be doing something with somebody, and I can't be alone. That's still that alone thing.

And the Lord's like, I know somebody you hadn't talked to. I said, ooh, who, Lord? He said, you haven't asked me. Oh, okay, Lord. Well, what do you want to do today?

And he's like, let's go to Busch Gardens. I had a season's pass. I'm like, well, okay. So I hop in my car and put the worship music and drive two hours down to Busch Gardens and park my car, and I get in the theme park. I'm riding the roller coasters, and I'm kind of talking to the Lord.

And on the way out, I was like, stop in this bookstore, and I want you to get this book right here. And I picked up this book he had and hop in my car, and I'm driving back. I said, Lord, that, what, was I crazy? What was I doing? He said, no.

You were around thousands of people today, but you didn't feel alone because your focus was on me. And I wanted to teach you that you're not alone when you focus on me. You'll experience my presence, and you won't feel out of place and alone. And it was the most valuable lesson of learning, how do I be alone with God? I'm not alone.

He said, I'll never leave you nor forsake you. Now, think about that scripture. I'll never leave you nor forsake you. That means whatever situation, whatever problem, whatever thing you're facing, the Lord is right there. He doesn't walk away.

He's right there. But do you recognize him and ask him, God, what do you want to say in this situation? What do you want to speak about this problem? What insight do you want to give me? Because he's a counselor.

He knows you, and he knows the person you're having a problem with or the issue. But here's the, our problem is we make the issue an idol. So your single is like, Lord, shall I marry this person? Oh, she's so pretty. Oh, gosh, Lord, you know, or he's so handsome.

He's so cute. Is that the right one? And I call this praying with an idol on your heart. So here's the Lord. Here's, I'm talking to the Lord and here's this relationship or whatever.

And I lift this up and I'm, I'm putting my prayer. My prayer is going through that person to God, but I've exalted them. So whatever the Lord is speaking is going to be filtered by what I've exalted. So it's going to be muddied. So praying the altar is like, Lord, I need to take this relationship or this problem and lay it down.

So I have a clear connection to you. What do you want to say about this right here? So this hasn't been exalted. I've laid it down. And I could clearly hear you say about yay, nay, run for us, run, run fast, you know, or whatever that is.

I get a clear picture. So if you've got somebody you've been idolizing, you need to lay that down and get a clear word from the Lord. So you hear his heart, not your desire through that thing that you've exalted. I found that a lot with people that are doing that on just don't know how to like lay it down. Get your identity from the Lord.

Know who God, God, how do you see me as a single man? How do you see me as a single woman? You know, and don't stuff who you are created to be. You know, we'll talk a little about the sex thing. But with that, hey, you know, it's sad.

You think sometimes a church setting is like, OK, yeah, if you're burning for passion or whatever, get married. But if you're not, you know, if you can't get married, it's like you're supposed to flip a switch and you're a monk or nun. And you're supposed to like somehow dull that down. You know, I mean, the poor woman out there that really just likes hot red lipstick, you know, and wants to wear something nice. She's not dressing to be on the street corner, but she thinks she's pretty.

But in the church setting is like, no, no, no, sweetheart, you can't dress like that. I mean, there's a difference if you're coming in here dressed like a Victoria, you know, lingerie model. Yeah, that's a little risque. We need to. Y'all ladies going to take her like we're going to have a talk about modesty, you know.

But you have to understand that, you know, there's there's some things going on in the heart of it's like if I'm driving around and I'm going into a church and it's like, oh, this is a great place to meet people. It's like a singles club. I went to one of those. They had like 120 singles and it was like the hookup zone. They go in there and they're like, yeah, they'd be worshiping and whatever like that.

And they're like, you know, saying in and, you know, checking out different people's like, oh, OK, I want to pray with her, you know, and I'm getting a small group of hers. I can pray. No, your heart's hearts in the wrong spot. Hearts in the right. You're like you're there to meet with the Lord there and have a healthy because singles, you don't know how.

How do I relate to my brothers and sisters? This is my family. How do I healthily relate and learn? It's OK, guys, it's OK to have friends with other girls. You know, girls, it's OK to have friends with other guys.

But you're going to need to know how to have some boundaries and what's appropriate and what's not appropriate. You know, and that it takes some time developing with that and learning how to hear God speak to your heart. And you hear him, you know, speak. And another thing that helped me is having a redemptive community here. I believe you'll have small groups, you know, redemptive community is a little bit like a small group.

You know, whatever topic that is, that's just the lure to get people. But a redemptive community is really about getting it small. It's intimate. Your sin's not pursued. It's your glory.

And you get to know a person's story. And what I mean by that, in church settings, I don't know where everyone's background with the church, but most of them heard about the word testimony. You know, let me give you my testimony where I have a three minute. This is what I did. And I met Christ.

And now here I am. But a person's story is like, I want to hear your life. What was it like growing up? What was it like when I was a teenager? Somewhere you made a decision of Christ, you know, and now I get a big panoramic view of your whole your life.

So if I'm your brother walking with you and there's an issue comes up, you know, maybe in that story, dad yelled out at me a lot. And when he yelled at me, I closed up. And now here I am an adult and my boss chews me out and I'm in a spiral and I'm your brother and I'm walking. And. I'm.

Like, you know, that sounds like the similar wound that your dad did growing up, that's really not about you. That's like the enemy trying to come and take your heart out. Let's get together and pray, and now I'm strengthened and encouraged, and you don't feel like you're battling alone. And that takes learning how to have redemptive community. And then those whole sexual desires that go, I had a teenager who struggled with pornography.

And he was told, read the Bible, pray, and you know, just don't look at it. And he still fell into the shame and condemnation because he kept falling into that trap. And here's how the Holy Spirit just kind of come on in, and dad, you know, heavenly father's like, I'm gonna rescue this guy from this. And so I asked a few questions. I said, what was it like growing up?

And he was a chunky little kid growing up. He's now a teenager, so he's stocky. He's not obese, but all his guy friends were athletes, ripped abs, and everything, and he wasn't like that. And all the girls liked the guys with the ripped abs, and he was just okay. Well, pain seeks pleasure.

So he felt like, girls won't like me unless I have ripped abs. So that kind of joined into his whole fantasy problem that led him into some bad actions. So it's not so much you're drawn into that. It's like, you don't have a healthy self-esteem and believe you're not worthy with who you are and how God made you because you're looking at how other people look like and think, I have to look like that to be accepted because you don't feel like you're accepted the way you are. So when God broke that and infused his self-esteem that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, you know, there's nothing wrong with me.

There's no mistakes, no accidents. My picture's on God's refrigerator. He loves me. He's adoring. I'm the apple in his eyes, you know.

I don't have to look like this person and that person because there's only one of me, you know. Then that broke that power that I don't have to go seek a counterfeit. I can walk in the real. And then whoever is drawn to me is drawn to the real, not to the phony. So learn how to be healthy and how God built you and made you.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Don't buy into this garbage the world's trying to sell you that you have to buy a certain lipstick, drive a certain truck, wear certain clothes, you know, get this or that to compete with who? I mean, I could tell you a guy who he didn't have any friends growing up and then he sees them all doing Instagram and doing selfies with their couples and everything. And I'm going to be, you know, miserable and old man before I'm 30. I need somebody just so I can put pictures on Instagram and fake book.

You know, I mean, learn who you are as a beloved son or beloved daughter in God. I have more I can share, but pastor, give me that wink, you know, like with that. But yeah, so just get a healthy family, learn how to hear from God, walk with God, get yourself in a redemptive community there and enjoy the journey. You know what? It's awesome.

As singles there, learn how to be flexible. And if you have married friends, like I have most of my friends are married, believe it or not. I have some single friends, but most of my friends are married. And how I'm able to have married friends is like I'm not just friends with the husband. I'm friends with the wife because the two come together, you know, and so I'm Uncle Cliff to a lot of those couples.

I'm Uncle Cliff to their kids. I'm able to come alongside and bless them and say, hey, you know, talk to the husband. Let's take the kids. We'll go to Wish Gardens. We're going to the movies.

We're, you know, and I come alongside to help. And I view my time as a gift. People say, how can you be a single so long? And don't you want somebody? It's like, I'm content with the Lord right now.

I'm open when she comes, but I'm not seeking it because right now this is my ministry. And I view being single and that time I have as a gift on where I can invest that in and who I can undergird and strengthen, you know. But on the flip side of that, singles, you need to have a boundary. Don't overdo it and burn yourself out. And I'll close with one last story.

I remember one church I went to, the pastor's wife. How many of you still have a hard time saying no to a pastor's wife? I mean, you know, this one pastor wife, she'd always said, we need someone to work in children's church again. Can you help? You know, and, you know, I did a youth Sunday school.

I did soundboard. I'm doing this. Okay. You know, and I'm doing four things on a Sunday. And I, and I always had the hard time saying no.

And she always sought me out. You know, Cliff, could you do children's church again? They called in sick. The kids need you, you know. And, you know, I had to get some prayer ministries.

Like, what is about that? Well, here's how it was. I, my mom, when I'd say no to my mom, she would manipulate me and make me feel guilty for saying no. So the lie was, if I say no, I will not be loved. And I had to break that power and that agreement that it's okay to say no to some things because I need to take care of my heart and not get overburned out there.

So the next time she came and said, Miss Diane, I love you. So I can't do that. That's okay. You know, I'm like, really? You know, but it was free in there.

So I have so much more I can share with you there, but I hope these will kind of help encourage you. If you're single, you know, keep walking with the Lord, uh, and believe if, if God brings it in, you'll have a healthy perspective or at least work on having a healthy heart to have a healthy view before you enter into a relationship. And if not, enjoy your relationship with the Lord because you are fearfully and wonderfully made. And I'm, uh, with that, turning over to the pastor here. Amen.

Wow.