The Vow of Priority

Vows. Gosh, I am excited about this series. And it's also challenging for me because when I study this stuff, it really makes me think about my relationship and what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong. And listening to the experts when I study this and look in the Bible and see what God has to say about it.

So, obviously Valentine's is right around the corner. And we all want great marriages. We want great relationships. Our dreams from a young age is to have, mostly if you're a woman, probably to have a family, to have 2.5 kids, to have a dog, to have a nice house.

You think, you look at it as an episode of Leave it to Beaver. You know, you're thinking, wow, one day, some of you are like, Leave it to Beaver? And you're, you know, you're looking that up on your phone. What is Leave it to Beaver? An old show, old family show.

But we see life like that, you know. Like, one day I want to be there. I think this is going to be marriage. And as we know, when we enter into marriage, when we enter into relationships, there's always ups and there's always downs. And it's not as easy as you think it is.

So, we want to dig into this because, you know, really nobody comes, you know, 10 years down the road and says, you know, I dreamed about being divorced. I dreamed about, you know, not working out this relationship. I dream, nobody says that, right? Nobody goes back and says, you know, I wanted to be married three times at this point. Nobody says, I'm 50 or 60 years old and I'm not married at this time and I don't know.

Nobody, that's not people's dream. But God has a greater dream for you. He wants something far more for you. And whether you've been married, whether you're planning to be married one day, and maybe you've made a mistake in your marriage, you have, and God's given you a second chance, you can have a marriage that will stand the test of time. The ups and downs, the ins and outs.

You can have that kind of marriage. But it starts with a foundation. It starts with a biblical foundation. And if you're a believer today, this will be great for you. This will encourage you.

This will strengthen you. If you're not a believer, if you're kind of trying to figure out this Jesus thing, you're not quite sure yet? Well, you know, just give it a chance. Listen to what God has to say about it. Perhaps you can take something with you.

So, did y'all know that God is a God of vows? A God of promises? The definition of vows, we all know vows from our marriages, the marriage ceremonies, yada yada. You know these things. We say these things.

We recite these things. We've got these good words. Till death do us part, right? We know all those things. But a vow is simply a pledge.

A promise. A promise. But let me say this. We live in a time where promises aren't kept. You know it.

I know it. And even friends will let us down. The closest people will let us down. Because promises don't seem to stand these days. Somebody can say, I promised something.

And they won't follow through with that promise. But the thing about God is, He's a God of promises. And every promise that He makes stands the test of time. Because He's never changing. He is never redirected.

He does not lie. He does not confuse. When He makes a promise, He keeps those promises. And Christian theology, we call that the immutability of God. God is a never changing God.

And in Numbers 23, 19, it says this. And this is where the prophet Balaam was arguing with Balak about cursing Israel. And God comes back and he says, I'm not going to curse Israel. I'm going to bless Israel. And he couldn't understand it.

And here's what Balaam said. God is not human that He should lie. Not a human being that He should change His mind. He does. Does He speak and not act?

Does He promise and not fulfill? God is a God of promises. He does not change. And every promise, every vow that God made in the Bible stands the test of time. It's true.

Scripture reveals God's eternal love for us. A love that never fails. And God chose us. John 17, 24, Ephesians 1, 4, and 5. He died for us.

Romans 5, 8. And He will never leave us. Hebrews 13, 5. In fact, nothing can separate us from the love of God. I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor debt nor debt, nor any else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, our Lord, as it's written in Romans.

It also says He will supply us all of our needs. He makes a promise for us that one day He will prepare a place for us. God is full of promises. And I can guarantee you this. When He says something, He means it.

And He will follow through with it. People can fail you, but God will never fail you. People can hurt you, but God will never hurt you because He wants the best for you and your relationship. So that starts with God. What is God?

Who is God? What is He about? He is a God of promises. He is a God of vows. And He makes a vow and He keeps it.

And He proved it. John 15, 13. This isn't in your notes. I've got a lot of scripture here today because I couldn't fit it on your card, but if you want to write these down. What greater love is it than a man to lay down his life for a friend?

Jesus laid his life down. What greater love? What greater vow than Jesus laying down His life for a friend? He is making promises. He is fulfilling His promises.

God is always working on you, me, everything around us. When He says something, it stands the test of time. And we need to translate this down into our relationships, into our marriages, into our dating relationships. As the Song of Solomon says, or the Song of Songs, I love this book because it represents not only the love between a beloved and a husband, or a soon-to-be husband, but it also communicates the love that God has for us. This undying love.

So it's got, it's a two-fold message. So the Song of Songs, there's just one scripture there that I love. And a lot of people use it in their marriages and use it in their vows. And I want to kind of have this be our overarching theme for our vows series. It says, place me like a seal over your heart.

Like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death. Now, the context of this is, this is a madam, a beloved, speaking to her beloved, her love. So it's like this love letter thing going on. So she's talking to Him.

She's praising Him. And she says, like a seal on my arm. For love is as strong as death. It's jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire.

Like a mighty flame. It's the power. The power of love. The power of a promise. Now, in context, when we talk about a seal here, it's particularly, in this day, it was seen as a sigma or a ring that was placed on someone's hand.

So you had somebody, a man would walk around with this proud ring or this emblem on them, and they held that close to them. It was pretty important. It was like, hey, I'm the, I'm the, you know, a macho, you know, this is mine. This is who I, look, look at me. It symbolized something that, that they belong to, perhaps a family or royalty or whatever that, whatever it is.

And she is, is calling out to her beloved saying, I would want you, I want you to make a vow to me. I want to be the seal over your heart, the seal on your arm. And it burns like a flame. It burns like a fire. And it holds the test of time because he says this, many waters cannot quench love.

Rivers cannot sweep it away. The roaring rivers, the water, nothing can sweep away this love. If one were to give all the wealth of one's house for love, it would be utterly scorned. No money, no power, no, nothing, nothing. Till death do us part.

This is the promise that God makes, and this is God's hope for you in your relationships. Vows that test the sands of time. Could we have this kind of love? Absolutely. Absolutely.

And I want to talk about some promises over the next four weeks, some, some vows that we can make and we can explore over the next few weeks. And a lot of this material is taken from Jimmy Evans. There's a book called The Marriage Rock that was written in 94, 1994. It's a little dated, but it has some great material there. If you get a chance to look him up, this material is great.

So I pulled a lot of material from that. But in the next week, next week, if you're following your notes, in the second blank there, we're going to talk about the vow of pursuit. And that should be a fun one, pursuing someone, the one you love. And third week, we're going to deal with the vow of partnership, partnering together in our relationship and marriage. And that's so important today because we have a lot of people that aren't partners.

They don't feel like they're partners. They feel like they're separate, and we want to talk about those things. And then the final week, we're going to talk about, and all the teenagers and everybody needs to be here for this one, is the vow of purity. It's so important that we talk about this, the vow of purity. So we're going to do that in week four.

But this week, I want to talk about the vow of priority. The vow of priority. So most everybody here has watched Disney movies. You've read fairy tales, right? And one of the chief things that comes out of that is usually it's a princess or a prince or something.

It's a relationship that's being formed, right? And usually it's the princess, and sometimes it might be the prince. But they're looking for the one. The one. I want to find the one.

I'm looking for that one person, that one perfect person. And we read that, and we think about that, and we dream about that, right? We want that one. One, well, what if I were to say this? What if you were looking for the two?

For the two. So there's two questions I want to ask today. Obviously, there's a number two you're looking for, but there's a number one we need to focus on first. And if you're following your notes, is God your number one? Is God your number one?

Is he the one you seek first? Is he your closest relationship? Do you put your trust in him? Do you go to him? Do you seek him?

Do you? And it's more than just seeking him. It's walking with him and being a friend with him and being. He is the lover of your soul. Is God your number one?

Matthew 22 says this. And in context of this scripture, there were religious leaders that wanted to get Jesus. They were asking him all kinds of questions. They were always trying to put him in, pigeonhole him to answering something in a certain way. He already dealt with the Sadducees, which was one sect or one group of religious leaders.

And they kind of walked away, man, this guy is really good. I can't, I can't get him. The Pharisees come in and they say, I'm going to get him. I'm going to ask him this. Because all the commandments in the, in the Testament, in the Old Testament at that time was the Testament.

All the Jewish law, these commandments, they all stand. They're all equally as important. So they asked Jesus, they said, teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law? And Jesus replied instantly. He said, love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.

This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like this. Love your neighbor as yourself. All the law of the prophets hang on these two commandments. Meaning all the law, all the commandments, everything we read in the Old Testament, everything hangs on this.

Because we can actually pull everything up under these two commandments. First, love the Lord and then love others. Love the Lord and love others. So my question is, first of all, do you love the Lord? Do you love God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind?

Are you seeking, number one, God? And then number two. Let me say this, if you're single here and you're searching for the one. Can I ask you this? Do you already have your number one?

While you're searching for your number two? Because the greatest thing you can do for yourself is focus on your number one. While you are searching for your number two. Craig Groeschel says it like this. You need to make that statement.

I will seek the one while preparing for my two. So seek God first. If you're looking for your one, you need to change that one. Switch that one and start focusing on him, the one. Focus, fix your eyes on him.

And I promise you, God is going to show you some things. Andy Stanley says it like this, and I love this. Become the person you are looking for is looking for. Are you the person that you're looking for is looking for? I know that's kind of confusing and crazy.

Think about it for a second. Are you making yourself, are you working on your relationship with God? Are you working on where you are in your walk with Jesus during this season of life? If you're focused too much on the one, then you have a danger of doing two things. Because here's what happens in relationships.

When someone starts taking the one or the two, the number two, and making it the number one, we begin to lift that person, raise that person up into a position that they're not qualified to be. It was never intended for us to have a number one outside of God. So when we make God number one, I mean, when we make our relationship, our husbands, our wives number one, which we have a tendency to do in a lot of relationships, they're number one and God's number two. But when we do that, here's what happens. In a dating relationship and then on through marriage, and we begin to idolize them.

When we make them number one, we begin to idolize them. And guess what happens when we idolize them as number one, when we put them up as number one? They disappoint us, right? I mean, and then we begin to demonize them, right? Later on in our marriages and our relationships, the...

The more we grow close to each other, the more we learn about each other, right? And it isn't, so leave it to beaver. Oh, I like, he's so laid back. He's so cool. He just gets along with everyone.

He's just easy, easy going. And you're talking about that, and then when you get married, he's so lazy. He doesn't take anything serious. She's so driven. She just gets things done.

She's just got a lot. She's so smart. She's so detailed. And then when you're married, I wish you would stop being so detailed. Stop looking at every little thing.

Stop. Just slow down. Settle down. Let's just chill out for a few minutes, right? We start, when we idolize someone other than God, we begin to demonize them.

And God doesn't want you to either, doesn't want you to idolize, nor does he want you to demonize someone. In fact, did you know that God is a jealous God? In fact, his name is jealous. Scripture says his name is jealous. In Exodus 34, 14, it says, Do not worship any other God, for the Lord, whose name is jealous, is a jealous God.

Now, I remember when I first read that scripture, I was like, man, that's not good. God's a jealous God. Because in our culture, jealousy is not seen as a, seen as a positive term. It's a negative term. It's a term of anger.

It's a term of selfishness. Things like that. A jealous, jealous God. But there's a righteous jealousness or jealousy that God has for people. And I like to call it a legitimate jealousy.

Jealousy means tolerant of any rivalry. God is a jealous God because he opposes that which rivals a relationship with him. And that translates down to marriage. I remember a talk show host, a popular talk show host, saying that they grew up a Southern Baptist and eventually fell away from the Lord just by reading this statement of jealousy. That I don't want to serve a jealous God, but you have to understand the goodness and wholeness of God and his jealousy is a righteous jealousy.

And he understands that idolatry is not good for us. And when we get our priorities out of whack, the jealousy factor steps in and it translates into failed relationships. So is God your number one? Is his priority your priority? Are your priorities lined up with his priorities?

Secondly, is your spouse your number two? So we deal with the jealousy thing. God understands he doesn't want anything to replace him, not even a spouse. But he also requires there to be a number two in your life. And it reflects a natural jealousy, a legitimate jealousy that God puts inside us related to marriage.

And the Bible says God is jealous when he allows something in our lives to take his place. And in marriage, the spouse has that same kind of jealousy. It translates down. So God's trying to teach us something here, right? In marriage, a husband or wife will naturally become jealous when something begins to replace them.

This can be anything. This can be a career. If your career is replacing your number two. A job. A hobby.

A hobby. A hobby. Now when we first started Salt Church, it was interesting. We met in a brewery. We had a small congregation of people.

And we were asking God, who are we going to reach in this community? Because we wanted to do something different. We didn't just, we know that churches here, there's great churches in this, in Hampton Roads. But I was called to this area. And what are we, what are we going to do different?

And we saw an oceanfront crowd that we felt wasn't being reached around the beach, around the oceanfront. And it wasn't anything necessarily strategic. But we noticed a certain demographic start to pour in. And it just kind of blew my mind away when I saw fifth, middle-aged men. Middle-aged men.

Surfers. Coming into the church. And I began to ask God, you know, they were just coming in. They just, just, you know, 20s and 30s of them. And, and I'm like, you know, usually it's the women dragging the men to church.

But the men were all coming in. And I'm like, what is going on here, you know? And I began to hear the stories of these men that were coming in. And, and, and what it was, a lot of them were at a crossroads in their life. They had crossed over in their 40s and 50s.

And they looked back at their life and they weren't married or they were divorced. Or, or they had kids and weren't able to, to, to be with their kids. And they were kind of looking over their lives. They'd come to a crossroads. And they'd realized that they had put something in the place of what God otherwise wanted.

They were without relationship with God. And therefore they put everything else. And, and in the surf world, I'm a surfer so I can relate to this. This is just a highly addictive nature to surfing. Just like, just like football.

Some of you love football. And you got to cut on the TV every time it comes on. Now it's over so you can kind of get a breather. For a little while anyway. Or you love sports.

Or you love golf. Man, my, my father-in-law loved golf so much that he would go every Sunday morning to play golf. He wouldn't go to church with, with, with my wife and, and my mother-in-law. And just a highly addictive nature to that. And when we, anytime we start putting things before our family, before our spouse.

And it reflects to God. And that's where that natural jealousy steps in. And what Satan wants to do is ruin your life. And he's going to ruin your life through idolatry. He's going to put something in your life to take your focus off your number two.

So God will be my number one. And, and, and my spouse will be my number two. It's, it means that way. It means the very same thing for your kids. People idolize their kids.

It's, um, um, um, Evan says this. He says, the satisfaction level of marriage often drops when children enter the picture. At this point, a woman typically turns her attention to the kids. While the husband turns his attention to his career. So, as our satisfaction level drops off.

It's because of the things that we place in place of God and our spouse. Now, don't get me wrong. Children are important. But they're not as important as your marriage. And if you want to love your children, you're going to invest into your marriage.

Because your kids are watching you. They're, they're growing. And they're, they're soaking it up. I mean, Savannah comes in every day saying something or, or that, that I said. Or, she heard me saying passing.

And I can't believe she's soaking all this information up. And it's important that we represent a great marriage before our children. Because children are a temporary assignment. As I, I spoke about last week as we dedicated a child. They're a temporary assignment.

A gift from God. But your spouse is your number two. God is your number one. You put your spouse before your children. And you put God before your spouse.

There's a principle that we use in the church, if you're a church person, called leave and cleave. We like to use that term all the time. You need to leave and cleave when you're married. You need to leave your mom and dad. And you need to cleave to your, to your, um, you need to, you need to leave and you need to cleave.

Then I want to be снова in Christ. Great. Sorry, I got a text on my iPad here from my wife in the back that's looking for plates. It threw me off there for a second. I got to learn to cut this thing off when I'm using my iPad.

Miranda, I don't know, go search behind this coffee station. You can cut that out later, George, okay. Totally threw me off. It's a blink right there on my iPad. Where are the plates?

I can't find the plates. Does she know I'm preaching up here? You're my number two, baby. But I got to speak for number one right now. Leaving and cleaving.

That comes from Genesis 2, 24. What happened in the beginning was God saw Adam was alone and needed a suitable helpmate. So God put him into a deep sleep and took a rib and formed a woman. That's where we get the woman. And he says this in Genesis 2, verse 24.

He says, That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife. And they become one flesh. That idea of leave, the root word in the Hebrew is loosen or relinquish. And what God is doing here is protecting our intimacy. The intimacy between two people.

It's taking that most important thing in your life, your parents, before you meet number two. That person that you put up as the most important people in your life. And you leave them and you cleave to the one that God puts into your life. And what's interesting about that is when he says this, he says, Leave your mother and father. A lot of people think he's talking to Adam and Eve.

But if you think about it, Adam and Eve didn't have a mother and father, did they? So who is he speaking to? He's speaking to us. He's speaking through the generations before us that God has ordained something, has placed something to protect our relationships. And God, he wants to protect or put a place, a hedge, if you want to call it that, over our relationships so we can have the best relationships ever.

So he protects us in those. So when you're dating or you're first married, you know, priorities are easy. You're a priority. You're a priority, honey. Let's go out and eat.

Let's go do this. And then when kids come along, you no longer have time. You no longer have time for each other. Your identity is your work and your image and things and all this stuff comes into your life and it takes your focus off of the priorities. And nobody on their deathbed says, man, I wish I'd worked a little more.

Or I wish I had a bigger house or I wish I had more clothes or a bigger, a nicer car. Nobody on their deathbed says that. It's usually God and family. God and family. He wants us to be jealous for our spouse in the same way.

Him first, our spouse second. And we should be before, our spouse should be before our children. I say this and I push this because children are such good things for us to have. But good things, if they're not prioritized correctly, can be disastrous. So that's why God places priority in our life.

God first, my spouse second. God first, my spouse second. My number one is God and my number two. So is God first? Is your spouse your second?

Those are the questions you need to ask yourself in your relationship. So we're going to make this promise today. And I want you just to read this with me and say this with me. I promise God will be my first priority and my spouse will be my second. Can you all say that with me?

I promise God will be my first priority and my spouse will be my second. Can you believe that? Now hold on to that. Are you just saying something like you did in marriage till death do us part? Because a lot of people don't believe that.

Promises aren't kept, right? Do you believe that? How do we protect our promises? How do we do this? I like, I like, I kind of jumped ahead and said protect our promises.

But the point I do want to make is what Jimmy Evans says is we need to protect our priorities. Protect our priorities. Protect our priorities. You need to, like, fight for your priorities. You need to fight for your wife.

You need to fight for God. You need to work and protect priorities. Ephesians 5.25 says this. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

I say that because I can speak to men. Love your wives as Christ loved church. How difficult is that, men? Because we're men. We're very practical.

We're very, you know, we're not so lovey-dovey, you know? Some of you may be a little more. I'll be honest with you. I have to work on that. I have to work on loving and kissing and hugging my wife and showing her affection and things like that.

Because I'm not naturally an affectionate person. I mean, honestly. I'm just, get it done. Do my thing. Go through my one, twos, and threes.

And life will be great. You know? Attention. Pay attention to your wife. So, I want to give you some practical things.

Let's get practical. God first and spouse. What do you need to do with God first and then spouse? First of all, if you're following your notes, you've got to protect those affections. It's your affections.

Your affections. You've got to grow closer to God affectionately, individually, before you can bring it into your marriage. A lot of times we are like, we've got to have God in the middle of our marriage to make it work. God's got to be center. And you're as far away from God as you can possibly be.

Because your personal relationship. You know, you can't make your wife, you can't make your husband, you can't make somebody grow closer to God. They have to make that decision themselves. You can preach at them. You can teach at them.

You can beat it in their head. This is the best for you. But they've got to make up their minds that they're going to grow closer to Christ. So, what do you do? You grow closer to Christ.

You work on your relationship. And if you work on your relationship, I bet you God will just do some amazing things in your marriage. He will begin to reveal some things in your spouse. Work on yourself first. Mommy gets the first kiss, not the kids, right?

Daddy gets the attention first. Do you want your children to succeed in marriage? Model it. Show them that they're first. A friend of mine shared with me, he was having a, he and his son, his son and his wife were having a little spat about something.

And his son was going off. He was about eight years old. And he was going off on his mom. And dad steps in, you know, and tells him, you're going to respect your mother, right? And he just goes off and off.

He says, hold on, hold on, hold on. I didn't pick you. You were given to me. I was like, wow. You were given to me.

You were a gift. But I didn't pick you. I picked her. I chose her. I chose her.

And you're going to respect her. Mommy gets the first. Attention, affection goes to the spouse first. Secondly, your schedule. Your schedule.

Your schedule. Make dates sacred on your calendar, guys. I mean, you put something on your calendar and don't consult with your wife, you know? And you're going out with the buddies tonight. You are your husband.

I'm going shopping. I'll see you later. Well, you didn't. Make them first. Make a date time every week and honor that.

Put it on your calendar. Work your schedule around it. When someone wants to plan something with me or sends me a text about, you know, let's get together or even calls me and say, hey, man, can we get together? I never put anything on the schedule right away. Why?

Because I need to consult with number two first. I need to talk to her and find out what's going on because I know that she's the most important thing on the schedule. And if it interferes with date time, it doesn't happen. And I notice at times when we get away from date night, things aren't going to happen. Things aren't so good.

Things aren't so good. Things are a lot better when we make time for each other. And when you're with each other, don't just talk about the kids and talk about your jobs and the church or whatever it is. Just have like silly conversations, you know, just about life and stuff. You know, have a good time.

I mean, we need to really work on our schedules and being together in our affections. The third thing I wrote down is your ministry. Your ministry. I think it's important to model for your family, your love for the Lord. So make church a part of your life.

Make it important. Make it a priority. Go to church together. Bring your kids to church. Model those things for your kids.

Work together in church. Show them that you care about the Lord and you love the Lord. Go to small groups together. Serve on a team together. Show your children how important God is to you.

And ministry doesn't come before your spouse. That's one thing that us pastors have a really hard time with, you know, because ministry is kind of our life and our calling and we just love it. But it doesn't come before your spouse. You do it with your spouse. They're a part of it.

Y'all do it together. Y'all decide what to do together. Y'all work for God together. Y'all do this thing called the Great Commission together. It's your ministry.

Your ministry has to be together. And then your commitment. Your commitment. A vow is a commitment. A vow is strong.

A promise. A vow is needed to be kept. God kept His promises. Every promise that He had in the Word. He's keeping.

If He hasn't fulfilled it yet, He's in the process of fulfilling it. And there's a lot of things He's just simply fulfilled. He's doing a great work through the vows He made to you. That promise that He will give you everlasting life if you just believe in Him. That you surrender to Him.

Marriage is a lifetime commitment. And you need to fight for it. You need to fight for it. Men, you need to pull out whatever you can. You're fighters.

You are to be fighters. You need to pull out the nunchucks or the sword or whatever. Whatever you want your spiritual weapon is. And you're like, I am fighting for my marriage. I am all in.

I'm going to do everything. I'm going to die for it. I'll die for this relationship. That's how serious you have to be. The commitment we have for our spouse.

Your role is to protect those priorities. We need to protect those priorities. Everything within our power. Lay down our lives. So I promise, God will be my first priority and my spouse will be my second.

That's the promise that you're making today. That's our first vow. God first, my spouse second. Protect these priorities at any cost. Because He laid down His life for you.

Because He loved you so much. Today is a day that God is speaking to somebody's heart right now. The Spirit of the Lord is here. And as we talk about these vows, perhaps you're somebody who's walked into church today. It's your first time in church in a long time.

And you're, I don't know why I'm here. I just felt drawn here. Something maybe struck you in the message. And you're like, man, I need to make a vow to God first. I can't even begin to look for my spouse or to love my spouse until I know God first.

And as a church, the reason we exist is so that people can know God. And you don't have to be embarrassed to say that you don't know God. Because that's why we're here. Because we want you to know Jesus. That He has made a vow for you.

He has made the vow, He has made every promise possible for you to live a life to the full. That's what Jesus says. I have come so that you may have life and life to the full.