Week 1: What’s a Family?

So, we are starting a new series this week called Our Imperfect Family, and this is going to be a great series. We've got a lot of different topics. We're going to talk about belonging to a spiritual family. We're going to talk about being good parents, hope for hurting parents, those who have older parents, those who don't have a spiritual family, what that really means. And then we're going to lead this message series all the way until Mother's Day.

It's going to be amazing, so you don't want to miss one week of this series. But to start off this series, I want to ask you a question or perhaps just show you a few screenshots of different shows from different eras, and this may date you a little bit. So, here's the first screen. We have The Brady Bunch, Waltons, Happy Days. How many of you remember that show, or those shows?

And yeah, that probably dates you a bit. The Brady Bunch, just this friendly, mixed family, or The Waltons, this country family, just they all get along so well. Happy Days, all the friends and family, the perfect family in the middle of these friends. And then in the 80s, we had, here we go, Family Ties, Growing Pains, The Cosby Show. How many of you remember The Cosby Show?

These perfect families. This is probably my most informative years when I started watching TV, or I'm old enough to really understand. I see these perfect families. They're just getting along perfect, and their problems are fixed within a day, and everything's so wonderful. And then we have, in the 90s, and this is probably when I really watched TV, and perhaps you did too, and we have Full House, and Step by Step, and Family Matters, and all these, Boy Meets World.

Here's Boy Meets World. All these different shows, again, just wonderful, lovely families. They all get along. They go work through their problems. They talk about things that they have to deal with in life, and yeah, we look at these families, but then this happened.

Married with children, and then it just all fell apart. We started getting a real idea of what family's like. And you know what? I'm not even going to go past the 2000s. Then you start seeing a downward trend in what a family sitcom looked like, with Everybody Loves Raven in the Middle, things like that.

We just kind of picked fun of family a little bit, because we did realize that families weren't perfect. And the comic of that time, and even up until now, it just seems that we like to pick on our imperfect families a little more, because we do understand that. But the truth is, the truth is, all of us have looked at some family, maybe it was a show, maybe... It was a real-life family, and we've compared ourselves to that family. And we said, I want to be that.

I want to be that mom. I want to be that dad. I want to have that mom. I want to have that dad. I want to have those children, those kids that get along or don't get along but fix problems.

We think that's family and that should be family and that there should be no problems. But the truth is, and the older I get, what we learn is that everybody has baggage. There's no perfect family. We all carry baggage. What's said to us as kids, the experiences in life we've had, and just because something looks put together on the outside doesn't show us the whole story.

I watched a documentary by Steve Martin just recently on Netflix, and those of you who are fans of Steve Martin know that back when he was a stand-up, he was just this very entertaining kind of crazy guy on stage with all these props, and he did all these things and made people laugh so loud and just from the heart. You know, he just, he was so good. He could pack out stadiums and just love those kind of documentaries. And what I didn't realize is that underneath what looked like a perfect career and a perfect life was not so perfect. In fact, his dad and him had a really interesting relationship.

Though he loved his dad, his dad wasn't good at encouraging or building up. And one of the people he worked with, one of his colleagues was at the show and helping out with the show, and it was the perfect show. Packed out crowd, everybody laughing. Such a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful event. And as he came off stage and went to his green room, his mother and father were waiting there for him.

And the first thing his father said was, you could have done that better this way, or you know what you could have done better? And that's been his whole life. Like, he never felt like he added up, and it just put a lot of strain on him and a lot of relationship issues in his life because his dad was so strict and his dad never approved of him. So even situations like that, we see that there's imperfections in our family. There's things that just don't look like the TV dad or the TV mom or the TV kids.

For me, I grew up in a pastor's family and had a great, wonderful Christian family. Loved my parents. They raised me well. I wouldn't be in ministry today if it wasn't for my parents, but growing up as a preacher's kid, you had a lot of expectations put on you that you couldn't really meet. That's just the reality sometimes of being a pastor's kid.

Every eye is on you. You've got to look perfect. And there was a lot of expectations put on me that I couldn't meet and a lot of critiques and criticisms that I grew up with, which caused a lot of insecurities for me today. And so what we say and what we do in our younger years particularly leave a lasting impression on our lives. It makes us who we are.

Our parents and the relationships we have in our families and in our homes really do make a difference. So if you're a family that's messed up, I think all of us can say, my family's kind of messed up in some way. It's okay. We're not perfect. We don't have to stay there though.

You can change the trajectory of your family if it's so messed up that you guys are dysfunctional and can't even have relationships. Can I tell you it's not over? The past does not define you. We can move forward. And God has given us instruction for family that can move us past where we are.

In fact, let's look at Genesis, the first account of the man and the woman. Many of you know this. In Genesis 2, it says the Lord God said, It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper or a helpmate suitable for him. Therefore, a man will leave his father and his mother and unite to his wife.

Genesis 2, 18 and 24, if you're following along. So Jesus, or God rather, put the first family in place. His idea for family started in Genesis. God put Adam in the perfect environment for family. And this is true whether you're married or single.

We are made for community. We need people. He created the family and he said it was good. Fifty years ago, we would not be having this conversation. Why?

Because today, it seems like nobody understands what a family really is. We have so many blended families, mixed families, culturally different. There's all kinds of things in our families. Not any of those families are wrong. We just have a lot of baggage.

We have a lot of differences and we bring them into families. And it makes it very, very hard. And for a lot of families, it's just so dysfunctional that nobody's relating to each other. It's like a bed and breakfast, an economic necessity. You wake up in the morning, go to work, no lunch.

Maybe you'll be home for dinner in time to hang out with the kids. But God wants so much more for our families. God's design for families is completely, completely perfect if we follow his word. So he gives us some help for our families. So let me give you four reasons why God created a family.

God's design for family is number one. A family is this, a shelter from storms. God created families to provide a shelter from storms because we all go through hard times. The rain pours, life happens, things happen, don't always go as planned, and we all need shelter. Proverbs 14.

26 says, Do your children have a place of refuge and security? Did you growing up have a place of refuge and security? And how did that affect you? What types of storms do we go through? Well, there's all kinds of storms.

We could talk all day about the different storms of life that we go through. But some of the main ones are, and here's three, change. We go through change, and change is never easy. Change is not an easy thing. Illness, death, graduation, change in jobs, moves.

Change is inevitable and uncomfortable in most cases, and we need an anchor. We need a foundation to hold on to when the wind comes in life and the storms come in life. Change is hard for children. Change is hard for adults. We need people that are a constant in those changes.

How about failure? You lose. I lose. We all lose from time to time. It's good to lose.

It's good to fail from time to time. And nobody's perfect. And you get turned down for the promotion. You make an F in school. You don't make the team.

You go bankrupt because your business doesn't work out. And you can handle a lot of failure in life when you can come home to hugs. You need people that you can come home to and just pour your failure out, and they will encourage you and lift you up. Ecclesiastes 4 says two are better than one. If one of them falls down, the other can help him up.

But if someone is alone and falls, it's just too bad because there's no one to help him. There's nobody there to help him. We need each other when we fall down, when we fail. The third thing is rejection. This is the most difficult.

Nobody likes to be rejected. This happens with kids all the time. Kids are cruel. This is very difficult. Because when you're a kid, you remember points of pain and embarrassment, and it's hard to let go.

It makes a lasting impression on that child's life when somebody doesn't pick them for the team or teams or ever pick them for anything to play in or they're picked on or talked about. They're at that age where it's just impressionable. It makes a difference when we say good things about our kids rather than bad things about our kids. And it's a lot like going home base in a child's game. You got captured a flag.

Bye. They need a home base to get to. They need to run to a safety place where nobody can touch them, where they can have a healthy environment in order to face those times where they feel rejected. My kids, sometimes they have hard days and they'll hold on all day long until they get home and they just let go and let loose. And they talk about their hard day because they feel it's a safe place that they can receive affirmation, they can be consoled and comforted and cared for.

Ecclesiastes 4.16 says it like this, One standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two stand back-to-back and conquered. So what is my response? What do I need to respond? How do I need to respond this week as I think about this point, creating this environment in my family's shelter?

Demonstrate your love. Demonstrate my love. I need to demonstrate my love this week with my kids and with my wife and with my husband. Create an environment where we demonstrate love because you love your family. If you love them, they need to hear, they need to be hugged, and they need to help.

So hear, hug, and help. That's what they really need. That's why divorce is so painful because when we go through divorces, the place of acceptance becomes a place of rejection. The place that should be a shelter becomes the center of the storm. So we need to create shelters, a shelter from storms.

The second thing that we want to look at is a learning center for life. A family is a learning center. It's a place where we learn from each other about life and how to do life and how to do life well. Kids, wives, husbands, they all teach each other. We all teach each other.

My kids teach me sometimes. I'm often teaching them, but sometimes they say or do things that teach me. They teach me how to be a better dad and how to work through problems better. And we learn our basic life skills in our home. We talk, we walk, we eat, we clean.

The family is often referred to as a garden in the Bible. Look at Psalm 144. It says in verse 12, if you're following along, May our sons or daughters in their youth be plants that grow up strong. We want to grow our kids up strong. It's a place where people grow.

Ephesians 6-4 says, Fathers, don't exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in teaching and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6-4 says this, and it's so important that we take them through three different stages. Okay? First of all, parent control, where we're teaching them.

We're parenting them. Self-control, where they're constructively looking at themselves and controlling themselves. And then, God control. We want them to eventually depend on God and put God as number one in their lives. So, we take them through those three steps.

If you look at Luke 2.52, it says Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and with man. Wisdom intellectually, stature physically they grow, favor with God spiritually, and with man socially. Intellectually, physically, spiritually, and socially we grow in families. And what you learned from your family, whether good or bad, or whether you intentionally learned it or unintentionally learned it, is three things that are prominent.

Relationships. You learned how to relate to people in your family. You learned to relate in the home. It started in the home. The way you relate to people in the world is what you learned with your brothers and sisters, your mom, your dad, those who are closest to you.

And it's important to work out good relationships, to build good relationships in the home, that they are worth saving. We're talking out issues, forgiving, reconciling, and we model relationships as parents. They are looking at us as parents to learn how to relate to people, how to care for people, how to do life with people. The second thing is character. Character.

Listen, character is caught, not taught. Much of what you are is picked up by your parents. The older you get, like me, you realize how much like your parents you are. The reason you're like that with your parents is because it's caught, not taught. That's just the way they are.

That's the way they acted around you. That's the way they decided things, the way they process things. You pick up those things. You pick up character from your parents, and you're giving character to the people around you, your family, your kids. It's not something that's just taught.

You can't just say, not do something, stop cursing, and then curse out the customer service representative on the phone in front of your children. You're going to be like, well, dad did it. Mom did it. It must be okay. That's what I mean by it's caught.

It's not taught. You can teach something else all day long, but if you're not living out the character that you want your kids to have, then it really doesn't work. It's caught, not taught. And then values. What's most important to you?

The things about work, the things about sex, the things about time, money, play, God, people, those values come out loud and clear, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Isaiah 38, 19 says, One generation makes known your faithfulness to the next. So we're passing down what we have to the next generation. It's like passing a baton. It's like a relay race.

Your family is a relay of values. The family before you and after you is influenced by you. You influence generations. And those who were before you have influenced you. So the question is, what are you passing down to your kids?

What are they going to carry to their grandkids? And some say, you know what, I'm not going to force my spiritual values on my kids. I want them to make a decision on their own whether they want God or not. And when someone says that, they are implying that God is an option. It's just not a good idea.

He's not. If you are not teaching your kids about God, it has major implications. It's not a matter of just them deciding. Your job description is to teach your kids about God. It's not a decision.

It's a part of who we are as a family. And if they choose to walk away from God or not receive God, because everybody has to make a personal decision for Jesus, yes, that is true. And if they decide not to do that, then that's not on you. But what is on you is that you let them know that a value that you hold is that God is not an option. Today, people don't sit down at home.

They don't walk and talk and relax and share. We're always so busy. I mean, according to one study, kids from eight to teenage spend about seven hours a day on screens. Seven hours a day. If they come to church every Sunday for 65 years, that will amount to only four months of Bible teaching.

So where do they learn their values in between? YouTube? Roblox? TikTok? Or God's Word?

Or God's Word? What are you doing to help your kids know more about God? Are you talking? Are you sitting with them? Are you sharing God's Word?

Or we take them to church and we expect the church to do it, but we only have four months in a lifetime to do that. Where do they learn the rest? At home, in the family, in the home, with you, with your parents, or whatever it might be. That's where you learn your values. So the question is, and my response to this particular point should be that I need to evaluate my values.

Am I evaluating my values? I need to ask two questions. What am I unintentionally teaching my kids, and is it really what I want to teach my kids? Number three, in family, is this, a place to play. I love this part.

A place to play. It's not only a shelter for the storm, a learning center for life, but it is a place to play. It's a format for fun. It's a place of happiness. It's kickback, relax, take it easy, enjoy life.

And some men, you probably heard the point of a learning center and you thought, well, it†s a boot camp, but you can†t operate a household that way. It doesn†t work. Yes, there has to be rules to follow. We have to teach our kids and correct our kids, but we also need to provide an environment where it†s comfortable to learn and it†s enjoyable. I love how Proverbs 5, 18 says, be happy with your wife and find your joy with the girl you married.

Enjoy your marriages. Enjoy each other. Your kids are watching that. And it†s good for you guys to love and enjoy each other. And you know what?

Kids are funny. They just are. They do the most unexpected things, things you don†t expect them to do. And you need to enjoy them. Just this past weekend, it†s hilarious.

You know, we† go home to my parents† house. This past Easter, we went and† and spent some time with them. And my parents are a lot of fun. I mean, they really are. I mean, they† are not boring people.

And we†'re sitting outside by the fire on the backyard and they† just grab a Frisbee and say, hey, kids, come on† and got our kids† out there to throw Frisbee around, this lidded LED Frisbee† in the dark. And I'm like, you guys† y'all don† have the energy to do this, do you? I didn† have the energy. But that† how they† they are. You know, they† just enjoy their grandkids and they† taught us how to enjoy our kids and how to create an environment for fun.

It† It† not just about career and school and all that stuff. You need a place where kids can grow in a fun, enjoyable environment. I love how Psalm 127 says that† Children† are a gift from God. They† are His reward. Children† are like sharp arrows.

Happy† is the man whose quiver is full of them. Psalm 127, if you want to read that on your own, starting with verse 4 and going to 5, that†s from the Living Bible. I'm increasingly aware that† I have less and less time for my kids to be kids and that I only have a short amount of time to make these memories as we get older. There†s only a short time. Many of you know that, that have grown kids.

There†s only a small amount of time that we really get to spend with them. So have fun with them. Enjoy them. So what should be my response? To celebrate your family.

Celebrate family. Celebrate life with family. Enjoy each other and make an environment for joy. And one final point. Here you go.

The last point, I think it†s probably one of the most important. It† is the most important. Not only is your family a shelter from storms, a learning center for life, a place to play, it†s also a launching pad for ministry. Maybe you never thought about your family being a ministry team, but there† is nothing more special than ministry. It will unify and give you more joy.

It will give your family more joy if you have projects and you serve God together. 1 Corinthians 16.15 talks about this family that served together. Stephanus and his family were the first to become Christians in Greece. And they were spending their lives helping and serving Christians everywhere.

I heard about this one church, Saddleback. If you're familiar with Saddleback, Rick Warren, who wrote The Purpose Driven Life, started Saddleback Church. And when they were mobile and they were looking for land, they had this thing called the possess our land emphasis, where they were trying to put down a down payment, raise money to put down a down payment for a piece of land to build their church on, to have a building. And in the spirit of sacrifice, people were doing crazy things. They were selling their homes and moving into smaller homes.

They were selling land. They gave cars and boats and things that they didn't need. And the entire families were getting involved. Kids were so excited. They were going out with lemonade stands, garage sales, projects, cookies.

They were bringing their nickels and dimes together. And there was a unity in the project. The whole family was working. The whole church family was working together. And these individual families in the church were doing their part together to help raise money.

And there was joy in that. In fact, Acts 16 says the whole family was filled with joy because they had come to believe in God. In Acts 16, 33, the families were coming together. They were serving God. It was unifying.

And they were filled with joy. It brings joy when we serve God together. The average divorce rate today still hovers around about 40% to 50%. It's dropped a little. But a lot of that is because people just aren't getting married these days as much as they were before.

Depending on how you look at the data, though, it's about 40-something to 50% of all marriages still end in divorce. One Harvard study many years ago said that people who regularly attend church prayed and read their Bible, one out of 1,286 marriages ended. That's .08% that ended. Because why?

Why? Because there's joy when families believe in God. And my number one task as a father is to do the best I can to grow my kids in loving Jesus. I want them to love Jesus Christ. And I know some of you may have not done that.

And I have a message coming up in this series, Hope for Hurting Parents, where we'll talk about that. But continue to pray for them. And maybe you didn't do that well when they were kids, but you still have them. They're still your kids, no matter what age they are. You can continue to pray and encourage them.

That's what my parents did for me. You've been to a counselor that I've devoted to b questa, When I left the home, they prayed for me. Even when I wasn't in ministry, even when I was walking far from God, they prayed for me, and I tell you to continue to do that. But my greatest desire as a father right now is to teach my kids that their eternal destiny will be secured by believing in Jesus Christ, so we all will be in heaven together. That's my hope.

I hope. Now, how do you turn your family into a ministry team just as a secondary piece? How do you do that? I mean, there's all kinds of things. I think the main thing is teaching hospitality.

Romans 12, 13 shares that when God's children are in need, help them out. Get into the habit of inviting guests home for dinner, or if they need lodging, or the night. Hospitality is a lost art. We need to model that in our homes. We need to teach our kids to be hospitable to people, to love people.

So what is my response in this? Okay, we need to dedicate our homes to God. Make our homes a place where ministry happens. Make our homes a place where God's presence is there. Make our homes a place where the church is not just a building somewhere else, but the church is your family.

It's a place that you dedicate. And I tell small group leaders this all the time. I tell people who have other Christians and believers, new Christians in their house, and they're doing hospitality together, and they're doing life together. Your home has to be a place. It has to be a place where people can come in and have shelters from the storm, and can learn, and can learn, and can enjoy, and can find out who they are.

You have to have a house where the Holy Spirit dwells. You can't bring in anything. You've got to let out. You've got a place. It's a new place that you are as a leader, as a person who's bringing people in your home.

Make it a holy place. Make it a righteous place. Make it a safe place where people can come in from that nasty world out there, those who are trying to exit sinful lives and are trying to pursue all that God has for them, trying to kick habits or addictions. You don't bring those habits into your house. You let go of those things.

And sometimes that means letting go of some of your liberties for the sake of the gospel, for the sake of people growing in Christ. So if you're a small group leader, or you're hosting a ministry in your house, or maybe you're not doing any of that, but you just want to see the Lord use you to help people grow in Christ and reach others for Christ, make your house a place of dedication. So some final thoughts. This is God's idea. And we barely scratched the surface.

But as I expressed before, there are no perfect families. We are... All imperfect, and no person is perfect. If there's a church that's perfect, because there's no perfect churches either, if you find a church that's perfect, don't join it, because it won't be perfect anymore. I'm just joking there.

But until the day of Jesus, there will be no perfect families. Every family needs to be strengthened. And we do that by walking through what God has showed us in Scripture. So, how about those single people out there? Some of you are listening to this message.

This is really for me. A lot of this was about kids, and being married, and maybe you were married. Maybe you never got married. Whatever that looks like. Let me give you two thoughts.

First of all, don't discount or ignore the relatives you have. Your brothers, your sisters, your mother, your father, those in your life that are close to you. You still have a family, whether they're messed up or not. We know that a lot of our families are messed up, and perhaps you don't even want to be around them. But continue to pray for them.

Continue to work with them. They are your family. I told somebody one time that said, My family is so messed up, I don't know what to do. I said, Well, it's the family that God gave you. You still have to love them.

You don't have to like them, but you have to love them. And don't discount those people. And a lot of you have families that you're really close to. That's your family. That's your family.

And don't discount or ignore that. And number two, realize that as Christians, you are part of the larger family of God. That's the church. Galatians 6.10 talks about the family of God.

In fact, we see the church symbolizing a family all through Scripture. The family of believers, which is the larger expression of what should be going on in our immediate families. So get connected to the local church. Become a part of it. You have brothers and sisters here.

If it's not salt, find a church to get connected to. A local church to get connected to. Everything we do is to be all these things. It's a shelter from the storm our church is. It's a place of learning.

It's a place to play. It's a launching pad for ministry. And if you are distant from your own family, let us be your family. We would love to be your family. If you need a family, here we are.

Arms wide open. You need a family. Now let's close in prayer. And I want to pray for two different people as we bow our heads and we close our eyes. The first set of people, maybe you're believers, and it's been really hard for you to have a healthy family environment.

Maybe you are asking yourself, Do I provide a shelter? Do I have a learning center? Do I create a place to play? Do I have a place for ministry? All those things.

I pray for that. I pray right now in the name of Jesus over every person. Maybe they are dealing with some stuff from the past. Maybe it's hard to have a family that is healthy because they haven't let go of some of those family things that have been brought down, that baggage that they've brought into their current families. But today we believe that in the name of Jesus that all that can be fixed, all that can be put back together because You make things right and You make things good and Your things are always good even though the world has flawed those things.

Maybe sin has come in. Lord, You are a forgiver of sins and we trust in Your blood. We trust in Your cross to make us whole, to make us right. And we don't have to live that way anymore. We can walk in victory today in the name of Jesus.

If that's You, just pray that. I'm praying over You for complete wholeness in the Spirit of God. God, Holy Spirit, touch people's lives right now. And then the second group, with all heads bowed and all eyes closed, I'm going to ask a really, really important question. Do you know Jesus?

Do you have a relationship with Jesus? Have you given your life to Jesus? Because that's first. It doesn't matter where you've come from. It doesn't matter how good you are.

It doesn't matter how imperfect you are. Again, we're all imperfect and we've had to lean on Jesus. That's why we celebrated last week. Because of His death and resurrection, we have hope. Without His death and resurrection, we don't have hope.

We don't have security in heaven. Jesus came to forgive us of our imperfections, to forgive us of our sins. He come to take care of it all. All of our imperfections. And while in this life we may not ever be perfect, by His blood we are made perfect in the eyes of God.

And one day, through His resurrection, we will be made perfect again. Can I pray for you? Would you surrender your life to Jesus today? Would you pray this with me? Father, I believe that You are the Son of God, that You died on the cross for my sin.

I give my life to You, Lord. I can't do it on my own. I've tried every self-help book. I've tried every type of pattern of counseling. And none of them helped.

None of them really fixed the real problem. So today, Lord, I'm giving You a chance. I'm surrendering to You. Come into my life. Come into my heart.

Make me a new person. Make me whole. I give my life to You. Come into my heart. And make me like You.

Amen. If you gave your life to Jesus today, I want to make sure you either fill out one of those blue cards here in church. Or, you go to www.saltchurch.org.

Fill out that card. Let us know that you gave your life to Jesus and we want to get you on a path of growing in Christ. Don't stop here. Get baptized. In fact, April 21st is Baptism Sunday.

We're going to do it right in the ocean. You need to get baptized. You should get baptized. If you know Jesus, never been baptized, or if you just gave your life to Jesus, don't wait. Do it.

That's an open declaration of what God has done internally in your life and we want to celebrate with you. So, thank you so much. Let's celebrate Jesus today and we want to see you back next week as we talk more about what a spiritual family is. We're going to dig into the next part of that message. Love you guys so much.

Have a great week. We'll see you back next week.